Fantastic finish
By Jerry Bonkowski, Yahoo! Sports
NEW YORK – NASCAR's annual banquet often provides plenty of fodder for review columns like these. And though the last couple of banquets – while including many good moments – have been deserving of being made fun of at times, after Friday evening I couldn't find anything bad to say, even in jest, about anyone in the front office.
With a few exceptions, the banquet itself went off with nary a hitch and even the telecast of it on TNT only had a few minor glitches.
So let's take a look at the evening's highlights from the Grand Ballroom at the famed Waldorf Astoria Hotel:
Best observation
Giving credit where it's due: Comedian/actor Jay Mohr has never been one of my favorites. But after leaving much to be desired as master of ceremonies for the last two NASCAR banquets, he was definitely on top of his game Friday night. His timing was near-perfect, his jokes were actually pretty funny and his ad-libs were outstanding – even though his voice kept flashing back to his native New Jersey accent, making him sound at times like a young Don Rickles. I guess being married to actress Nikki Cox has made Mohr a better man. I take back all the bad things I've said about him from the last two banquets – well, almost.
You are so beautiful
Winning couple: Without question, Chandra Johnson was the belle of the ball, the brightest star of the night. She looked absolutely stunning Friday. Her husband Jimmie Johnson, the new Nextel Cup champ, wore a simple but tasteful and dignified dark suit. He almost appeared more like a successful Wall Street stock trader or a high-priced lawyer than a race car driver … make that racing champion who earned a record $15,695,125 this year.
Best episode of the night
Open mouth, insert foot, Part 1: Without question, Kyle Busch – in 10th place, the "Worst of the best. Woooh!" as he put it – was the most embarrassed of the more than 1,000 attendees. As he was passing out thanks and praise, Busch turned to his girlfriend and said, "I want to thank Eva." He paused momentarily then added, "Eva? I mean Erica!" Eva is older brother Kurt Busch's wife's name, while Erica Dewey is the younger Busch's girlfriend. Kyle tried to dance around his misstep by adding, "That's OK, because when Kurt got married, the pastor called him Kyle." Think Kyle was stuck sleeping on the couch Friday evening?
Team owner Rick Hendrick, Mohr, Jeff Burton, Denny Hamlin and Kevin Harvick were among those who proceeded to make fun of Busch, quite humorously, in their subsequent speeches.
Mohr, Mohr, Mohr
NASCAR must have paid big bucks for some of the best comedy writers in the business, because Mohr's lines were outstanding, for the most part. Among some of the best:
Helton, P.I.: "[NASCAR president] Mike Helton was late getting here tonight. He was in the lobby signing autographs as Tom Selleck. … If I had a mustache like that, I'd take it off and put it on the nightstand tonight. Old school, man."
He's not saying Denny Hamlin is young, but: "Denny Hamlin finished 68 points shy of being the first rookie to ever win the championship. Imagine what he'll do when he turns 16 and gets his first driver's license. What a baby. Look at him. His first sponsors were Vicks VapoRub and Chucky Cheese."
On boring" Matt Kenseth: "You are dull. You make Al Gore look like Little Richard."
On Johnson finally winning the championship: "For five years Jimmie Johnson has been standing on the outside looking in. The past two years, he's had to sit in this audience and listen to me make fun of him for being a metrosexual. Look at those perfectly manicured eyebrows, ladies and gentlemen. They don't prune like that at Augusta."
Case of mistaken identity: "Tony Stewart was also a little late tonight. He was in the lobby signing autographs as [comedian] Paul Rodriguez."
Are you saying he has a lot of support? "That's a lot of sponsors. What, did you write your acceptance speech by going through the Yellow Pages?," Mohr said to Dale Earnhardt Jr. after Junior thanked a long list of sponsors – the longest of any driver that was honored Friday
Giving props to the champ: "Who's gonna pass him? He'll kill 'em." – On the possibility of former heavyweight boxing champ Evander Holyfield, who attended Friday's banquet, becoming a race car driver.
Let's everyone whisper, Kasey Kahne:" Mohr put together a hysterical take-off on one of Kasey Kahne's Allstate commercials. Replacing the female Kahne fans in the original spot, Mohr becomes enthralled, entranced and excited when he "sees" Kahne in the commercial, eventually leading up to the point where he hits a huge statue that drops a tire onto Kahne's race car, crushing it.
Kasey Kahne, Part Deux: "Kasey Kahne raced his way into the Chase by winning six races. Six races this guy won, more than anyone else. Usually that means you'll win the championship. Kasey finished eighth. What did you do the rest of those races? Surrender? How does that work out? Who was your sponsor? The French?"
More great lines, but not from Mohr
Six is No. 1 to him: Although he'll carry the No. 01 on his car next season, Mark Martin will always be remembered by something else: "The No. 6 defines me. To me and many others, I'll always be the No. 6," he said.
If you can't make fun of yourself, who can? Martin congratulating Johnson on his championship: "Nextel Cup champion. How does it feel? I wouldn't know."
Matt has a pulse after all: Matt Kenseth decided to challenge Mohr to a bet during their time together on stage. Said Kenseth," By the way, the Packers are going to beat the Jets this Sunday." Mohr responded, "How much?" Added Kenseth, "We'll talk about it backstage."
Thanks, buddy: Team owner Rick Hendrick displayed both class and humor in saying goodbye to driver Brian Vickers, who will race for the Red Bull team next season: "We want to wish Brian well and thank him for everything he's done for us, especially at Talladega." Hendrick, of course, referred to Vickers wrecking race leaders Earnhardt Jr. and now-former Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jimmie Johnson and driving on to his first career Cup win.
Speaking of Vickers and his incident at Dega: Unlike last year, Comedian Will Ferrell was unable to attend Friday's banquet in person. But he sent a video that was played to honor the Most Dramatic Moment of the Season (the Vickers incident at Talladega), as picked in a national poll of fans. Unfortunately, Ferrell looked more like he had just climbed out of bed and tossed on a sweat suit. Still, the star of "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" was his typical humorous self. Among Ferrell's quips during his acceptance "for the second year of the award I didn't win" were: "Hey Brian, nice driving!" … "Hey Jimmie, nice save." … "And Dale, I bet it took some Budweisers to get over that one."
At least he's honest: After giving his speech for finishing third, Hamlin turned to Mohr and said, "Did I suck?" To which Mohr replied, "No, you were great. The good news is you can save that tux for your prom. It's good to see that you landed on your feet after they kicked you out of New Kids on the Block."
Close but no cigar: "I never thought I'd be excited about somebody else winning the championship." – Jeff Gordon on Johnson's title. Gordon is co-owner of Johnson's No. 48 team.
Ah, he has so many already, would he have missed one more: After accepting the trophy for championship car owner, Hendrick began to walk off the stage without it before remembering what he had walked up there for in the first place. He quickly retrieved it with a sheepish smile upon his face.
Classiest moments
Sign of a true champion, even if he finished 11th this season: Stewart congratulated recently retired Terry Labonte for "going out on his own terms" and Mark Martin for "signing a contract for the first time in your career on his terms."
I'll vouch for that: Jeff Gordon paid honor to Martin, as well. "I know Mark Martin doesn't like to be known as the greatest driver who never won a championship, but you've got that one hands-down, buddy. You are the greatest."
Add me to the list: Ditto for Johnson honoring Martin. "You may not have that trophy, buddy, but you are a true champion to everybody."
Who says you need candy and flowers to get a woman's heart? Being a bit playful after the whole Kyle Busch fiasco, Martin, who followed Busch on stage, began with a joke, pretending to be unsure about his wife's name, but ended with one of the most touching lines of the evening. "It's Arlene, right? I'm pretty sure it is. Thank you for raising me and our family. After 22 years, you're still the hottest thing in the garage to me."
Being serious for a second: "You're what the sport is all about. You're real class and you deserve applause." – Mohr to Mark Martin.
Never forget: All members of Hendrick Motorsports in attendance, including Rick Hendrick, Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon, wore lapel pins whose shape was a combination of H (for Hendrick) and an airplane to honor the 10 people who were killed in the crash of a Hendrick plane near Martinsville, Va., in October 2004.
Worst moments
Not a jewel: Singer Jewel was the featured entertainment – and we use the word "entertainment" loosely. Singing a couple of her hits and accompanied only by her own guitar, her manic-depressive lyrics practically put some attendees to sleep.
Matt, move your eyes, your body, something, anything! Matt Kenseth has to learn how to read from a teleprompter. Like a statue without any animation, Kenseth barely moved while giving his acceptance speech for finishing second in the standings. He just read on and on and on and on …
A special shout out
Outstanding: That's the best way to describe the post-banquet party's entertainment, New York-based Starlight Experience. With more than 30 dancers, singers and musicians, the group kept the music and the crowd hopping for more than four hours.
Post-mortem
That's a wrap: Without question, this was the best-run NASCAR banquet and awards event I've attended. All in all, it wasn't a bad evening.
Happy Holidays to all.
Veteran motorsports writer Jerry Bonkowski is Yahoo! Sports' NASCAR columnist.
To tell the truth, this pretty much sums up my thoughts on the Banquet, just more articulate!
Jeff Gordon sure looks HAPPY and I hope that happiness translates into Championship #5. Ingrid is sure a looker!
By Jerry Bonkowski, Yahoo! Sports
NEW YORK – NASCAR's annual banquet often provides plenty of fodder for review columns like these. And though the last couple of banquets – while including many good moments – have been deserving of being made fun of at times, after Friday evening I couldn't find anything bad to say, even in jest, about anyone in the front office.
With a few exceptions, the banquet itself went off with nary a hitch and even the telecast of it on TNT only had a few minor glitches.
So let's take a look at the evening's highlights from the Grand Ballroom at the famed Waldorf Astoria Hotel:
Best observation
Giving credit where it's due: Comedian/actor Jay Mohr has never been one of my favorites. But after leaving much to be desired as master of ceremonies for the last two NASCAR banquets, he was definitely on top of his game Friday night. His timing was near-perfect, his jokes were actually pretty funny and his ad-libs were outstanding – even though his voice kept flashing back to his native New Jersey accent, making him sound at times like a young Don Rickles. I guess being married to actress Nikki Cox has made Mohr a better man. I take back all the bad things I've said about him from the last two banquets – well, almost.
You are so beautiful
Winning couple: Without question, Chandra Johnson was the belle of the ball, the brightest star of the night. She looked absolutely stunning Friday. Her husband Jimmie Johnson, the new Nextel Cup champ, wore a simple but tasteful and dignified dark suit. He almost appeared more like a successful Wall Street stock trader or a high-priced lawyer than a race car driver … make that racing champion who earned a record $15,695,125 this year.
Best episode of the night
Open mouth, insert foot, Part 1: Without question, Kyle Busch – in 10th place, the "Worst of the best. Woooh!" as he put it – was the most embarrassed of the more than 1,000 attendees. As he was passing out thanks and praise, Busch turned to his girlfriend and said, "I want to thank Eva." He paused momentarily then added, "Eva? I mean Erica!" Eva is older brother Kurt Busch's wife's name, while Erica Dewey is the younger Busch's girlfriend. Kyle tried to dance around his misstep by adding, "That's OK, because when Kurt got married, the pastor called him Kyle." Think Kyle was stuck sleeping on the couch Friday evening?
Team owner Rick Hendrick, Mohr, Jeff Burton, Denny Hamlin and Kevin Harvick were among those who proceeded to make fun of Busch, quite humorously, in their subsequent speeches.
Mohr, Mohr, Mohr
NASCAR must have paid big bucks for some of the best comedy writers in the business, because Mohr's lines were outstanding, for the most part. Among some of the best:
Helton, P.I.: "[NASCAR president] Mike Helton was late getting here tonight. He was in the lobby signing autographs as Tom Selleck. … If I had a mustache like that, I'd take it off and put it on the nightstand tonight. Old school, man."
He's not saying Denny Hamlin is young, but: "Denny Hamlin finished 68 points shy of being the first rookie to ever win the championship. Imagine what he'll do when he turns 16 and gets his first driver's license. What a baby. Look at him. His first sponsors were Vicks VapoRub and Chucky Cheese."
On boring" Matt Kenseth: "You are dull. You make Al Gore look like Little Richard."
On Johnson finally winning the championship: "For five years Jimmie Johnson has been standing on the outside looking in. The past two years, he's had to sit in this audience and listen to me make fun of him for being a metrosexual. Look at those perfectly manicured eyebrows, ladies and gentlemen. They don't prune like that at Augusta."
Case of mistaken identity: "Tony Stewart was also a little late tonight. He was in the lobby signing autographs as [comedian] Paul Rodriguez."
Are you saying he has a lot of support? "That's a lot of sponsors. What, did you write your acceptance speech by going through the Yellow Pages?," Mohr said to Dale Earnhardt Jr. after Junior thanked a long list of sponsors – the longest of any driver that was honored Friday
Giving props to the champ: "Who's gonna pass him? He'll kill 'em." – On the possibility of former heavyweight boxing champ Evander Holyfield, who attended Friday's banquet, becoming a race car driver.
Let's everyone whisper, Kasey Kahne:" Mohr put together a hysterical take-off on one of Kasey Kahne's Allstate commercials. Replacing the female Kahne fans in the original spot, Mohr becomes enthralled, entranced and excited when he "sees" Kahne in the commercial, eventually leading up to the point where he hits a huge statue that drops a tire onto Kahne's race car, crushing it.
Kasey Kahne, Part Deux: "Kasey Kahne raced his way into the Chase by winning six races. Six races this guy won, more than anyone else. Usually that means you'll win the championship. Kasey finished eighth. What did you do the rest of those races? Surrender? How does that work out? Who was your sponsor? The French?"
More great lines, but not from Mohr
Six is No. 1 to him: Although he'll carry the No. 01 on his car next season, Mark Martin will always be remembered by something else: "The No. 6 defines me. To me and many others, I'll always be the No. 6," he said.
If you can't make fun of yourself, who can? Martin congratulating Johnson on his championship: "Nextel Cup champion. How does it feel? I wouldn't know."
Matt has a pulse after all: Matt Kenseth decided to challenge Mohr to a bet during their time together on stage. Said Kenseth," By the way, the Packers are going to beat the Jets this Sunday." Mohr responded, "How much?" Added Kenseth, "We'll talk about it backstage."
Thanks, buddy: Team owner Rick Hendrick displayed both class and humor in saying goodbye to driver Brian Vickers, who will race for the Red Bull team next season: "We want to wish Brian well and thank him for everything he's done for us, especially at Talladega." Hendrick, of course, referred to Vickers wrecking race leaders Earnhardt Jr. and now-former Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jimmie Johnson and driving on to his first career Cup win.
Speaking of Vickers and his incident at Dega: Unlike last year, Comedian Will Ferrell was unable to attend Friday's banquet in person. But he sent a video that was played to honor the Most Dramatic Moment of the Season (the Vickers incident at Talladega), as picked in a national poll of fans. Unfortunately, Ferrell looked more like he had just climbed out of bed and tossed on a sweat suit. Still, the star of "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" was his typical humorous self. Among Ferrell's quips during his acceptance "for the second year of the award I didn't win" were: "Hey Brian, nice driving!" … "Hey Jimmie, nice save." … "And Dale, I bet it took some Budweisers to get over that one."
At least he's honest: After giving his speech for finishing third, Hamlin turned to Mohr and said, "Did I suck?" To which Mohr replied, "No, you were great. The good news is you can save that tux for your prom. It's good to see that you landed on your feet after they kicked you out of New Kids on the Block."
Close but no cigar: "I never thought I'd be excited about somebody else winning the championship." – Jeff Gordon on Johnson's title. Gordon is co-owner of Johnson's No. 48 team.
Ah, he has so many already, would he have missed one more: After accepting the trophy for championship car owner, Hendrick began to walk off the stage without it before remembering what he had walked up there for in the first place. He quickly retrieved it with a sheepish smile upon his face.
Classiest moments
Sign of a true champion, even if he finished 11th this season: Stewart congratulated recently retired Terry Labonte for "going out on his own terms" and Mark Martin for "signing a contract for the first time in your career on his terms."
I'll vouch for that: Jeff Gordon paid honor to Martin, as well. "I know Mark Martin doesn't like to be known as the greatest driver who never won a championship, but you've got that one hands-down, buddy. You are the greatest."
Add me to the list: Ditto for Johnson honoring Martin. "You may not have that trophy, buddy, but you are a true champion to everybody."
Who says you need candy and flowers to get a woman's heart? Being a bit playful after the whole Kyle Busch fiasco, Martin, who followed Busch on stage, began with a joke, pretending to be unsure about his wife's name, but ended with one of the most touching lines of the evening. "It's Arlene, right? I'm pretty sure it is. Thank you for raising me and our family. After 22 years, you're still the hottest thing in the garage to me."
Being serious for a second: "You're what the sport is all about. You're real class and you deserve applause." – Mohr to Mark Martin.
Never forget: All members of Hendrick Motorsports in attendance, including Rick Hendrick, Jimmie Johnson and Jeff Gordon, wore lapel pins whose shape was a combination of H (for Hendrick) and an airplane to honor the 10 people who were killed in the crash of a Hendrick plane near Martinsville, Va., in October 2004.
Worst moments
Not a jewel: Singer Jewel was the featured entertainment – and we use the word "entertainment" loosely. Singing a couple of her hits and accompanied only by her own guitar, her manic-depressive lyrics practically put some attendees to sleep.
Matt, move your eyes, your body, something, anything! Matt Kenseth has to learn how to read from a teleprompter. Like a statue without any animation, Kenseth barely moved while giving his acceptance speech for finishing second in the standings. He just read on and on and on and on …
A special shout out
Outstanding: That's the best way to describe the post-banquet party's entertainment, New York-based Starlight Experience. With more than 30 dancers, singers and musicians, the group kept the music and the crowd hopping for more than four hours.
Post-mortem
That's a wrap: Without question, this was the best-run NASCAR banquet and awards event I've attended. All in all, it wasn't a bad evening.
Happy Holidays to all.
Veteran motorsports writer Jerry Bonkowski is Yahoo! Sports' NASCAR columnist.
To tell the truth, this pretty much sums up my thoughts on the Banquet, just more articulate!
Jeff Gordon sure looks HAPPY and I hope that happiness translates into Championship #5. Ingrid is sure a looker!
