S
sgbg88
Guest
Cuzzin' Fudd puts the entire Winston Cup field on probation... for this or that
Howdy Doodies, what's shakin'?
Ever'thing is good with the ol' Fudd (cept fer the dentist sayin' I need some fillin's on all five of them suckers in there). Dern it all.
Anywhoooo... last week I made fun of NASCAR fer allowin' Todd Bodine to get away with wreckin' himself and others all the dern time, and low and behold, they done followed my lead again... puttin' that young man on double-secret probation.
I figured, since NASCAR is apparently lookin' at me fer guidance now, I'd go ahead and tell'm which other probations to hand out.
Here goes......
Driver - Reason Fer Probation
Tony Stewart - Fer that horrible scruff on his face every dern time ya see'm. Maybe we fans outta hold out razors when he walks by... he's apparently so afraid of'm he'll never get close enough to shove us.
Jerry Nadeau - Hurt while runnin' go-karts? How much did that race pay big Jer? Ugh.
Sponsors - Y'all got a jillion dollars and still can't get commercials right. Do ya realize how friggin' silly ya make the drivers look when ya got Little E on dates, Bobby Labonte and Jeff Burton haulin' trash, and Dale Jarrett cookin' out while wearin' their racin' uniforms?
Jeff Gordon - Let's see, he spins out one guy, then runs over the curb (just like Todd Bodine ran over the grass at Charlotte) and spins out another... but does Jeffy Poo get probation? In Fudd's world ever'body is equal. You bet he does.
Bodines and Sadlers - Any and all of'm deserve probation fer bein' the last four or five names in the runnin' order so dern often.
Hideo Fukuyama - Fer somehow finishin' behind the Bodines and the Sadlers when he races.
Craftsman Truck Series - Fer disappearin' from the radar weeks and weeks ago.
Pit Reporters - Fer sayin' stuff that's so dern dumb I can't believe it. This week's gem (out of 50 or so) had to be this incredibly insightful stuff from pit road -- "What he needs is better track position if he's going to run near the front." Ya reckon?
Kurt Busch - Fer not lettin' Johnny Benson win.
Johnny Benson - Fer settlin' fer second.
Ricky Rudd - Fer bein' the last great driver in the famous #28. (OK, that ain't his fault, it's hard to find stuff wrong with Ricky Rudd).
Dale Earnhardt Jr. - Fer not marryin' my cousin Hilda Sue... I gotta hear about y'all not meetin' or marryin' every dern day! Hop to it son!
Ward Burton - Fer turnin' the words race car into four or more syllables.
Ricky Craven - Fer bein' so far outta the limelight I can't even think of nuthin'.
Rusty Wallace - Fer still sayin' "hot rod" all the dern time. I know it was common the last time he was battlin' fer a title, but that's been a decade and some ago... OK?
Mark Martin - Fer bein' satisfied with finishin' in the top-5 in points... just like the ol' days.
Bobby Labonte - Fer that gosh-awful paint scheme. The Lima Bean machine needs a serious overhaul.
John Andretti - For helpin' take the fear of the #43 out of ever'body's minds.
Mike Bliss - Who?
Ryan Newman - Fer tellin' ever'body a few years ago that he was "the next Jeff Gordon." Finishin' second and winnin' poles don't quite get it son.
Steve Park - Fer racin' every weekend. I know ya love it man, but another hard knock and what happens? It ain't worth it.
Jeff Burton - Fer droppin' from No. 1 to No. 4 on his team faster than ya can say Roushkateers.
Michael Waltrip - Fer never bein' able to fit into the family genes.
Matt Kenseth - Fer bein' a nice kid who races hard and clean (makes all the others look bad).
Dave Blaney - Fer gettin' the way of the leaders at least five times a race.
Casey Atwood - Fer only meetin' the expectations folks would have fer me if I was racin' next weekend.
Terry Labonte - Fer tryin' to replace the #25 car as the worst at Hendrick. It's tradition man, come on.
Robby Gordon - Good gosh, I don't know where to start. I'd prolly wear out these keys if I got goin' on this one.
Jimmy Spencer - Fer finishin' a race at Martinsville without wreckin' anyone. Where's the Jimmy we all know'd and love'd?
Bobby Hamilton - He still racin'? Really?
Ken Schrader - Fer bein' such a nice guy. Be more fun makin' fun of the weak results if ya weren't.
Mike Wallace - See Michael Waltrip.
Kenny Wallace - See Mike Wallace.
Jeremy Mayfield - See Casey Atwood.
Kevin Harvick - Fer talkin' the talk before realizin' it ain't so easy to walk the walk.
Jeff Green - Fer givin' up wins and championships in Busch in order to finish 30th in Cup.
Mike Skinner - Fer bein' outta focus... even in the Kodak car.
Kyle Petty - Fer confusin' my youngin's about what the word Sprint means.
Joe Nemechek - See Ricky Craven.
Bill Elliott - Fer acceptin' all them most popular driver awards despite knowin' it couldn't have been more fixed. Don't know who is more shameful, the ones fixin' the votes or him actually thinkin' he was more popular than an Earnhardt, Gordon, Wallace, etc.
NASCAR - See Robby Gordon.
Cuzzin' Fudd - Fer not gettin' back to y'all's e-mails the past two weeks. I been travelin' to races and spendin' any free time I got trackin' down my ancestors (a new hobby). So far I got back to eight generations and reckon pretty soon I'll be outta my immediate family.
You can write Cuzzin Fudd - and he'll get back to you - at [email protected]
Howdy Doodies, what's shakin'?
Ever'thing is good with the ol' Fudd (cept fer the dentist sayin' I need some fillin's on all five of them suckers in there). Dern it all.
Anywhoooo... last week I made fun of NASCAR fer allowin' Todd Bodine to get away with wreckin' himself and others all the dern time, and low and behold, they done followed my lead again... puttin' that young man on double-secret probation.
I figured, since NASCAR is apparently lookin' at me fer guidance now, I'd go ahead and tell'm which other probations to hand out.
Here goes......
Driver - Reason Fer Probation
Tony Stewart - Fer that horrible scruff on his face every dern time ya see'm. Maybe we fans outta hold out razors when he walks by... he's apparently so afraid of'm he'll never get close enough to shove us.
Jerry Nadeau - Hurt while runnin' go-karts? How much did that race pay big Jer? Ugh.
Sponsors - Y'all got a jillion dollars and still can't get commercials right. Do ya realize how friggin' silly ya make the drivers look when ya got Little E on dates, Bobby Labonte and Jeff Burton haulin' trash, and Dale Jarrett cookin' out while wearin' their racin' uniforms?
Jeff Gordon - Let's see, he spins out one guy, then runs over the curb (just like Todd Bodine ran over the grass at Charlotte) and spins out another... but does Jeffy Poo get probation? In Fudd's world ever'body is equal. You bet he does.
Bodines and Sadlers - Any and all of'm deserve probation fer bein' the last four or five names in the runnin' order so dern often.
Hideo Fukuyama - Fer somehow finishin' behind the Bodines and the Sadlers when he races.
Craftsman Truck Series - Fer disappearin' from the radar weeks and weeks ago.
Pit Reporters - Fer sayin' stuff that's so dern dumb I can't believe it. This week's gem (out of 50 or so) had to be this incredibly insightful stuff from pit road -- "What he needs is better track position if he's going to run near the front." Ya reckon?
Kurt Busch - Fer not lettin' Johnny Benson win.
Johnny Benson - Fer settlin' fer second.
Ricky Rudd - Fer bein' the last great driver in the famous #28. (OK, that ain't his fault, it's hard to find stuff wrong with Ricky Rudd).
Dale Earnhardt Jr. - Fer not marryin' my cousin Hilda Sue... I gotta hear about y'all not meetin' or marryin' every dern day! Hop to it son!
Ward Burton - Fer turnin' the words race car into four or more syllables.
Ricky Craven - Fer bein' so far outta the limelight I can't even think of nuthin'.
Rusty Wallace - Fer still sayin' "hot rod" all the dern time. I know it was common the last time he was battlin' fer a title, but that's been a decade and some ago... OK?
Mark Martin - Fer bein' satisfied with finishin' in the top-5 in points... just like the ol' days.
Bobby Labonte - Fer that gosh-awful paint scheme. The Lima Bean machine needs a serious overhaul.
John Andretti - For helpin' take the fear of the #43 out of ever'body's minds.
Mike Bliss - Who?
Ryan Newman - Fer tellin' ever'body a few years ago that he was "the next Jeff Gordon." Finishin' second and winnin' poles don't quite get it son.
Steve Park - Fer racin' every weekend. I know ya love it man, but another hard knock and what happens? It ain't worth it.
Jeff Burton - Fer droppin' from No. 1 to No. 4 on his team faster than ya can say Roushkateers.
Michael Waltrip - Fer never bein' able to fit into the family genes.
Matt Kenseth - Fer bein' a nice kid who races hard and clean (makes all the others look bad).
Dave Blaney - Fer gettin' the way of the leaders at least five times a race.
Casey Atwood - Fer only meetin' the expectations folks would have fer me if I was racin' next weekend.
Terry Labonte - Fer tryin' to replace the #25 car as the worst at Hendrick. It's tradition man, come on.
Robby Gordon - Good gosh, I don't know where to start. I'd prolly wear out these keys if I got goin' on this one.
Jimmy Spencer - Fer finishin' a race at Martinsville without wreckin' anyone. Where's the Jimmy we all know'd and love'd?
Bobby Hamilton - He still racin'? Really?
Ken Schrader - Fer bein' such a nice guy. Be more fun makin' fun of the weak results if ya weren't.
Mike Wallace - See Michael Waltrip.
Kenny Wallace - See Mike Wallace.
Jeremy Mayfield - See Casey Atwood.
Kevin Harvick - Fer talkin' the talk before realizin' it ain't so easy to walk the walk.
Jeff Green - Fer givin' up wins and championships in Busch in order to finish 30th in Cup.
Mike Skinner - Fer bein' outta focus... even in the Kodak car.
Kyle Petty - Fer confusin' my youngin's about what the word Sprint means.
Joe Nemechek - See Ricky Craven.
Bill Elliott - Fer acceptin' all them most popular driver awards despite knowin' it couldn't have been more fixed. Don't know who is more shameful, the ones fixin' the votes or him actually thinkin' he was more popular than an Earnhardt, Gordon, Wallace, etc.
NASCAR - See Robby Gordon.
Cuzzin' Fudd - Fer not gettin' back to y'all's e-mails the past two weeks. I been travelin' to races and spendin' any free time I got trackin' down my ancestors (a new hobby). So far I got back to eight generations and reckon pretty soon I'll be outta my immediate family.
You can write Cuzzin Fudd - and he'll get back to you - at [email protected]
