C
cmorz
Guest
Guy Rules
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1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional.)
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.
10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach.... and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't
see nothin'.
14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the
death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set
it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone; Hang up if necessary.
20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only
in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
__________________
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1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional.)
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.
10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach.... and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't
see nothin'.
14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the
death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set
it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone; Hang up if necessary.
20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only
in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
__________________