Someone to talk to??

R

racechic4a

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Hey all I lost my dad in August of 2004 to lung cancer, we were really close and since he has passed away my mom has been really really hateful. I know none of you knew him, but it a lot of times it helps to talk, and there are so few who seem to want to listen, I know of one person that will listen and that is my boyfriend but with racing season approaching (the first full one with out my dad) its going to be really hard on me....I don't want to go into full details here, but is there any other race fans who have been through anything close to what is going on with me??
 
Not too sure if my experience will be much of a help for you. You sound very young......by that I mean mid twenties or below. My Dad passed away about 25 years ago and I was in my thirties so I don't know if it relates to you at all. But, I'll try.

When my Dad passed my Mom sort of shut down on me too. That lasted for a couple years........left me sort of out in the cold all by myself. That's what I think you might be feeling now. I was fairly close to my Dad and I missed him too........but I also knew how my Dad would react if I dwelled on his passing. He wanted me to move on and honor him as a son. He also would have kicked my ass if I abandoned my Mom. I don't know if it was important at all to "talk" to others.......what I do know that was important is that I live up to what my Dad wanted out of me. That sustained me......that helped more than any individual could have helped. My Mom had much the same experience.........she had to do it on her own just as I did. Don't turn on your Mom...........and I can assure you she hasn't turned on you either. Keep trying with her.............she needs it as much as you do.

And I get the feeling your Dad was a NASCAR fan.........if that is so, then come on in and lets keep his memory alive with the sport he loved. And it also seems you are a fan too.......he would love for you enjoy the sport he loved. :)
 
Don't know it I can be any help or not. But I lost my Dad when I was 20. It was the first real lost that close. Mom sorta shut down for a while. I didn't understand it untill Sept or 98. I lost my wife of 21 years to liver cancer. I then found out what Mom went through. Be patient with your Mom. It could very well be she is suffering from depression. She may come out of it or may need to talk to a doctor. But be patient. :(
 
Racechick, I haven't experienced the same loss as you or your Mom have, and neither has anyone else. I am almost 62 and can only advise you to take it one moment at a time and cling to your Faith.
Your mom lost her partner in life, and you lost your dad. Time does help, but it's not easy. Give your mom time to grieve, and do the same for yourself. Please don't turn away from mom, as you are probably her strength right now even if she can't see it. Do your dad proud, keep up your dreams, and ask for help from your church, counselors, family and anyone who you feel you can trust.
 
When I lost my dad we had a stepmom. I was the child of my dad and the other children were adopted. Within a week of burying Dad she and the adopted kids asked me to leave. I was ushered out of the home my Dad built and have never been back. You can turn to church if you want to but be careful of them folks. We read every few weeks of some church people taking advantage of folks that are in distress.
If it is your REAL Mom remember she picked her lifemate and now that is lost. It will take a while for her life to get straight again. You have your whole life ahead of you. Most of which would be on your own anyway. Try to make the best of everything you can and forge ahead. You can do it! We are all gonna lose our loved ones sooner or later. You and I lost ours a little too soon. Get involved in a sport of some other demanding hobby.
Betsy
 
sorry 4 your loss, my brother and i went though the same thing when my father passed away. there were times when we did'nt see eye to eye, but the last few years we spent together where the best times of my life.

we would go hunting every fall and spend hours alone, talking about the things he had done in his life, he was a very proud man. those last few years of his life, he was my best friend, to this day i still go out where we use to hunt and it reminds me how short life is......... hope with time you will get over your loss
 
racechic, I lost my mom to cancer in 1987 --- she was 61. Lost my dad to heart failure in Dec. of 2000.

I know what you are feeling. Your head knows they are gone, but your heart won't admit it. I found myself picking up the phone to call my mom --- 2 years after her passing.

About the only thing I can say is --- one day at a time. The pain of losing a parent/grandparent/close friend never goes away -- it just gets easier to live with.

Don't be afraid to come here and talk. I can listen with the best of them. :)

(((HUGS)))
 
Hey all...sorry I didn't reply sooner. I am 18 years old. My dad was 48, and we were really close. My mom and family members are only getting harder to deal with as time goes by. I am beginning to feel like I am more ruining their lives then anything. I am at my aunt and uncles right now, I have only been here about 10 min and I feel more loved then I have since my dad died. I get to where I feel it just isn't possible to move forward anymore. My mom has a boyfriend (shes had him since last month) and she has moved in with him, that makes my dad being gone so much harder. Thank you all for your advice so far, it is helping me. My dad was a big NASCAR fan and dirt track fan, he started taking me when I was about 3. I miss him so much, and its hard because we were really close. But once again, Thank you all that have posted so far.
 
I still say...........don't give up on your Mom. She's dealing with it too.......her way. I don't know any of the particulars (and I don't want to know them either), but I do know each and everyone of us has to deal with losses in our very own and private ways. You seem to be doing okay despite your hurt.......keep it up, girl. Cling to your aunt and uncle for now.......love never hurt a soul in this world. Just don't close your heart to your Mom.....she's part of you.

You say your Dad was a NASCAR fan........jump in and enjoy the sport he loved!! That may help in some small way...........and it's the small things that get us through things like this.
 
I want to add one more thing. My Dad and I were much closer than any of my sisters.......there was a little recentment because of that. I still don't get along with my sisters. But my initial shutting down on my Mom was a mistake.....one, that was, thankfully, corrected a couple years later. Don't do what I did..........it merely prolonged the hurt.
 
My dad was a Tony Stewart fan. I remember the last race at Michigan last year, my mom gave him his bath, and put his Tony Stewart shirt on him. (At this time, his memory was completly gone he didn't know who anyone was.) We were all sitting in the living room watching the race and the showed Tony's car and my dad's exact words were "Well that is Tony Stewart" but that day even after that he didn't know who anyone was, but I will always remember that day.
 
Remembering the good times will help you get through the bad times. Your dad's spirit is alive as long as you have memories --- only the body is gone.

Don't hold back tears if some memory of your dad comes to mind. Those tears are a way to release the loss. If you hold it in, it will eat at you from the inside.
 
I cry often. I am trying to get out of my mom's house again because my nerves just can't take being there any more. My brother and his girlfriend are driving me insane....almost literally at times I think. I am trying to find a job but noone is supporting me with that decision at all.
 
Sorry to hear of your loss.

You have to do what's right for you! Best of luck to you in your job search.
 
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