P
pettyfan4life
Guest
1st DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know? That's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "Of course it does, you dummy, it's me!"
3rd DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly; and, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun; and, as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4th DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy, W."
5th DEGREE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says "Please come over here and help me..I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started". Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger". Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says..."First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger". He held her hand, and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax, let's have a cup off coffee, then...he sighed, "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box".
6th DEGREE
You heard what the blonde said when her doctor told her she was pregnant, right? "Oh, I hope its mine!"
7th DEGREE
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Goodness!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when, from out of nowhere, this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
8th DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, sat down on the steps and, putting her face in her hands, moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen and my house trashed. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know? That's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "Of course it does, you dummy, it's me!"
3rd DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly; and, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun; and, as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4th DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy, W."
5th DEGREE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says "Please come over here and help me..I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started". Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger". Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says..."First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger". He held her hand, and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax, let's have a cup off coffee, then...he sighed, "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box".
6th DEGREE
You heard what the blonde said when her doctor told her she was pregnant, right? "Oh, I hope its mine!"
7th DEGREE
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Goodness!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when, from out of nowhere, this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
8th DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, sat down on the steps and, putting her face in her hands, moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen and my house trashed. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
