Michigan Wolverine jokes

[Benevolent One]

Man I love the start of the college football season!!

Those of you who are Buckeye fans will enjoy the refreshing truth and openness of this material. Those of you who are Michigan fans won't enjoy it because there are too many big words.


Q: Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.


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Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

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Q: Why did Michigan change their field from grass to artificial turf?

A: To keep the Michigan cheerleaders from grazing at half time.


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One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."


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Q: What do Michigan and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!


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Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a great football player.


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Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?

A: A visitor.


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Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.


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Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?

A: Drool

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General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?"

After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."


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Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours


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Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.


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Q. What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?

A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"


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It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

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One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Ohio State Buckeyes."

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."

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Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?

A: Columbus: 187 Miles


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Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!"

Seeing this the OSU grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.


GO BUCKS!

 

[TexasRaceLady]

BeOne, I want to thank you for a rousing start to Monday.

ROTFLMAO

 

[buckaroo]

Hmmm, so you think those were funny TRL?

All I can say is.... yawn! I've heard all of that before but it was ... no, I'm not going to say it.

Maybe it time for war here. The first shot has been fired, so let's hear from the Michigan fans, if they can get over their loss to App State.

 

[Benevolent One]

Maybe it time for war here. The first shot has been fired, so let's hear from the Michigan fans, if they can get over their loss to App State.

That's a big old IF right there. I can't even imagine the shame if the Buckeyes lost to a division 1-AA team. 1-AA champs or not, it is beyond embarrasing to lose your home opener to a team that's not even in division 1. Appalachian State is a very good team, but they had no business going into the Big House and punking the Wolverines in front of 109,000 of their home fans.

 

[TexasRaceLady]

Hmmm, so you think those were funny TRL?

All I can say is.... yawn! I've heard all of that before but it was ... no, I'm not going to say it.

Maybe it time for war here. The first shot has been fired, so let's hear from the Michigan fans, if they can get over their loss to App State.

buck, I didn't say they were funny --- LOL
I said they got my day off to a rousing start.

Most I've heard applied to A&M, Texas, and assorted other schools.

 

[Benevolent One]

Most I've heard applied to A&M, Texas, and assorted other schools.

I told my son the same thing when he was reading these. In fact i edited out a bunch of the jokes I found on that site because they were tires old jokes I had heard about other schools, races, etc.

I just thought these were the funnier ones.

 

[tkj24]

Oh my you done went and started a

war. Everyone cover their ears.

 

[buckaroo]

buck, I didn't say they were funny --- LOL
I said they got my day off to a rousing start.

Ahem, you do know what ROTFLMAO means don't you. Or of course, you could have been laughing because it was so sad.

Of course you know that I'm pulling your chain now.

Having lived in many different parts of the country, I've witnessed many different rivalries of college football and basketball. I think those rivalries are great and produce some very good entertainment.

 

[TexasRaceLady]

Buck, you just keep on pulling that chain.

Actually, I did laugh --- rather hard as a matter of fact.

 

[Benevolent One]

I wanted to bump these back up to the top again for this week. The greatest rivalry in sports in my opinion takes place again this week. Even though both teams lost last week it is still Ohio State-Michigan week.

 

[Benevolent One]

I found a few more. Sorry if any of these are duplicates, I tried to take the duplicates out.


Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Michigan campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan player?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a rat?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a rat will not do.

 

[Betsy]

And then comes the day after thanksgiving... For many years it was the turkey day game...but then the religaholics got into our fun.
Betsy

 

[barelypure]

That's a big old IF right there. I can't even imagine the shame if the Buckeyes lost to a division 1-AA team. 1-AA champs or not, it is beyond embarrasing to lose your home opener to a team that's not even in division 1. Appalachian State is a very good team, but they had no business going into the Big House and punking the Wolverines in front of 109,000 of their home fans.

And can I remind some of you that my lowly Wolfpack beat App last year. The year they won their National Championship. With their several losses this year I'd have to argue that their team was better last year.
I don't like playing 1AA teams, but if you're going to play them you better beat them. Oh, and in that vein the mighty unc-CH has declined to play App according to App AD, Charlie Cobb. A might fine fellow who I've met on several occasions...while he was Asst. AD at State...and he is also a former player for the Wolfpack.