Poor Baby--

S

sgbg88

Guest
Just didn't know how to handle this: ;) :) B)

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replies the stunned man.

With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.

Trembling the castaway replies, "Ten years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"
 
catch me if you can!!!

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
 
I know the others are here in spirit!!! I can handle you two! B)

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of
the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly, asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong
 
:eek: Looks like that little joke will cost you gals two points! I am sorry Shady---I must be fair.


UPDATED gender-war score:

GUYS:17

BREASTED AMERICANS:1
 
Why we would rather have a beer than a woman,



You can enjoy a beer all month long

You don't have to wine and dine a beer

Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football

When your beer goes flat, you toss it out

Beer never changes its mind

A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer

Beer is never late

Hangovers go away

Beer labels come off without a fight

Beer never has a headache

When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer

After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents

A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer

You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty

A beer always goes down easy

You can share a beer with your friends

You always know when you are the first one to pop a beer

Beer is always wet

Beer doesn't demand quality

You can have a beer in public

A frigid beer is a good beer

If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony
 
HAHAHA flametamer realllly fuuuuunnnnyyyy-----NOT!!! :lol:


Glad you like the new avatar 97

Here's another man moment for ya

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.
 
Thanks for the warning 97--So if I'm young what does that make you? :lol: ;) :)
 
Uh, my apologies for the ad at the end, I did not watch that the first time. :blink: Never thought there would be an ad like that from the site this came from. :(
 
:eek: okay so I am watching your little joke and trying to figure out why the hills have nipples? Men :rolleyes:
 
Originally posted by DeeDee@Jan 10 2004, 02:36 PM
:eek: okay so I am watching your little joke and trying to figure out why the hills have nipples? Men :rolleyes:
Thats an easy one, they were in Hooterville! ;)
 
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