Advice To Men From The Smart Ones...WOMEN

kat2220

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1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear
is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed
women in combat, take a poll to see which of you
successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we're watching football with you...
it's not bonding...it's their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever
you have to say after the movie.

5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

7. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the
number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

8. If you were really looking for an honest answer,
you wouldn't ask in bed.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends
keep track of "who's easy"?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers
are gay: we don't care.

11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance
...in fact...please do!

13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit
rather than "yours"...the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt
will last longer that way.

14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system
to indicate a positive vs a negative grunt.

15. Don't insist that we "get off the stupid phone"
and then not talk to us.

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work";
besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men,
why is it then you never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however,
very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.
 
Originally posted by kat2220@Jul 1 2004, 02:12 PM
7. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the
number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.


16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.


#7 still caused by a female.

#16 in the words of homer simpson "I've Made My Choice!"
 
In the grand tradition of equal time to opposing viewpoints...



1. The reason we don't change our underwear is because we are tired of hearing about all the laundry around this house, when to be honest, the washing machine does all the actual work.

2. The next time you question our concerns about armed women in combat, remember: equal rights means equal, in every sense. Open your own car doors.

3. If you're watching football with us, it's not home...it's Hooter's.

4. Whenever possible, please try to start saying whatever it is you must say during time outs, and if by some miracle you are able to finish saying it in the same time out, please do so.

5. Lay off the feminine hygeine ads several hours before meals.

6. Please do not drive when we are driving.

7. The next time you joke about men not stopping for directions, please research the number of wrong turns taken because the wife can't read or fold a road map.

8. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask if that size 24 mumu makes your butt look big.

9. If all men only care if she's "easy", how did we end up with you for a mate?

10. Stop telling us female strippers have enhanced attributes: we don't care.

11. You belch louder than you think even when we are around.

12. We don't mind you taking four hours to primp before going to McDonald's; in fact, it lets us watch the rest of the game with minimal interruption to say, "That looks fine, dear."

13. When you are out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than yours; that allows that polyester pants suit ample time to go out of style and lets our friends get a glimps of why we married you in the first place.

14. If you must reply, and it appears you must, a grunt is far preferable to a six-hour lecture.

15. Don't insist that we "turn off that stupid ball game" and then make us watch anything about home design. That guy's lisp is unbearable.

16. Eye contact above shoulder level will be established when we find anything above shoulder level interesting enough to look at; not before.

17. Mowing the grass is not necessarily "man's work"; neither is opening jars, squishing icky spiders, or changing light bulbs. And that clutter usually consists of stuff bought at various outlet stores or strip malls that we are afraid to touch for fear of getting shrieked at in a voice only dogs and husbands can hear.

18. Yes, most great chefs are men. Men who wanted something to eat besides TV dinners and quiche.

19. When you go to the ladies room, we do not talk about you. You don't even enter into the conversation. That waitress with the gravity-defying rack, however...

20. Yes, we know arm wrestling is almost a useless practice. But most of the time, it shuts you up for a brief interlude. Therefore, we talk about arm wrestling.
 
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