D
dupont4me
Guest
Some interesting and funny comparisons...
ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (I don't know about this one :lol: )
BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items, and would be afraid to REALLY know what they are for.
OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is aware some noisy little #$!@%'s are living in the house and eating all the good food.
Biggest difference is in the shower:
Women take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 33 degrees.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately and rush to bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whinge even more about how you're getting fat.
Turn on the hot water only.
Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Complain bitterly when you realise that your boyfriend/husband has been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.
Men take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
Walk to bathroom wearing a towel, tensing all available muscles. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (always there, whatever your shape)
Turn on the water. Check for pecs again. (yup, still there) Get in the shower.
Have some Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake stuff. 2 minute full body wash (NO accessories).
Shampoo your hair. (NO conditioner)
Make a shampoo Mohawk. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror. (Grrrr).
Return to the bedroom wearing a towel tensing all available muscles, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
I know this was a long one but it tickled me....hope you all enjoyed!
ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (I don't know about this one :lol: )
BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items, and would be afraid to REALLY know what they are for.
OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is aware some noisy little #$!@%'s are living in the house and eating all the good food.
Biggest difference is in the shower:
Women take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 33 degrees.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately and rush to bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whinge even more about how you're getting fat.
Turn on the hot water only.
Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Complain bitterly when you realise that your boyfriend/husband has been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of scalding water.
Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.
Men take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
Walk to bathroom wearing a towel, tensing all available muscles. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (always there, whatever your shape)
Turn on the water. Check for pecs again. (yup, still there) Get in the shower.
Have some Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake stuff. 2 minute full body wash (NO accessories).
Shampoo your hair. (NO conditioner)
Make a shampoo Mohawk. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror. (Grrrr).
Return to the bedroom wearing a towel tensing all available muscles, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
I know this was a long one but it tickled me....hope you all enjoyed!
