B
boB
Guest
As I noted in that thread about the fish talking to each other by farting, that type of thing has been the norm around our house for years.
Well, last night it reached some kind of new heights.
As all New Englanders know, Saturday night is, and has been since the earliest days of our country, the night for baked beans and ham.
Being born and brought up in these parts, the wife learned at a young age how to bake up a wonderfully gassey pot of baked beans for the Saturday night meal. Lots of salt pork, some brown sugar and molasses, toss in some bacon strips and...
now doggone it, I'm makin' myself hungry again.
Anyhow, back to the story.
You serve these beans up with lots of slow boiled ham, fresh cole slaw, homemade brown bread and plenty of homemade, sweet onion relish. Topped off with a generous slab of homemade apple pie and some really sharp cheddar cheese for dessert.
Now, you want to talk about some kind of gaseous communication kids; we're talking nuclear type expulsions here.
So...after both the wife and I had eaten our fill of this rather potent, almost certainly explosive meal, after I spent several hours sitting outside the house taking time lapse photos of the lunar eclipse, and we both had watched some foolish whatever on the tube, we retired to the bedroom and what should have been a quiet night's rest.
WRONG!!! OBOY how wrong!!
Things weren't too bad at first.
Just the occasional pffffft, maybe a bit of brrrrumpph, and the smell wasn't beyond what a normal person could bear. Maybe make your eyes water a bit type of thing.
HOWEVER, as the night wore on, things seemed to go from the small, rather minor discharge, to louder and more odorous events. The type of thing that can, and sometimes does, raise the blankets or maybe even cause your eyes to really water and even gag a bit. Nothing too serious though.
Actually, it was getting rather smelly.
After one particularly loud and rank release from myself, the wife decided to reply in kind.
Now, this has become a contest between man and wife; I should have known better than try to argue with any woman, especially my bride of over forty years.
She always has to get the last word. Or whatever.
Unfortunately, this whole thing led to a simultaneous release of pent-up gas from two old farts which most surely registered as some sort of event at the Weston Observatory down in Massachusetts. Pobably somewhere around a 10 or higher on the Richter scale.
The blankets were blown completely off the bed, the wallpaper simply slid down to the floor and the paint peeled off the woodwork.
The real damage however, was to the newly installed, double insulated, vynl clad windows. Both of those bedroom windows were blown completely across the driveway and onto the neighbors front lawn.
Luckily, I had a couple sheets of plywood out in the barn; it was just that I hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night to board up blown out windows when the temperature is below freezing, but one does what one must do.
So now, I've got to get off the computer and see if I can salvage those blown-out window units while the wife tries to get some paper and paint back on the walls and woodwork.
What a way to have to spend one's Sunday morning.
The good news is that by blowing out the windows, the gas vented through those openings before the furnace started.
IF that had occurred, I doubt we'd have much house left to repair.
All this typing is making me hungry.....
I wonder if there's any of them beans left over for a couple of cold baked bean sandwiches for a mid-morning snack?
Later.
Well, last night it reached some kind of new heights.
As all New Englanders know, Saturday night is, and has been since the earliest days of our country, the night for baked beans and ham.
Being born and brought up in these parts, the wife learned at a young age how to bake up a wonderfully gassey pot of baked beans for the Saturday night meal. Lots of salt pork, some brown sugar and molasses, toss in some bacon strips and...
now doggone it, I'm makin' myself hungry again.
Anyhow, back to the story.
You serve these beans up with lots of slow boiled ham, fresh cole slaw, homemade brown bread and plenty of homemade, sweet onion relish. Topped off with a generous slab of homemade apple pie and some really sharp cheddar cheese for dessert.
Now, you want to talk about some kind of gaseous communication kids; we're talking nuclear type expulsions here.
So...after both the wife and I had eaten our fill of this rather potent, almost certainly explosive meal, after I spent several hours sitting outside the house taking time lapse photos of the lunar eclipse, and we both had watched some foolish whatever on the tube, we retired to the bedroom and what should have been a quiet night's rest.
WRONG!!! OBOY how wrong!!
Things weren't too bad at first.
Just the occasional pffffft, maybe a bit of brrrrumpph, and the smell wasn't beyond what a normal person could bear. Maybe make your eyes water a bit type of thing.
HOWEVER, as the night wore on, things seemed to go from the small, rather minor discharge, to louder and more odorous events. The type of thing that can, and sometimes does, raise the blankets or maybe even cause your eyes to really water and even gag a bit. Nothing too serious though.
Actually, it was getting rather smelly.
After one particularly loud and rank release from myself, the wife decided to reply in kind.
Now, this has become a contest between man and wife; I should have known better than try to argue with any woman, especially my bride of over forty years.
She always has to get the last word. Or whatever.
Unfortunately, this whole thing led to a simultaneous release of pent-up gas from two old farts which most surely registered as some sort of event at the Weston Observatory down in Massachusetts. Pobably somewhere around a 10 or higher on the Richter scale.
The blankets were blown completely off the bed, the wallpaper simply slid down to the floor and the paint peeled off the woodwork.
The real damage however, was to the newly installed, double insulated, vynl clad windows. Both of those bedroom windows were blown completely across the driveway and onto the neighbors front lawn.
Luckily, I had a couple sheets of plywood out in the barn; it was just that I hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night to board up blown out windows when the temperature is below freezing, but one does what one must do.
So now, I've got to get off the computer and see if I can salvage those blown-out window units while the wife tries to get some paper and paint back on the walls and woodwork.
What a way to have to spend one's Sunday morning.
The good news is that by blowing out the windows, the gas vented through those openings before the furnace started.
IF that had occurred, I doubt we'd have much house left to repair.
All this typing is making me hungry.....
I wonder if there's any of them beans left over for a couple of cold baked bean sandwiches for a mid-morning snack?
Later.