C
cutiepie24
Guest
HOW TO IDENTIFY A TRUE SOUTHERNER
There are only a select few of us who understand how
really true all of the items below are!
1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between
a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't
"HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard
greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a
mess".
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder".
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long
"directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back
directly."
5. Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some
sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet
substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the
middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by"
is. They might not use the term, but they know the
concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the
best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got
trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's
trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a
large banana puddin'!) HOW TRUE
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the
difference between "right near" and "a right far
piece." They also know that "just down the road" can
be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands
the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
po' white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
with the flashing turn signal is actually going to
make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used
as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term
"booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive,
as in "that ol' booger", or
something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares
you senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing
in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines"; and
when we're "in line", we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of
them will discover they're related, even if only by
marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to one person as
"y'all."
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how
to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that
redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried
green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin' . ," you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet
milk" Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots
of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream
obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on
the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go
your own way.
There are only a select few of us who understand how
really true all of the items below are!
1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between
a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't
"HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard
greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a
mess".
3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder".
4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long
"directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back
directly."
5. Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some
sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet
substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the
middle of the table.
6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by"
is. They might not use the term, but they know the
concept well.
7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the
best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got
trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's
trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a
large banana puddin'!) HOW TRUE
8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the
difference between "right near" and "a right far
piece." They also know that "just down the road" can
be 1 mile or 20.
9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands
the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
po' white trash.
10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
with the flashing turn signal is actually going to
make a turn.
11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used
as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term
"booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive,
as in "that ol' booger", or
something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares
you senseless.
13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing
in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines"; and
when we're "in line", we talk to everybody!
14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of
them will discover they're related, even if only by
marriage.
15. True Southerners never refer to one person as
"y'all."
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how
to eat them.
17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that
redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried
green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin' . ," you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet
milk" Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots
of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream
obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on
the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go
your own way.
Back home in Oklahoma, along with sail cats, cow chips are fun to throw. You gotta be a real Okie though in order to know which chips are ripe enough to throw. Ah, you might throw in a few Texans too that can tell the difference. Ahhhh, love that smell! 
