Ed's Vacation

majestyx

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Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on
a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life --until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shoreof an island with no other people, no supplies...nothing...only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day
when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says.
"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing,' he says. "You were really lucky to have a
rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?' replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out
of raw material I found on the island. The oars were
whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom
from palm branches. And the sides and stern came
from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, but, that's impossible,' stutters Ed. "You had
no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the
south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata
of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a
certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and
used the tools to make the hardware." Ed is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat
at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly
falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk
leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue
and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with
an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead,
dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no, thank you.' he says, still dazed. "Can't take
any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice,"
the woman replies. "How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and
they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have
exchanged their stories, the woman announces,

"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would
you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor
upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the
bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from
a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground
edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel
mechanism. "Wow! This woman is amazing!" he muses,
"What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but
vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly
of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next
to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering
closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long
time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure
you really feel like doing right now, something you've
been longing for all these months. You know..." She
stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean---", he
swallows excitedly, "I can check my email?!"
 
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