Application For Permission To Date My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.
1. Name: _______________________ Date of Birth:_______________
2. Height: _______ Weight: __________ IQ _______ G.P.A.__________
3. Social Security # _____________ Drivers Lic. #_________________
4. Boy Scout Rank ____________________________________________
5. Address:________________________City/State _____ZIP__________
6. Do you have one male and one female parent __________________
If no, Explain: __________________________________________________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married ______________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _____ Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? ____________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "late" mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does "don't touch my daughter" mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does "abstinence" mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
12. Church you attend __________________________ How often do you attend _____________________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/minister
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
14. Answer by filling in the blanks: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is __________________________________
b ) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________________________________________
c) A woman's place is in the _____________________________________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ________________________________________
( Note: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________________________________________ ______
I swear that all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, ant torture, electrocution, chinese water torture and red hot pokers.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your
application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?:
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...