On Going-Funny song lyrics

[Benevolent One]

Whiskey's Gone
by Zac Brown Band

There's a note on the table
Said I ain't comin' back
'Til your sorry @ss is gone
I'm tired of the cheatin'
And runnin' around
Never saw the wrong
In anything you've done

Whiskey's gone but I ain't leavin'
There's gotta be a bottle in the back
Whiskey's gone but I ain't leavin'
Gotta get this devil off my...

Well I stumble my way
Down to the local bar
Where I saw the devil in my glass
The bartender told me
It was time to go
I told him that he could lick my sack

Whiskey's gone but I ain't leavin'
There's gotta be a way to get it back
Whiskey's gone but I ain't leavin'
Gotta get this devil off my...

I can drive...
I can drive...
Oooooh... chit

Kentucky, Tennessee you better find whiskey
Not leavin' it's a fact
Tomorrow, it's sour mash
Red nose, red face, gonna wreck the whole place
Look into the beer glass (indeciferable)
It's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone

Lord, it's a hard thing to overcome
Wake up, find the whiskey's gone

Whiskey's gone, but I ain't leavin'
There's gotta be a bottle of Jim Black
Whiskey's gone, but I ain't leavin
Gotta get this devil off my...

 

[Benevolent One]

Uneasy Rider
by The Charlie Daniels Band

I was takin' a trip out to L.A.
Toolin' along in my Cheverolet
Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio

Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
I heard that highway start to whine
And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow

Well the spare was flat and I got uptight
'Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim

I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar, a
Kind of a red-neck lookin' joint called the "Dew Drop Inn"

Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one

Well there was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me and
He just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone

I called up the station down the road a ways and
He said he wasn't very busy today
And he could have somone out there in just about 10 minutes or so

He said," Now, you just stay right where yer at!"
And I didn't bother to tell the dern fool
That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

I ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car
With the peace sign, the mag wheels and the four on the floor?"

Well he looked at me and I damn near died
And I decided that I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
These 5 big dudes come strollin' in
With this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth

Now I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son!"
And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night
Especially when there was three of them and only one of me

They all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee

Now he let out a yell that'd curl yer hair
But before he could move I grabbed me a chair
And said "Now watch him Folks cause he's a furly dangerous man!"

"Well you may not know it but this man is a spy.
He's a undercover agent for the FBI
And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"

He was still bent over holdin' on to his knee
But everybody else was lookin' and listenin' to me
And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went

I said "Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars
And he voted for George McGovern for President."

"Well he's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags!
I betchya he's even got a commie flag
Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage."

"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys
He may look dumb but that's just a disguise
He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

They all started lookin' real suspicious at him and
He jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute Jim!
You know he's lyin' I been livin' here all of my life!"

"I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church.
And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started saying somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed
But I didn't wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck

And when I hit the door I was makin' tracks
And they were just taking my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud
Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
Comin' out the door and headed toward me at a trot

And I guess I shoulda gone ahead and run
But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasin' them all just once around the parking lot

Well they're headed for their car but I hit the gas and
Spun around and headed 'em off at the pass
I was slingin' gavel and puttin' a ton o' dust in the air

Well I had them all out there steppin' and fetchin'
Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin'
but I figgered I'd better go ahead and split before the cops got there

When I hit the road I was really wheelin'
Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'
And I didn't slow down till I was almost to Arkansas

Well I think I'm gonna reroute my trip
I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to L.A., via Omaha

 

[Benevolent One]

The Lazy Song
by Bruno Mars

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

I'm gonna kick my feet up
Then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gonna tell me I can't

I'll be lounging on the couch,
Just chillin' in my snuggie
Click to MTV, so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man
Oh, oh

Yes I said it
I said it
I said it 'cause I can

Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all

Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Meet a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she's gonna scream out: 'This is Great'
(Oh my god, this is great)
Yeah

I might mess around, get my college degree
I bet my old man will be so proud of me
But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait
Oh, oh

Yes I said it
I said it
I said it 'cause I can

Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

No, I ain't gonna comb my hair
'Cause I ain't going anywhere
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh

I'll just strut in my birthday suit
And let everything hang loose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-eah

Oh
Today I don’t feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don’t feel like picking up my phone
So leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all

 

[kkfan91]

I love NASCAR
by Cledus T. Judd

We got owners, favorite drivers,
Boy, that Tony Stewart's a whiner.
An' we got rookies, advertisers,
Like, uh, let's see: Havoline, Target, sharpie, Caterpiller, Nextel,
Mountain Dew, DuPont, Lowes, Home Depot, Kodak,
M&Ms, UPS, Tide, Alltel, Gillette, Kelloggs, Viagra, DeWalt, and uh Budweiser.
But the trophy girls still have my favorite parts.
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, I love NASCAR

We got cautions, we got pitstops,
You can't hear a dang thing once the flag drops.
An' poor Kyle Petty, an' swervin' Marlin, ha ha,
Are gonna find it tough to beat Mark Martin.
'Cause that Viagra car is always driven hard.
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, I love NASCAR.

I love NASCAR, it's my kind of race.
Just watchin' Jeff Gordon plow up a wall,
Puts a smile on Dale Jr's face.
No caviar, it's beer an Mopar.
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, I love NASCAR.

I like short tracks, you'll see more wrecks,
An' about a million screamin' rednecks.
An' ol' Jeff Burton, ha, an' poor Mike Skinner,
Well, they've done forgot what it's like to be a winner.
An' Ken Schrader still ain't sure who his sponsors are.
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, I love NASCAR.

**"Hey, that was a close one up there boys.
**"Bout got into one there."
**"I might pull over right up here next pitstop,
"I want you to get two right front tires"
"I need a wedge on the left side to keep this windshield playin' on the gas.
"An' you don't care, hand me a pair of underwear, I have messed all in my drawers."

I like football. (I like football.)
I like my wrestlin'.
I like a good game of air hockey,
I like some ping pong now an' then.
How about you, Toby?

I love NASCAR, it's my kind of race.
Just to see Big E back on the track,
Would put a smile on every face.
No-one drove a car quite like Earnhardt.
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, I love NASCAR

Vroom, vroom, vroom: Gentlemen, start your engines
I love NASCAR.