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You got to love these from NASCAR.com
Jeff Gordon So he went to the F1 race two weeks ago in Spain. The race viewing went pretty well, except Tony Stewart got loose and knocked the Pepsi out of his hand.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. He said his butt was burning during the All-Star race because his fire suit was too tight. See the sacrifices our boy Junior goes through for NASCAR’s 30 million female fans?
Jimmie Johnson You don’t need Kirk Shelmerdine to tell you NASCAR is tough. Check this out: Johnson’s last four points races: 4th, 4th, 2nd, 2nd. And he’s only third in the points for the last six races.
Matt Kenseth It’s a good thing that Kenseth won $1 million. That money will go to good use repairing his teammates’ cars.
Ryan Newman He is holding a bake sale at the Penske Racing shop to raise money for charity. We heard that Jimmy Spencer got the first invitation.
Tony Stewart You can almost hear Larry McReynolds say, “DW, reach up there, pull those belts tight, because Tony Stewart’s about to crash into us!”
Bobby Labonte He is sponsored by Shrek 2 this weekend in the Coca-Cola 600. The team tried to get Fatback to help with the marketing by covering himself with green paint, but he declined.
Mark Martin His full name is Mark Anthony Martin. He used to get jokes about being the guy who eulogized Julius Caesar. Now he gets jokes about bring the guy who dates Jennifer Lopez.
Kurt Busch He apologized for all the wrecked cars. Which didn’t really help. He probably would have been better off to tell Biffle, “Dude, don’t feel bad. Your engine would have blown anyway.”
Kasey Kahne He’s higher in the Nextel Cup standings than he is in the Busch Series standings. And you thought the only thing he had in common with Dale Jr. was a red paint scheme.
Kevin Harvick In the latest FX promos for the reality show, he complains that his limo is slow. That is what he gets for hiring Kirk Shelmerdine to drive it.
Jamie McMurray He kept his car out of the wall with a brilliant save after he was hit in the Nextel Open. Now, the debate will rage on whether he could have saved the car if Kurt Busch had been the one who hit him.
Rusty Wallace The media is going berserk over the fact that Wallace’s winless streak in the All-Star race has reached 15.
Robby Gordon Kurt Busch is pretty lucky that his team owner didn’t appear to be too angry at him, although there’s no telling what Robby would have said to him had he not been in a hurry to get back to Indianapolis.
Sterling Marlin He said he’d rather run a points race during the All-Star weekend. Which means, if he going to get taken out by Kurt Busch, he’d rather get 37 points for it than 0.
Greg Biffle Man, this guy can’t buy a break. Poor guy flies up to Nazareth and DNFs. Instead of saying “done” after he eats the sandwich in the Subway commercial, he’s been saying it on Lap 81.
Elliott Sadler He’s got his charity go-kart race this week. Apparently, Darrell Waltrip and Tony Stewart will be on hand. They should just put the boxing gloves on them and charge $1,000 a head.
Jeremy Mayfield He turns 35 years old this week. Which means his hopes at becoming a Gillette Young Gun are officially over.
Michael Waltrip Ways to make Darrell Waltrip mad 1. Don’t let him drive old Aaron’s Dream Machine. 2. Your brother fails to defend your honor when Tony Stewart is in front of him at Richmond or Charlotte.
Dale Jarrett So all those stupid rumors are flying about Robert Yates retiring, which is just stupid. We can almost see the headlines now. Robert Yates retires, cites desire to spend more time with engine.
Brian Vickers He’s became the youngest Bud Pole award winner in the modern era when he took the top spot at Richmond. So young, in fact, that he couldn’t wear the Bud Pole award hat. So he gave it to Morgan Shepherd, who traded the hat for a set of scuffs.
Ward Burton He was on the The Best Damn Sports Show, Period. He agreed to be interviewed because he thought the show was The Best Bass Sports Show, Period.
Casey Mears He’s been one of the best on the 1.5-mile tracks in 2004. Even when he has to use a backup.
Ricky Rudd He landed a pretty nice fake punch to Casey Mears on Saturday night. Apparently, he pretended Casey was actually Kevin Harvick, even though Mears didn’t give him any of that yap-yap mouth.
Johnny Sauter He's completed all but 29 laps this year. So he's doing something right. And it's a good thing he didn't qualify for the All-Star Challenge. Kurt Busch could have been 3-for-3 in taking out RCR cars.
Jeff Gordon So he went to the F1 race two weeks ago in Spain. The race viewing went pretty well, except Tony Stewart got loose and knocked the Pepsi out of his hand.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. He said his butt was burning during the All-Star race because his fire suit was too tight. See the sacrifices our boy Junior goes through for NASCAR’s 30 million female fans?
Jimmie Johnson You don’t need Kirk Shelmerdine to tell you NASCAR is tough. Check this out: Johnson’s last four points races: 4th, 4th, 2nd, 2nd. And he’s only third in the points for the last six races.
Matt Kenseth It’s a good thing that Kenseth won $1 million. That money will go to good use repairing his teammates’ cars.
Ryan Newman He is holding a bake sale at the Penske Racing shop to raise money for charity. We heard that Jimmy Spencer got the first invitation.
Tony Stewart You can almost hear Larry McReynolds say, “DW, reach up there, pull those belts tight, because Tony Stewart’s about to crash into us!”
Bobby Labonte He is sponsored by Shrek 2 this weekend in the Coca-Cola 600. The team tried to get Fatback to help with the marketing by covering himself with green paint, but he declined.
Mark Martin His full name is Mark Anthony Martin. He used to get jokes about being the guy who eulogized Julius Caesar. Now he gets jokes about bring the guy who dates Jennifer Lopez.
Kurt Busch He apologized for all the wrecked cars. Which didn’t really help. He probably would have been better off to tell Biffle, “Dude, don’t feel bad. Your engine would have blown anyway.”
Kasey Kahne He’s higher in the Nextel Cup standings than he is in the Busch Series standings. And you thought the only thing he had in common with Dale Jr. was a red paint scheme.
Kevin Harvick In the latest FX promos for the reality show, he complains that his limo is slow. That is what he gets for hiring Kirk Shelmerdine to drive it.
Jamie McMurray He kept his car out of the wall with a brilliant save after he was hit in the Nextel Open. Now, the debate will rage on whether he could have saved the car if Kurt Busch had been the one who hit him.
Rusty Wallace The media is going berserk over the fact that Wallace’s winless streak in the All-Star race has reached 15.
Robby Gordon Kurt Busch is pretty lucky that his team owner didn’t appear to be too angry at him, although there’s no telling what Robby would have said to him had he not been in a hurry to get back to Indianapolis.
Sterling Marlin He said he’d rather run a points race during the All-Star weekend. Which means, if he going to get taken out by Kurt Busch, he’d rather get 37 points for it than 0.
Greg Biffle Man, this guy can’t buy a break. Poor guy flies up to Nazareth and DNFs. Instead of saying “done” after he eats the sandwich in the Subway commercial, he’s been saying it on Lap 81.
Elliott Sadler He’s got his charity go-kart race this week. Apparently, Darrell Waltrip and Tony Stewart will be on hand. They should just put the boxing gloves on them and charge $1,000 a head.
Jeremy Mayfield He turns 35 years old this week. Which means his hopes at becoming a Gillette Young Gun are officially over.
Michael Waltrip Ways to make Darrell Waltrip mad 1. Don’t let him drive old Aaron’s Dream Machine. 2. Your brother fails to defend your honor when Tony Stewart is in front of him at Richmond or Charlotte.
Dale Jarrett So all those stupid rumors are flying about Robert Yates retiring, which is just stupid. We can almost see the headlines now. Robert Yates retires, cites desire to spend more time with engine.
Brian Vickers He’s became the youngest Bud Pole award winner in the modern era when he took the top spot at Richmond. So young, in fact, that he couldn’t wear the Bud Pole award hat. So he gave it to Morgan Shepherd, who traded the hat for a set of scuffs.
Ward Burton He was on the The Best Damn Sports Show, Period. He agreed to be interviewed because he thought the show was The Best Bass Sports Show, Period.
Casey Mears He’s been one of the best on the 1.5-mile tracks in 2004. Even when he has to use a backup.
Ricky Rudd He landed a pretty nice fake punch to Casey Mears on Saturday night. Apparently, he pretended Casey was actually Kevin Harvick, even though Mears didn’t give him any of that yap-yap mouth.
Johnny Sauter He's completed all but 29 laps this year. So he's doing something right. And it's a good thing he didn't qualify for the All-Star Challenge. Kurt Busch could have been 3-for-3 in taking out RCR cars.
