J
Jmac
Guest
Car Phone
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned
that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking
the report called the phone and told the guy that answered
that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy
the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
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Put Your Foot In Your Mouth
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the
midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in
jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little
casually today, aren't we?"
The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company..."
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Oil Change
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas,
after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of
marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car
which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
change the oil.
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This Smells Odd
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an
ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he'd ever had.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Penny Saved...
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I,
after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and
stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out
they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each,
and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that
police officers easily jumped him from behind.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not Me!
The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that
a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said
he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into
a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for
breaking into the school.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Little Gas
A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)
for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde,
the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer
that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the
vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged
flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was
unharmed. AP
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Lottery
Californian Bill Helko was thrilled when he had the winning numbers
in the local lottery, the first prize being $412,000.
He straight away went and ordered a Porsche, booked a family holiday
in Hawaii and had a champagne dinner with his wife and friends at an
expensive Hollywood restaurant.
When he went to pick up the winnings he found that 9,097 others had
also won first prize and his share of the jackpot was $45.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks For Nothing
An ambulance was called to the aid of James Ritchie, thirty,
who was lying injured on a road outside Odell, Illinois. As it
arrived on the scene, the ambulance skidded on the snow-covered
roadway, then struck and killed Ritchie. UPI
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check It Out
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in
March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer
didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned
that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking
the report called the phone and told the guy that answered
that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy
the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Put Your Foot In Your Mouth
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the
midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in
jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little
casually today, aren't we?"
The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oil Change
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas,
after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of
marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car
which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
change the oil.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This Smells Odd
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an
ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he'd ever had.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Penny Saved...
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I,
after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and
stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out
they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each,
and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that
police officers easily jumped him from behind.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not Me!
The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that
a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said
he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into
a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for
breaking into the school.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Little Gas
A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)
for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde,
the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer
that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the
vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged
flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was
unharmed. AP
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Lottery
Californian Bill Helko was thrilled when he had the winning numbers
in the local lottery, the first prize being $412,000.
He straight away went and ordered a Porsche, booked a family holiday
in Hawaii and had a champagne dinner with his wife and friends at an
expensive Hollywood restaurant.
When he went to pick up the winnings he found that 9,097 others had
also won first prize and his share of the jackpot was $45.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks For Nothing
An ambulance was called to the aid of James Ritchie, thirty,
who was lying injured on a road outside Odell, Illinois. As it
arrived on the scene, the ambulance skidded on the snow-covered
roadway, then struck and killed Ritchie. UPI
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check It Out
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in
March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer
didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------