Dear Diary,
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of
men & women differ so much. And I never have figured
out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why the
sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of
turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
"I said "WHAT????!!!" So she says the words that every
husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You must not be in
tune with my emotional needs as a woman."
"I'm thinking "what was her first clue?" I finally
realize that nothing was going to happen that night so
I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed
dept store... I walked around with her while she tried
on three different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take so I told her to take all three.
She wanted matching shoes, I said "lets get a pair for
each outfit. "We went to the jewelry dept. where she
gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started
to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was ok.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You
should have seen her face when she said "I think this is
all dear, lets go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey,
I don't feel like buying all of this stuff now." You
should have seen her face...it went completely blank.
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like
she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune
with my financial needs as a man."
I am sorry that was just cruel!!!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of
men & women differ so much. And I never have figured
out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. I have never figured out why the
sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of
turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
"I said "WHAT????!!!" So she says the words that every
husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You must not be in
tune with my emotional needs as a woman."
"I'm thinking "what was her first clue?" I finally
realize that nothing was going to happen that night so
I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed
dept store... I walked around with her while she tried
on three different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take so I told her to take all three.
She wanted matching shoes, I said "lets get a pair for
each outfit. "We went to the jewelry dept. where she
gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started
to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was ok.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You
should have seen her face when she said "I think this is
all dear, lets go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey,
I don't feel like buying all of this stuff now." You
should have seen her face...it went completely blank.
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like
she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune
with my financial needs as a man."
I am sorry that was just cruel!!!
