A ____ walks into a bar....

S

Splunge

Guest
I love "....walks into a bar jokes", so add your personal favs here!

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A guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under arm and says "Barkeep, give me two beers. One for me. And one for the road."


:lol: :lol:
 
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing eye dog. He grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging him i a circle above his head. The bartender asks the man what is he doing and the blind man replied "Just taking a look around."
 
:lol: Good one....
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A nuetron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the barkeep "How much do I owe you for the beer?" The barkeep responds, "For you, no charge."
 
A man walks into a bar and told the barkeep "give me a beer before the fight." The barkeep gives the man a beer and he drinks it down. He then told the barkeep "give me another beer before the fight." He does and the man drinks it down. The man then told the barkeep "give me one more beer before the fight." As the barkeep hands the man his third beer he asks "Sure, but what fight are you talking about?" the man told him "The one between me and you when you find out I don't have any money."
 
A dog walks into bar with a bandage around his left arm. He walks up to the bar and sneers...

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."
 
Horse walks in to a bar.....bar tender asks why the long face. :wacko:
 
Originally posted by bowtie@Aug 14 2003, 07:44 PM
A man walks into a bar and told the barkeep "give me a beer before the fight." The barkeep gives the man a beer and he drinks it down. He then told the barkeep "give me another beer before the fight." He does and the man drinks it down. The man then told the barkeep "give me one more beer before the fight." As the barkeep hands the man his third beer he asks "Sure, but what fight are you talking about?" the man told him "The one between me and you when you find out I don't have any money."
Click to expand...
:lol:
These are all good guys.
 
A grasshopper walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer.The bartender pours him a tall, frothy mug and says "You know... we have a drink named after you."
To which the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Bob?"


A gorilla walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a tall, froth mug and says "That'll be five bucks." As the gorilla is paying for his beer, the bartender adds "You know... we don't get many gorillas in here." To which the gorilla replies, "At five bucks a beer, it's no wonder..."


A cheeseburger walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender hurries over and shouts at him "How many times do I have to tell you that we don't serve food here?"


A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
 
a duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "we don't serve ducks here". So the duck leaves but comes back in 5 minutes and orders a beer. The bartender says "I already told you, we don't serve ducks and if you come in here again I'll nail your feet to the floor". The duck leaves but tries again in 15 minutes withe same result "I'll nail your feet to the floor".
30 minutes later the duck walks back in and says "got any nails"? to which the bartender replies "no". The duck says, "great, so gimme a dang beer".


Three strings walk into a bar and the first string went up to the bar to order drinks for all three. The bartender sayss "we don't serve strings here". @nd string tries to order drinks with the same response. 3rd string says, let's leave and let me handle this. So the strings go outside and string ties himself into knots and unravels his top end. He goes back into the bar and orders 3 beers. The bartender says "Aren't you a string cuz we don't serve strings here." String answers, "No, FRAYED KNOT"
 
A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartenders says, "What is this...some kind of joke!?"
 
A pair of jumpercables walk in a bar.

The bartender comes over and says "What'll be?"

The jumpercable says "Gimme a beer".

"Okay" says the bartender, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".
 
A guy walks into a bar and approached a beautiful woman he has never met before. He asks her "Would you sleep with me just one time for a million bucks?". She thinks about it for a minute and asks him "Just once? No strings attached?" He says "Yes". She thinks for a minute and says "yeah, I would" He buys her a beer and after a few minutes of chit-chat he says "Ok, would you sleep with me for 5 bucks?" She says "Of course not. What kind of woman do you think I am?" He says "We've already astablished that. I'm just negotiating a price here"
 
A shy guy walks into a bar and sits next to a BEAUTIFUL woman. He asks her if he could buy her a drink and she stands up, slaps him and says "What kind of a girl do you think I am"?

Shy guy sulks off to his own table.

Next thing ya know "beautiful woman" approaches and says "I'so soory , but I'm a psych major and am just doing research, may I buy you a drink".

Shy guy stands up and yells "WHAT $200 FOR BJ?"
 
Not A .... walks into a bar, but funny! :D

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.

:lol: B) :lol:
 
A baby harp seal walks into a bar.

What can I get you?" asks the bartender.

"ANYTHING but a Canadian Club on the rocks!"
 
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He
puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and
place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his
mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll
remove my genitals unscathed. In return for witnessing this
spectacle each of you will buy me a drink."


The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the
bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the
alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the
crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle
and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The
gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals -
unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of
his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay
anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell
over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A
blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to
promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle." :eek:
 
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