C
cutiepie24
Guest
A Woman's Version of the Night Before Christmas
>
>T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
>I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
>I've been here for hours; I can't stop to rest.
>This room's a disaster...just look at this mess!
>
>Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
>They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
>My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
>The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
>
>There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
>Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
>Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
>My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
>
>I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
>Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
>He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
>Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
>He looks all around and with total regret,
>says, "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"
>
>As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
>He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
>He flees from the room in terror and pain
>and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
>
>Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
>Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
>I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
>but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
>
>What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
>If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
>Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
>It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
>
>But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
>You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
>I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
>and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
>
>HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
>
>
>T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
>I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
>I've been here for hours; I can't stop to rest.
>This room's a disaster...just look at this mess!
>
>Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
>They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
>My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
>The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
>
>There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
>Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
>Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
>My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
>
>I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
>Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
>He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
>Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
>He looks all around and with total regret,
>says, "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"
>
>As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
>He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
>He flees from the room in terror and pain
>and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
>
>Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
>Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
>I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
>but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
>
>What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
>If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
>Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
>It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
>
>But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
>You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
>I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
>and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
>
>HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
>
