NASCAR ‘Santa Awards’
Cheryl Walker
It’s the time of year when Ol’ St. Nick is doing his last sleigh inspections, and the reindeer are getting lots of extra protein for their high-intensity jaunt around the world in one night.
He has his ‘good and bad’ list completed, and the toys in his pack are being carefully loaded so as not to get dirty from the section containing those lumps of coal.
This year, at my request, Santa has agreed to deliver some special awards to some of our NASCAR drivers, in honor of special moments they were a part of from this past racing season.
Here are the awards, and the drivers that received them:
The Santa ‘Daytona 500 Lump in Your Throat’ Award goes to Dale Earnhardt, Jr., for successfully turning hundreds of thousands of fans into emotional mush, following his win in February.
The Santa ‘Most Charitable Remarks Following a Wreck’ Award goes to Bobby Labonte, following his lively spin after contact from Brian Vickers at Pocono. While he could have hotly complained, he was his usual cool-as-a-lime-green cucumber self.
The Santa ‘Smiling Despite the Irony’ Award goes to Jeff Burton, for uttering nary a peep about the irony of the No. 99 car getting that much sought after hard liquor company as a sponsor, right after he finds himself in the No. 30 Chevy.
The Santa ‘Hardest Commercial to Believe’ Award goes to Michael Waltrip, for his asking us to believe that when his tire goes flat, that he makes Buffy change it.
The Santa ‘Good-Natured Burn-Out Through the Debris’ Award goes to Jeff Gordon, for cheerily laying rubber through the coolers, Pepsi cups, and seat cushions that fans through on the track at Talladega, following a finish under caution.
The Santa ‘Most Forgiving Person of the Year’ Award goes to Jamie McMurray, for keeping his sexy upper-lip stiff, though winding up eleventh when it could have been different if not for C4C; as well as enduring Benny Parson’s consistent pronunciation of his last name as ‘Mackmerry’.
The Santa ‘I Really AM a Tough Guy’ Award goes to Allen Bestwick, following his break-a-leg hockey performance, as well as his presence in a very funny YJ Stinger commercial with Kenny Wallace, complete with wild hair and Frankenstein-inspired makeup.
The Santa ‘WHEW! How’d I Get Through That?’ Award goes to Mark Martin, for taking the win at Dover following a multi-car wreck that took out several competitors battling for the win.
The Santa ‘Bad Break’ Award goes to Kasey Kahne for the same race (Dover) when a sure win slipped through his fingers, after his car slipped through some oil on the track.
The Santa ‘Maddest We’ve Ever Seen Him’ Award goes to Matt Kenseth, for his post-race fury following the same race (Dover), where everyone from NASCAR officials to emergency crews were lashed with his wrath.
The Santa ‘Most Devoted Dad’ Award goes to Jimmy Spencer, for going above the call of duty for trying to protect his son from time in jail, by spending some time there himself.
The Santa ‘Lumps of Coal’ Award goes to all the fans that conjured up lots of terrible karma on Kurt Busch, to prevent him from getting the championship. Even wishing that tire off at Homestead-Miami didn’t work, did it?
So while you are rolling in the Yule log and dipping into the egg nog, please know these prestigious awards will be delivered on Christmas Eve. Makes your heart even lighter, doesn’t it?
A Very Merry Christmas to you and yours, everyone. And don’t forget to wish Jesus a ‘Happy Birthday’ before you start ripping into presents.
Cheryl Walker
It’s the time of year when Ol’ St. Nick is doing his last sleigh inspections, and the reindeer are getting lots of extra protein for their high-intensity jaunt around the world in one night.
He has his ‘good and bad’ list completed, and the toys in his pack are being carefully loaded so as not to get dirty from the section containing those lumps of coal.
This year, at my request, Santa has agreed to deliver some special awards to some of our NASCAR drivers, in honor of special moments they were a part of from this past racing season.
Here are the awards, and the drivers that received them:
The Santa ‘Daytona 500 Lump in Your Throat’ Award goes to Dale Earnhardt, Jr., for successfully turning hundreds of thousands of fans into emotional mush, following his win in February.
The Santa ‘Most Charitable Remarks Following a Wreck’ Award goes to Bobby Labonte, following his lively spin after contact from Brian Vickers at Pocono. While he could have hotly complained, he was his usual cool-as-a-lime-green cucumber self.
The Santa ‘Smiling Despite the Irony’ Award goes to Jeff Burton, for uttering nary a peep about the irony of the No. 99 car getting that much sought after hard liquor company as a sponsor, right after he finds himself in the No. 30 Chevy.
The Santa ‘Hardest Commercial to Believe’ Award goes to Michael Waltrip, for his asking us to believe that when his tire goes flat, that he makes Buffy change it.
The Santa ‘Good-Natured Burn-Out Through the Debris’ Award goes to Jeff Gordon, for cheerily laying rubber through the coolers, Pepsi cups, and seat cushions that fans through on the track at Talladega, following a finish under caution.
The Santa ‘Most Forgiving Person of the Year’ Award goes to Jamie McMurray, for keeping his sexy upper-lip stiff, though winding up eleventh when it could have been different if not for C4C; as well as enduring Benny Parson’s consistent pronunciation of his last name as ‘Mackmerry’.
The Santa ‘I Really AM a Tough Guy’ Award goes to Allen Bestwick, following his break-a-leg hockey performance, as well as his presence in a very funny YJ Stinger commercial with Kenny Wallace, complete with wild hair and Frankenstein-inspired makeup.
The Santa ‘WHEW! How’d I Get Through That?’ Award goes to Mark Martin, for taking the win at Dover following a multi-car wreck that took out several competitors battling for the win.
The Santa ‘Bad Break’ Award goes to Kasey Kahne for the same race (Dover) when a sure win slipped through his fingers, after his car slipped through some oil on the track.
The Santa ‘Maddest We’ve Ever Seen Him’ Award goes to Matt Kenseth, for his post-race fury following the same race (Dover), where everyone from NASCAR officials to emergency crews were lashed with his wrath.
The Santa ‘Most Devoted Dad’ Award goes to Jimmy Spencer, for going above the call of duty for trying to protect his son from time in jail, by spending some time there himself.
The Santa ‘Lumps of Coal’ Award goes to all the fans that conjured up lots of terrible karma on Kurt Busch, to prevent him from getting the championship. Even wishing that tire off at Homestead-Miami didn’t work, did it?
So while you are rolling in the Yule log and dipping into the egg nog, please know these prestigious awards will be delivered on Christmas Eve. Makes your heart even lighter, doesn’t it?
A Very Merry Christmas to you and yours, everyone. And don’t forget to wish Jesus a ‘Happy Birthday’ before you start ripping into presents.