T
turtle3539
Guest
Below is a partial list of terms that newbies may have a hard time
understanding as the talking heads
repeat them and nauseum throughout every race. Memorize as many as you can, and use them in place
of what Larry, Moe and Curly
are telling you. I promise that your racing experience will be a lot
more fun.
Aero: Indicator on a road course that tells Cup drivers which way to
turn
Aero Push: When a car knocks down the indicator
Air Dam: Cussing at the wind
Air pressure: Gas pains
Apron: A bib for Jimmy Spencer
Back Marker: A Sharpie for autographing body parts
Black Flag: A must in your track bag for those buggy night races
Balance: What you lose when you get tight. (See definition below)
Banking: A foreign science to most NASCAR fans, but a favorite pastime
of the France Family and Bruton Smith
Bite: What you do to your $6.00 hot dog
Boogity: Don't ask! You don't want to know
Bud Shootout: Any on-track altercation with the #8 car
Catch fence: Supposedly there to keep cars out of the grandstand, but
can't even contain hot dog wrappers
Caution: (pronounced cow-shun) an undefined animal part, similar to a
"nugget"
Chase for the Championship: Synonym for play-off
Chassis: Complimentary term for a female body
Conspiracy theory: The reason your favorite driver didn't win
Cooler: What the track is at night
Crew: A 1950's haircut
Crew chief: The barber who gives you a crew
Darby, John: Leprechaun in charge of NASCAR shenanigans
Dirty Air: Often produced by flatulence
Down force: What every driver claims to have happened when he goes
below the yellow line on a restrictor plate track
Draft: An $8.00 beer at the track
Drafting: What the bartender is doing after you order a draft
Drag: The preferred method of removing a crippled car from the track
EIRI Rule (Except In Rare Instances): NASCAR's butt-cover for every
rule they forgot to make at the beginning of the year
Fabricator: Storyteller
Firewall: Pit road after a gas spill
France, Brian: Rich kid with a new toy to break
Front Clip: Just trim the bangs
Frozen field: Acreage at the South Pole
Fuel Cell: Gasoline powered telephone
Groove: What Stella lost
HANS device: A thingamajig used for transporting silver skates
Happy Hour: The one in which you finally make it from parking lot to
highway (usually about the fourth)
Helton, Mike: Movie stand-in for Saddam Hussein
Hunter, Jim: Official fabricator of NASCAR
Infield: Talladega's answer to Mardi Gras
Inner-liner: The food you eat before you start drinking the $8.00
drafts
"It is what it is": "Shut up! It's my game and I get to make up the
rules"
Kitty litter: Debris from the Cat car
Loose: Most gals wearing beads in the Talladega infield
Marbles: What drivers lose after about three head injuries (Your
results may vary)
Neutral: Neither Feminine nor Masculine
Over Steer: Similar to bull riding
Nelson, Gary: The NASCAR version of OSHA
Pace car: The one that leads the most laps at Bristol
Pit road: That area of the track with a speed limit 20 mph slower than
the road just outside the track
Pole: Anyone whose name ends in "ski"
Pole-sitter: Any of the above who never stands during a race
Pushy-loose: An assault on one of the gals wearing beads in the Dega
infield
Quarter Panel: One fourth of a jury
Race Trim: This usually takes the form of very expensive advertising on
the hood of the car
Rear Clip: Just take a little off the back
Restrictor Plate: The metal walls at Pocono that keep the cars out of
the woods
Road Course: According to Jimmy Spencer, a great place to test bombs
Roof Flaps: Arguments atop any hauler
SAFER Barrier: A better condom
Scuffs: The slippers Richard Childress wears while "relaxing."
Set-up: What the bar at Club E always is
Silly Season: February through December
Smith, Bruton: Someone you'll never see in the same room with Boss Hogg
Spoiler: Either parent of any whining young driver
Spotter: A car leaking oil on the track
Stagger: What you do after three $8.00 drafts if you neglected your
inner-liner
Stickers: Those pesky hot dog wrappers in grills
Tars: Four round rubber things that make the car go faster.
(Alternative for New Englanders: "tyahs")
Telemetry: Executive toys
Tight: Almost ready to "stagger"
Track bar: The place where you buy the $8.00 drafts that make you tight
Under steer: Looking up at a bovine
Valance: A topper for curtains
Wedge: Fitting a 40" butt into an 18" seat in the grandstand
Whine: An excellent choice with aged cheese
Whining driver: One who considers himself above the beer scene
Wind Tunnel: Where flatulence originates
understanding as the talking heads
repeat them and nauseum throughout every race. Memorize as many as you can, and use them in place
of what Larry, Moe and Curly
are telling you. I promise that your racing experience will be a lot
more fun.
Aero: Indicator on a road course that tells Cup drivers which way to
turn
Aero Push: When a car knocks down the indicator
Air Dam: Cussing at the wind
Air pressure: Gas pains
Apron: A bib for Jimmy Spencer
Back Marker: A Sharpie for autographing body parts
Black Flag: A must in your track bag for those buggy night races
Balance: What you lose when you get tight. (See definition below)
Banking: A foreign science to most NASCAR fans, but a favorite pastime
of the France Family and Bruton Smith
Bite: What you do to your $6.00 hot dog
Boogity: Don't ask! You don't want to know
Bud Shootout: Any on-track altercation with the #8 car
Catch fence: Supposedly there to keep cars out of the grandstand, but
can't even contain hot dog wrappers
Caution: (pronounced cow-shun) an undefined animal part, similar to a
"nugget"
Chase for the Championship: Synonym for play-off
Chassis: Complimentary term for a female body
Conspiracy theory: The reason your favorite driver didn't win
Cooler: What the track is at night
Crew: A 1950's haircut
Crew chief: The barber who gives you a crew
Darby, John: Leprechaun in charge of NASCAR shenanigans
Dirty Air: Often produced by flatulence
Down force: What every driver claims to have happened when he goes
below the yellow line on a restrictor plate track
Draft: An $8.00 beer at the track
Drafting: What the bartender is doing after you order a draft
Drag: The preferred method of removing a crippled car from the track
EIRI Rule (Except In Rare Instances): NASCAR's butt-cover for every
rule they forgot to make at the beginning of the year
Fabricator: Storyteller
Firewall: Pit road after a gas spill
France, Brian: Rich kid with a new toy to break
Front Clip: Just trim the bangs
Frozen field: Acreage at the South Pole
Fuel Cell: Gasoline powered telephone
Groove: What Stella lost
HANS device: A thingamajig used for transporting silver skates
Happy Hour: The one in which you finally make it from parking lot to
highway (usually about the fourth)
Helton, Mike: Movie stand-in for Saddam Hussein
Hunter, Jim: Official fabricator of NASCAR
Infield: Talladega's answer to Mardi Gras
Inner-liner: The food you eat before you start drinking the $8.00
drafts
"It is what it is": "Shut up! It's my game and I get to make up the
rules"
Kitty litter: Debris from the Cat car
Loose: Most gals wearing beads in the Talladega infield
Marbles: What drivers lose after about three head injuries (Your
results may vary)
Neutral: Neither Feminine nor Masculine
Over Steer: Similar to bull riding
Nelson, Gary: The NASCAR version of OSHA
Pace car: The one that leads the most laps at Bristol
Pit road: That area of the track with a speed limit 20 mph slower than
the road just outside the track
Pole: Anyone whose name ends in "ski"
Pole-sitter: Any of the above who never stands during a race
Pushy-loose: An assault on one of the gals wearing beads in the Dega
infield
Quarter Panel: One fourth of a jury
Race Trim: This usually takes the form of very expensive advertising on
the hood of the car
Rear Clip: Just take a little off the back
Restrictor Plate: The metal walls at Pocono that keep the cars out of
the woods
Road Course: According to Jimmy Spencer, a great place to test bombs
Roof Flaps: Arguments atop any hauler
SAFER Barrier: A better condom
Scuffs: The slippers Richard Childress wears while "relaxing."
Set-up: What the bar at Club E always is
Silly Season: February through December
Smith, Bruton: Someone you'll never see in the same room with Boss Hogg
Spoiler: Either parent of any whining young driver
Spotter: A car leaking oil on the track
Stagger: What you do after three $8.00 drafts if you neglected your
inner-liner
Stickers: Those pesky hot dog wrappers in grills
Tars: Four round rubber things that make the car go faster.
(Alternative for New Englanders: "tyahs")
Telemetry: Executive toys
Tight: Almost ready to "stagger"
Track bar: The place where you buy the $8.00 drafts that make you tight
Under steer: Looking up at a bovine
Valance: A topper for curtains
Wedge: Fitting a 40" butt into an 18" seat in the grandstand
Whine: An excellent choice with aged cheese
Whining driver: One who considers himself above the beer scene
Wind Tunnel: Where flatulence originates
