Older Woman

[BobbyFord]

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, I wondered what her daughter might look like.
I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, 'Mom...you still awake?'

 

[muggle not]

Sounds like my luck.

 

[Racer1930]

Haha! Inspires me to post an old joke again:

Little old retired lady (Thelma) in her late 70s likes to go to garage sales and at one she buys an little old brass lamp for a quarter. She decides it would look okay on her shelf if she cleans it up - she rubs it and Whoosh!...out pops a Genie!

"Thank you so much ma'am...I have been in that lamp for hundreds of years...you now have three wishes"

Thelma is skeptical at first but then she figures - what the hell - Thelma: "OK Mr. Genie if you are who you say you are, my car is getting old and a bit unreliable...I would like a new car".

The Genie looks out the window at her old car - snaps his fingers and the aging Plymouth is transformed into a brand new Lexus.

"Wow!" says Thelma..."That was pretty good".

Genie: "And now for your second wish ma'am?"

Thelma: "Well Genie..I'm on a fixed income and I could use a little extra cash".

Whoosh again!...the flowers on her dining room table are transformed into bundles of $50 bills...hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Thelma thinks - 'this Genie is good!'

Genie says "well now it's time for your last wish"

Thelma thinks a minute and kind of blushes..."Well Mr. Genie, I know this may sound silly at my age, but I'd like a man"

Genie says: "Your wish is my command ma'am"...he looks over at the old tomcat sleeping on her couch and Whoosh!, the cat is transformed into a wonderfully handsome young man. Then poof! the Genie is gone.

Thelma is nervous about things but the young man rises from the couch, walks over to her, leans over and gently whispers in her ear..."I bet you wish you didn't take me to the vet now eh?"

 

[Whizzer]

Three elderly ladies met every morning for a walk in the park. This one morning, they were sitting on a park bench enjoying the day when a flasher walked up, stood in front of them and opened his raincoat. Mabel had a stroke, then, Florence had a stroke but the flasher was to far away for Harriet to get a stroke.