A
ajk112802
Guest
A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette. 'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,' his friend says. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.' 'What's phase one?' 'I've quit buying.'
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New Years resolutions we can keep..
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
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New Years Resolutions Internet Junkies
- I will try to figure out why I "really" need 12 e-mail addresses.
- I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.
- I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
- I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
- I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... at least once a year.
- I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet - This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
- I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.
- When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
- I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
- I will think of a password other than "password."
- I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
----------------------------
New Years resolutions we can keep..
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
------------------------------------------
New Years Resolutions Internet Junkies
- I will try to figure out why I "really" need 12 e-mail addresses.
- I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.
- I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
- I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
- I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... at least once a year.
- I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet - This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
- I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.
- When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
- I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
- I will think of a password other than "password."
- I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
