Benevolent One
Team Owner
My lawyer ticked me off this morning, this is my attempt at a little revenge without consequences. 
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
No changes occur.
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
What's the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn't think he's an attorney.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?
Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.
What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A Doberman Pinscher.
What's the definition of mixed emotions?
Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?
Even a vulture has taste.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got first pick.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
No changes occur.
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.
What's the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn't think he's an attorney.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?
Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.
What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A Doberman Pinscher.
What's the definition of mixed emotions?
Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?
Even a vulture has taste.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got first pick.
