As the Wheel Turns Awards Show 2002

R

RoyalOrange

Guest
We now take you to a new type of awards show. Obscure awards that you won't see on TNN or FOX.

disclaimer: the views listed in this program are the opinion of yours truly, RoyalOrange, and in no way try to reflect the Oscars or other "real" award shows. All rights reserved.

Best Sunglasses: Bobby Labonte
Sponsors Dream: Michael Waltrip. Always ready to plug any one of his sponsors, any time, any where.
Sponsors Nightmare: Tony Stewart. No explanation necessary.
Best Accent: Ward Burton. Awww shucks, yall.
Party Animal: Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Always party-ready with a keg of DMP Bootleg Beer.
Retro Award: Rusty Wallace. This award is given to the driver living in the past, using terms such as "super hot rod" and "groovy set of brakes".
Prettiest smile: Tony Stewart (but only when he wants to)
The I'm Talking and I Can't Shut Up Award: Kurt Busch, with Mikey Waltrip at a close second.
Wannabe of the Year: Robbie Gordon
Touched by an Angel Award: Jack Roush. Honorable mention: Mike Harmon.
Disco Award: Mikey Waltrip
Best Hair: Jimmie Johnson
Worst Hair: Todd Bodine. Duh.
Best Obscene Gesture: Jimmie Johnson @ Bristol
Potty Mouth: Chad Knauss. Able to drop the f-bomb at will.
Best Commercial: Jer-a-may Mayfield. I'll bet Octane 93 sales are up so much they can't keep it on the shelves.
Longest trip to the infield care center: Dale Jarrett. Takes a little while when you go on foot.
Welterweight Award: Ricky Rudd. Runner up: Kevin Harvick.
Someone to watch over me Award: Greg Zippadelli.
Lonliest Guy Award: Jeff Gordon.
Discovery Award: Jamie McMurray.
Hottest Girlfriend/Wife: Jaime Shaffer. (possibly soon to be Jaime Stewart, perhaps?)
Best Pants: Tony Stewart. Oh My God!!
Dumbass Move Award: Sterling Marlin. Sterling, please stay in your car.
Bridesmaid Award: Mark Martin. Followed closely by Rusty Wallace. How many 2nd place finishes can you have in one year?
Best Paint Scheme: #20 Great Pumpkin Bristol Night Race car. Close second: #18 Let's Roll.
Worst Paint Scheme: #88 Big Brown Turd-mobile
Homeless Award: Jimmy Spencer
Class Clown: Kenny Wallace.
Best Burnout: Johnny Benson. Long overdue, and well deserved.
Pit Celebrity: Kid Rock. Where there is Smoke, there is Kid.
Rainman Award: Ryan Newman. Hardly ever speaks, but when he does...it's a doozy.
Hottie: Ty Norris. Hands down.
The Brown Bag Over the Head Award: Yes, you guessed it:
GREG BIFFLE!!!!!!!!!!
And the final award of the year:
Most Photogenic: Tony Stewart. truly a photographer's dream.

Tune in for periodic updates of As the Wheel Turns.
 
Most Photogenic: Tony Stewart. truly a photographer's dream.

That one got me almost on the floor laughing! LMAO! Good job on those!
 
GREAT job RO!! I was afraid that since the season was over, we weren't going to be privy to such works of art for a couple of months. Glad to see that I was wrong.

:calpping:
 
As usual RO, great job!!

But Jeffie ain't lonely...Rayna and I still love him:lovewow:
 
LOL. Those are all very good. I would love to see them hand out those awards.
 
hehe

question though. I can agree with

"The I'm Talking and I Can't Shut Up Award: Kurt Busch, with Mikey Waltrip at a close second."

but the Disco Award for Mikey Waltrip?
 
Great job as always, RO. I will volunteer to keep Jeff company over the long, lonely off season. :( It's hard work, but someone's got to do it.;)
 
Great list, RO. A shame some of these can't be "awarded". ROTFL

But, in the Best Pants category, I'd have to go with Junior. Those loooooong legs that go all the way up. *sigh*

racer8, I'll be happy to help with the keg. ;)
 
I hate to be picky here, but since when was octane 93 GASOLINE ever stored on a shelf?
 
Originally posted by TexasRaceLady
You're both wrong!  ;)

It's Octane 93 perfume!  ROTFL
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You are correct TRL, I wear it every Raceday, don't you? Doesn't matter who your favorite driver is! It comes in mens' aftershave and cologne as well! I think, though, that the aftershave is only octane 89!:xxrotf:
 
[
Hottest Girlfriend/Wife:  Jaime Shaffer. (possibly soon to be  [/b]
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i guess im not that observant do yall have a picture of her?
 
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