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Anger Management Meeting Secret Transcripts 6-29-2004
Transcripted by Benjamin Gearhart
Helton: <guesturing to everyone in room> Good God...have the last few weeks been eventful..much to be discussed...<glaring at room now> and MUCH to be settled
M. Waltrip: Sir Mr Helton Sir, what's Mr Darby Sir doing at our meeting today?
Helton: You think I'm going to take the fall all by myself for what has happened on the track last few weeks regarding our "calls"??
Darby: <huffy tone of voice> Easy Mike, we analyze every videotape before making our calls, and then destrying the evidence so no one sees why we did what we did
Mears: Like when I was oiling down the track at Dover?
Darby: Exactly
Mayfield: <restraing Khane from jumping out of seat at Darby>
Kenseth: <to Mears> That was your car? Gee...I thought someone was dragging Harvick's face around the track causing an oil slick...shoulda snapped there wasn't enough oil on track to be from his face
Harvick: Oh keep it up tool boy...you're going to get some from me...
Busch: <to Newman> Some what..clearasil maybe?
Newman: <laughing>
Harvick: <rising from seat, snarling>
Helton: Sit down now Harvick! I will not have your immature behavior deciding the course of this meeting!
Kenseth: <to Harvick> Ha!
Helton: Same goes for you Matt, between your ego and Harpy..err..Harvick tantrums, I feel like I'm watching the bumper cars at the kiddy park with 2 very selfish 3 year olds fighting!
Entire room: <busting out laughing>
M Waltrip: Good analogy Sir Mr Helton Sir!
Stewart: Oh shut up Waltrip...
M Waltrip: Hey! Keep goading me and my brother will take you down a couple pegs on national TV!
Stewart: Like I did to him..?
M Waltrip:...Shut up BeefStew...
Earnhardt Jr: No you shut up Mikey
Helton: <rolling eyes> Here we go again...
R Wallace: Shut it Jr, your daddy would give you a whopin' on the head if he heard you lately
B Labonte: Oh shut up Rusty, you don't know that..
M Waltrip: <in pitful hurt tone of voice to Jr> Junior..?
Darby: All of you just shut up
Johnson: Tell you what Mr Darby, you straighten out the field position promptly under caution and we'll shut up
Gordon: <low voice to Johnson> Dude...we'll all end losing our voices first...that's not going to happen
Helton: <slamming fist on podium> ENOUGH!!! <vein pulsing on forehead>
W. Burton: Dawn't stroke owt Mr Hewltwon..
Helton: <visibly regaining temper> Next subject is: Not being careful and repectful of other drivers. Terry, we'll focus on you first
T. Labonte: Me??? <surprised look on face> Huh, what I do??
Entire room: <astonished look on faces, heads shaking in disbelief>
Helton: What did you do? <raising voice> Recall taking out Nemocheck a couple races ago?
T. Labonte: Uhh...had a run off the corner..I actually had good Hendrick equipment that day and was able to pass people!
Helton: <look of disbelief on face> Okay...whatever... <to room them> These "getting a run off the corner" excuses aren't cutting it anymore gentlemen! Let's move on to Rusty..
M Waltrip: Well I know what HE did
R Wallace: Shut up Mikey...my brakes failed
M. Waltrip: <nods> Same brakes that got you stopped on pit road afterwards I see. Gotcha (memo - Mikey did actually say something pretty much like this to his CC when he was told by him Rusty said his brakes failed)
Helton: Nevermind..Rusty, Mikey – just sit..we really need to discuss this horrendous weekend…
Vickers: <smiling> Bet I know what this will be about!
Gaughan, PJ Jones, W. Burton: <all nodding>
Stewart: <rising from seat and turning toward door>
Helton: SIT DOWN Stewart! You aren’t going to bail out of this meeting like you did at Michigan...
Stewart: <returning to seat, but not sitting> What is this..pick on Tony day?
Johnson: <to Vickers> Or year even
Stewart: <menacing tone of voice> Shut yer trap you..you..you unibrow cro-magon
Johnson: <cheerfully> Okay larda-
Helton: Gentlemen!..Or maybe I should say children…now Tony…what is the meaning of your actions at Sonama..you’re outdoing yourself big time..
Stewart: <raising arms with palms upturned> But that wasn’t me driving, was Steve!
Helton: err..Steve?
Stewart: <nodding lots> Same guy who punched the cameraman a couple of years ago..also same dude that tried to take all those drivers out at Martinsville.
B Labonte: <holding face in hands, low voice to self> Oboy…
Wallace: <to Newman> He finally went around the bend...
Waltrip: <loss of words…for once>
Helton: <eyes wide at Stewart> Ahh..err…well Tony, you’ve helped clear up the mystery about your actions…that’s for sure…
Whole room: <nodding>
Helton: <still stunned by Tony> All right, lets move on to-
R. Gordon: <to Martin, but just loud enough so room can hear> Well that explains the weight gain on Tony..poor dude has to eat enough for two now
Marlin: or 3…
T. Labonte: Why stop at just 3? How about 4 or-
Helton: Enough! All of you are just asking to be put on double secret probation for the rest of the year you know? Lets broach the subject of Robby and Junior..what was going on this weekend?
R. Gordon: <whining> Man…why you got to start with me Mr. Helton? My weekend was bad enough as is…
Earnhardt Jr: <pointing at Robby> He thinks he’s God’s gift to road races and thought he could push me around and block me!
Helton: <sternly to Robby> Robby, I would punish you, but frankly I haven’t seen that much trouble since..well…Newman took on the plate tracks and lost last year…
Vickers: <nonchalant tone of voice> So umm Mr. Helton….what’re you going to do about Tony? I did get hurt you know…
Stewart: <rolling eyes> ohhh…did I hurt your wittle ego? <clutching hands to heart>
Busch: <to Vickers whispering> Dude..you should’ve embellished the story…like I did last year with Spencer…would be more credible then…then Mr Hendrick could’ve called the cops..<chuckles> That’s a new one…Hendrick calling the cops instead of having the cops call on him!
Vickers: <glares at Busch> did you forget….your brother drives for him too…
Busch: Yes..the family is aghast…one of our own driving for Felony Motorsports….disowning him is currently in the process…
Helton: <looking at Stewart squarely in the eye> while your antics have raised ratings, they’re a black eye on the sport…
J Gordon: <raising hand wildly> Kinda like Jr’s fans at Taladega, Mr Helton???
Helton: You’re not helping Jeff…
Tony: <air of dismissal to the whole thing> Well…*I* don’t see why I should get blamed for the stuff Steve has been doing…sometimes Bob acts up and causes trouble too.
Helton: NOT even going to ask who Bob is…
Schrader: <low whistle listening to Tony> Someone obviously didn’t put enough padding on the roll bars in his car to protect his head.
R.Wallace: Oh he needs something that is padded alright…like a room…
Stewart: Hearing your brother’s voice in those stacker2 commercials isn’t helping me either, Wallace
R. Wallace: How’s the finger doing lately Tony?
Stewart: <sits down and fumes>
Harvick: We can’t get rid of Tony! Then these meetings will be all about me then!
R Gordon: <disdain in voice> Don’t you wish Havawreck…its always got to be about you..you’re even more delusional than Tony then.
Stewart and Harvick: HEY!!!
Gaughan: Mr. Helton, maybe Tony is just going through withdrawal since Chef Boyarde quit sponsoring him?
Helton: <stifling a laugh while trying to keep a straight face>
Stewart: <glaring at Brendan> Don’t make me go over there and shut you up boy..
Newman: <mocking tone of voice> Oh give me a break Beefstew…you’re so out of shape you couldn’t even walk to the back of the room without getting out of breath.
Darby: <to Helton> You sure do grab the reins and take control of these meetings don’t you?
Helton: <Just gets up and leaves the meeting>
Mayfield: <all happy> Hey Mr. Helton left early, does this mean he will be asked last regarding officiating decisions next race?
Hush befalls whole room pondering that
Darby: Meeting over…not like we had one really…you men are going to drive Mr. Helton to the asylum…
Khane: Oh I promise to go see him…when I visit Tony over there
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Transcripted by Benjamin Gearhart
Helton: <guesturing to everyone in room> Good God...have the last few weeks been eventful..much to be discussed...<glaring at room now> and MUCH to be settled
M. Waltrip: Sir Mr Helton Sir, what's Mr Darby Sir doing at our meeting today?
Helton: You think I'm going to take the fall all by myself for what has happened on the track last few weeks regarding our "calls"??
Darby: <huffy tone of voice> Easy Mike, we analyze every videotape before making our calls, and then destrying the evidence so no one sees why we did what we did
Mears: Like when I was oiling down the track at Dover?
Darby: Exactly
Mayfield: <restraing Khane from jumping out of seat at Darby>
Kenseth: <to Mears> That was your car? Gee...I thought someone was dragging Harvick's face around the track causing an oil slick...shoulda snapped there wasn't enough oil on track to be from his face
Harvick: Oh keep it up tool boy...you're going to get some from me...
Busch: <to Newman> Some what..clearasil maybe?
Newman: <laughing>
Harvick: <rising from seat, snarling>
Helton: Sit down now Harvick! I will not have your immature behavior deciding the course of this meeting!
Kenseth: <to Harvick> Ha!
Helton: Same goes for you Matt, between your ego and Harpy..err..Harvick tantrums, I feel like I'm watching the bumper cars at the kiddy park with 2 very selfish 3 year olds fighting!
Entire room: <busting out laughing>
M Waltrip: Good analogy Sir Mr Helton Sir!
Stewart: Oh shut up Waltrip...
M Waltrip: Hey! Keep goading me and my brother will take you down a couple pegs on national TV!
Stewart: Like I did to him..?
M Waltrip:...Shut up BeefStew...
Earnhardt Jr: No you shut up Mikey
Helton: <rolling eyes> Here we go again...
R Wallace: Shut it Jr, your daddy would give you a whopin' on the head if he heard you lately
B Labonte: Oh shut up Rusty, you don't know that..
M Waltrip: <in pitful hurt tone of voice to Jr> Junior..?
Darby: All of you just shut up
Johnson: Tell you what Mr Darby, you straighten out the field position promptly under caution and we'll shut up
Gordon: <low voice to Johnson> Dude...we'll all end losing our voices first...that's not going to happen
Helton: <slamming fist on podium> ENOUGH!!! <vein pulsing on forehead>
W. Burton: Dawn't stroke owt Mr Hewltwon..
Helton: <visibly regaining temper> Next subject is: Not being careful and repectful of other drivers. Terry, we'll focus on you first
T. Labonte: Me??? <surprised look on face> Huh, what I do??
Entire room: <astonished look on faces, heads shaking in disbelief>
Helton: What did you do? <raising voice> Recall taking out Nemocheck a couple races ago?
T. Labonte: Uhh...had a run off the corner..I actually had good Hendrick equipment that day and was able to pass people!
Helton: <look of disbelief on face> Okay...whatever... <to room them> These "getting a run off the corner" excuses aren't cutting it anymore gentlemen! Let's move on to Rusty..
M Waltrip: Well I know what HE did
R Wallace: Shut up Mikey...my brakes failed
M. Waltrip: <nods> Same brakes that got you stopped on pit road afterwards I see. Gotcha (memo - Mikey did actually say something pretty much like this to his CC when he was told by him Rusty said his brakes failed)
Helton: Nevermind..Rusty, Mikey – just sit..we really need to discuss this horrendous weekend…
Vickers: <smiling> Bet I know what this will be about!
Gaughan, PJ Jones, W. Burton: <all nodding>
Stewart: <rising from seat and turning toward door>
Helton: SIT DOWN Stewart! You aren’t going to bail out of this meeting like you did at Michigan...
Stewart: <returning to seat, but not sitting> What is this..pick on Tony day?
Johnson: <to Vickers> Or year even
Stewart: <menacing tone of voice> Shut yer trap you..you..you unibrow cro-magon
Johnson: <cheerfully> Okay larda-
Helton: Gentlemen!..Or maybe I should say children…now Tony…what is the meaning of your actions at Sonama..you’re outdoing yourself big time..
Stewart: <raising arms with palms upturned> But that wasn’t me driving, was Steve!
Helton: err..Steve?
Stewart: <nodding lots> Same guy who punched the cameraman a couple of years ago..also same dude that tried to take all those drivers out at Martinsville.
B Labonte: <holding face in hands, low voice to self> Oboy…
Wallace: <to Newman> He finally went around the bend...
Waltrip: <loss of words…for once>
Helton: <eyes wide at Stewart> Ahh..err…well Tony, you’ve helped clear up the mystery about your actions…that’s for sure…
Whole room: <nodding>
Helton: <still stunned by Tony> All right, lets move on to-
R. Gordon: <to Martin, but just loud enough so room can hear> Well that explains the weight gain on Tony..poor dude has to eat enough for two now
Marlin: or 3…
T. Labonte: Why stop at just 3? How about 4 or-
Helton: Enough! All of you are just asking to be put on double secret probation for the rest of the year you know? Lets broach the subject of Robby and Junior..what was going on this weekend?
R. Gordon: <whining> Man…why you got to start with me Mr. Helton? My weekend was bad enough as is…
Earnhardt Jr: <pointing at Robby> He thinks he’s God’s gift to road races and thought he could push me around and block me!
Helton: <sternly to Robby> Robby, I would punish you, but frankly I haven’t seen that much trouble since..well…Newman took on the plate tracks and lost last year…
Vickers: <nonchalant tone of voice> So umm Mr. Helton….what’re you going to do about Tony? I did get hurt you know…
Stewart: <rolling eyes> ohhh…did I hurt your wittle ego? <clutching hands to heart>
Busch: <to Vickers whispering> Dude..you should’ve embellished the story…like I did last year with Spencer…would be more credible then…then Mr Hendrick could’ve called the cops..<chuckles> That’s a new one…Hendrick calling the cops instead of having the cops call on him!
Vickers: <glares at Busch> did you forget….your brother drives for him too…
Busch: Yes..the family is aghast…one of our own driving for Felony Motorsports….disowning him is currently in the process…
Helton: <looking at Stewart squarely in the eye> while your antics have raised ratings, they’re a black eye on the sport…
J Gordon: <raising hand wildly> Kinda like Jr’s fans at Taladega, Mr Helton???
Helton: You’re not helping Jeff…
Tony: <air of dismissal to the whole thing> Well…*I* don’t see why I should get blamed for the stuff Steve has been doing…sometimes Bob acts up and causes trouble too.
Helton: NOT even going to ask who Bob is…
Schrader: <low whistle listening to Tony> Someone obviously didn’t put enough padding on the roll bars in his car to protect his head.
R.Wallace: Oh he needs something that is padded alright…like a room…
Stewart: Hearing your brother’s voice in those stacker2 commercials isn’t helping me either, Wallace
R. Wallace: How’s the finger doing lately Tony?
Stewart: <sits down and fumes>
Harvick: We can’t get rid of Tony! Then these meetings will be all about me then!
R Gordon: <disdain in voice> Don’t you wish Havawreck…its always got to be about you..you’re even more delusional than Tony then.
Stewart and Harvick: HEY!!!
Gaughan: Mr. Helton, maybe Tony is just going through withdrawal since Chef Boyarde quit sponsoring him?
Helton: <stifling a laugh while trying to keep a straight face>
Stewart: <glaring at Brendan> Don’t make me go over there and shut you up boy..
Newman: <mocking tone of voice> Oh give me a break Beefstew…you’re so out of shape you couldn’t even walk to the back of the room without getting out of breath.
Darby: <to Helton> You sure do grab the reins and take control of these meetings don’t you?
Helton: <Just gets up and leaves the meeting>
Mayfield: <all happy> Hey Mr. Helton left early, does this mean he will be asked last regarding officiating decisions next race?
Hush befalls whole room pondering that
Darby: Meeting over…not like we had one really…you men are going to drive Mr. Helton to the asylum…
Khane: Oh I promise to go see him…when I visit Tony over there
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:lol: