DEAR SANTA
Holiday gifts for NASCAR's fast-living crowd
By Jeff Owens
CBS Sportsline
They have everything a man could want. Big houses, expensive cars, big boats, airplanes, million-dollar motor homes, trophy cases filled with shiny hardware, celebrity status and more money than they know what to do with.
Their toys include the best hunting, fishing and golf equipment money can buy. The younger crowd has every new gadget and gizmo created, from video games, to remote-control cars to iPods.
All that and they get to drive fast race cars for a living. Heck, some even own their own race track.
So what could NASCAR's Nextel Cup stars possibly want for Christmas?
What do you get the millionaire star athlete who really does have everything?
How about something to make them laugh -- a gift designed especially for them, one with a special meaning only them and their fans will understand. Something to remind them of the bloops and blunders and lighter moments of the 2004 season.
Like these gifts designed especially for these drivers:
Jimmie Johnson: A giant bottle of PowerAde. Johnson and teammate Jeff Gordon, both Gatorade-sponsored drivers, were at odds with NASCAR over the placement of big, blue PowerAde bottles on top of their cars in victory lane. Though PowerAde is the "official sports beverage of NASCAR," the bottles caused a sponsor conflict for Johnson, Gordon and other Gatorade drivers. Their answer? They either knocked the bottles off their cars or covered them from the view of TV cameras. Of course, the latter drew Johnson a hefty fine.
Jeff Gordon: A flu shot. Flu-like symptoms caused Gordon to miss many of the festivities surrounding the awards ceremony in New York. The untimely illness also cost him and Johnson the chance to defend their titles in the prestigious Race of Champions event in Paris.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: An automatic five-second delay for all television interviews and a copy of NASCAR's new book: How To Celebrate In Victory Lane Without Cursing on TV.
Tony Stewart: A year's supply of Imodium AD. For those long races at places like Watkins Glen, where a stomach virus can leave you needing more than just a pit stop.
Matt Kenseth: A robot. To help him practice for those Nextel commercials in which he plays a robot.
Kurt Busch: A Teleprompter. For the new champ to practice those script-like interviews that sound like NASCAR-written speeches.
Michael Waltrip: For the only driver who gets more TV time than Junior, a copy of the DVD of Michael Waltrip's Greatest Commercials.
Mark Martin: Sponsorship from Pfizer's newest wonder drug. He has to be getting tired of all those Viagra jokes.
Ryan Newman: A lifetime invitation to the Chase, the new playoff format he calls "silly" and "ridiculous."
Kasey Kahne: An appearance on the TV show The Bachelor. After all, People magazine named him one of its 50 hottest men.
Kevin Harvick: A Matt Kenseth T-shirt and a new front bumper. Harvick showed up in a Kenseth T-shirt the week after the two tangled on the track at Pocono. Why the new front bumper? He wore his out hitting people this year.
Rusty Wallace: After his feud with Newman, Dr. Phil's new book, How To Get Along With Your Teammate.
Jeremy Mayfield: Dr. Phil's new book How To Get Along With Rusty. A few years after feuding with Wallace, Mayfield will drive one of Wallace's Busch cars next year.
Joe Nemechek: A giant G.I. Joe. His first victory in the Army-sponsored car was one of the feel-good stories of the year.
Greg Biffle: Action figures of The Flash and Wonder Women. The spandex-clad superheroes joined Biffle in victory lane after his win in a DC Comics-sponsored car at Michigan.
NASCAR chairman Brian France: A big bottle of Crown Royal. It was France who spearheaded NASCAR's new policy to allow hard-liquor sponsors.
For NASCAR officials: A red flag. For all those occasions when they can't figure out the running order, or when the caution lights are supposed to come on, or when pit road is supposed to be open, or who is on the lead lap or ...
For NASCAR fans: Foam-covered beer cans for all those races when NASCAR officials make you so mad you just have to litter the track with garbage.
And for all of NASCAR's Nextel Cup competitors: A little time to relax before one of the most hectic schedules in sports starts all over again.
Holiday gifts for NASCAR's fast-living crowd
By Jeff Owens
CBS Sportsline
They have everything a man could want. Big houses, expensive cars, big boats, airplanes, million-dollar motor homes, trophy cases filled with shiny hardware, celebrity status and more money than they know what to do with.
Their toys include the best hunting, fishing and golf equipment money can buy. The younger crowd has every new gadget and gizmo created, from video games, to remote-control cars to iPods.
All that and they get to drive fast race cars for a living. Heck, some even own their own race track.
So what could NASCAR's Nextel Cup stars possibly want for Christmas?
What do you get the millionaire star athlete who really does have everything?
How about something to make them laugh -- a gift designed especially for them, one with a special meaning only them and their fans will understand. Something to remind them of the bloops and blunders and lighter moments of the 2004 season.
Like these gifts designed especially for these drivers:
Jimmie Johnson: A giant bottle of PowerAde. Johnson and teammate Jeff Gordon, both Gatorade-sponsored drivers, were at odds with NASCAR over the placement of big, blue PowerAde bottles on top of their cars in victory lane. Though PowerAde is the "official sports beverage of NASCAR," the bottles caused a sponsor conflict for Johnson, Gordon and other Gatorade drivers. Their answer? They either knocked the bottles off their cars or covered them from the view of TV cameras. Of course, the latter drew Johnson a hefty fine.
Jeff Gordon: A flu shot. Flu-like symptoms caused Gordon to miss many of the festivities surrounding the awards ceremony in New York. The untimely illness also cost him and Johnson the chance to defend their titles in the prestigious Race of Champions event in Paris.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: An automatic five-second delay for all television interviews and a copy of NASCAR's new book: How To Celebrate In Victory Lane Without Cursing on TV.
Tony Stewart: A year's supply of Imodium AD. For those long races at places like Watkins Glen, where a stomach virus can leave you needing more than just a pit stop.
Matt Kenseth: A robot. To help him practice for those Nextel commercials in which he plays a robot.
Kurt Busch: A Teleprompter. For the new champ to practice those script-like interviews that sound like NASCAR-written speeches.
Michael Waltrip: For the only driver who gets more TV time than Junior, a copy of the DVD of Michael Waltrip's Greatest Commercials.
Mark Martin: Sponsorship from Pfizer's newest wonder drug. He has to be getting tired of all those Viagra jokes.
Ryan Newman: A lifetime invitation to the Chase, the new playoff format he calls "silly" and "ridiculous."
Kasey Kahne: An appearance on the TV show The Bachelor. After all, People magazine named him one of its 50 hottest men.
Kevin Harvick: A Matt Kenseth T-shirt and a new front bumper. Harvick showed up in a Kenseth T-shirt the week after the two tangled on the track at Pocono. Why the new front bumper? He wore his out hitting people this year.
Rusty Wallace: After his feud with Newman, Dr. Phil's new book, How To Get Along With Your Teammate.
Jeremy Mayfield: Dr. Phil's new book How To Get Along With Rusty. A few years after feuding with Wallace, Mayfield will drive one of Wallace's Busch cars next year.
Joe Nemechek: A giant G.I. Joe. His first victory in the Army-sponsored car was one of the feel-good stories of the year.
Greg Biffle: Action figures of The Flash and Wonder Women. The spandex-clad superheroes joined Biffle in victory lane after his win in a DC Comics-sponsored car at Michigan.
NASCAR chairman Brian France: A big bottle of Crown Royal. It was France who spearheaded NASCAR's new policy to allow hard-liquor sponsors.
For NASCAR officials: A red flag. For all those occasions when they can't figure out the running order, or when the caution lights are supposed to come on, or when pit road is supposed to be open, or who is on the lead lap or ...
For NASCAR fans: Foam-covered beer cans for all those races when NASCAR officials make you so mad you just have to litter the track with garbage.
And for all of NASCAR's Nextel Cup competitors: A little time to relax before one of the most hectic schedules in sports starts all over again.