S
stridsberry
Guest
GUITAR PLAYER
Q. What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A. Counterpoint.
Q. What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his
mouth?
A. The stage is level.
Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A. Give him some sheet music.
Q. What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his
amplifier on?
A. He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Q. In the 22th century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a
light source?
A. Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better
the old tubes were.
Q. How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune?
A. Evidently all of them.
Q. What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
A. His amp.
Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None--they just steal somebody else's light.
BASS PLAYER
Q. How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.
Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 1...5...1...5...1...
Q. Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A. He had to break the window to get the drummer out!
Q. How do you make a bass player stop playing?
A. Put a chart in front of him.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a bass player?
A. About half a beat.
A little boy finally convinces his parents to get him a bass. After his
first lesson his daddy asks how the lesson went. "Great, " says the little
boy, "I learned the first five notes on the E string." For the next week he
practiced E, F, F#, G, Ab. After the second week his daddy asks how the
lesson went. "Great, " says the little boy, "I learned the first five notes
on the A string." For the next week he practiced A, Bb, B, C, C#. After
the third week his daddy asks how the lesson went. "I had to skip the
lesson, man," he says, "I had a gig."
DRUMMER
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A drummer.
Q. What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A. Drool.
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise."
Q. How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
A. The knock gets faster.
Q. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't
just be pushed in.
B. Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne
C. Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room
spins.
D. None. They have a machine to do that.
Q. Why is it good that drummers have more brains than horses?
A. So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the
stage!"
Q: Where do you hide things from drummers?
A: Under the soap.
A little boy says to his father, "Daddy, when I grow up I'm going to be a
drummer". "Sorry, son," says his father, "...you can't do both..."
Q. How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A. You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a puppy?
A. The puppy will stop whining after a couple of months.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A. With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
Q. "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A. "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
Q. What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A. Counterpoint.
Q. What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his
mouth?
A. The stage is level.
Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A. Give him some sheet music.
Q. What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his
amplifier on?
A. He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Q. In the 22th century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a
light source?
A. Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better
the old tubes were.
Q. How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune?
A. Evidently all of them.
Q. What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
A. His amp.
Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None--they just steal somebody else's light.
BASS PLAYER
Q. How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.
Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 1...5...1...5...1...
Q. Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A. He had to break the window to get the drummer out!
Q. How do you make a bass player stop playing?
A. Put a chart in front of him.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a bass player?
A. About half a beat.
A little boy finally convinces his parents to get him a bass. After his
first lesson his daddy asks how the lesson went. "Great, " says the little
boy, "I learned the first five notes on the E string." For the next week he
practiced E, F, F#, G, Ab. After the second week his daddy asks how the
lesson went. "Great, " says the little boy, "I learned the first five notes
on the A string." For the next week he practiced A, Bb, B, C, C#. After
the third week his daddy asks how the lesson went. "I had to skip the
lesson, man," he says, "I had a gig."
DRUMMER
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A drummer.
Q. What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A. Drool.
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise."
Q. How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
A. The knock gets faster.
Q. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't
just be pushed in.
B. Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne
C. Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room
spins.
D. None. They have a machine to do that.
Q. Why is it good that drummers have more brains than horses?
A. So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the
stage!"
Q: Where do you hide things from drummers?
A: Under the soap.
A little boy says to his father, "Daddy, when I grow up I'm going to be a
drummer". "Sorry, son," says his father, "...you can't do both..."
Q. How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A. You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a puppy?
A. The puppy will stop whining after a couple of months.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A. With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
Q. "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A. "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
