Telemarketer Fun

M

mis-fit

Guest
Most of us get tired of telemarketers at some point so here are some clever ideas to get them off the phone.

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
 
These are pretty funny. But usually when they call, I ask them if they can hold on. When they say yes, I just set the phone down and go back about whatever I was doing. I then check every so often to see if they got the hint. I haven't gotten nearly as many phone calls since I started doing that.
 
I always ask what they are wearing and if they will talk to me in a sexy voice. My wife thinks I carry it too far sometimes. I tell her, I could pay $3.95 a min for this. They usually hang up right away but if they stay on for any length of time, I start breathing hard and groaning. It's fun as heck. It's pretty bad when the phone rings and I'm dissappointed that it's not a telemarketer.
 
Originally posted by mis-fit
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.QUOTE]

That's my favorite. We usually just hang up. Its fun.
Click to expand...
 
The last time they called here, they tried to get me to buy something from them... so after they finished with their part, I tried to sell them a lawnmower! I was like "nah, i'm not interested.. but would you like to buy a John Deere?" She said, "No sir, thats not the topic of this conversation." Then I told em, "All the blades work, and it cuts very good" She said no and I told her to pass it on to their buddies...
 
4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

I tried that one yesterday.. and they haven't called back since.. haha!! It was pretty kickass!
 
A few more great ideas;

Make up your own language and speak it (Sometimes they will even get someone who speak another language to talk to you and then it is fun to just speak English again and pretend that is what you were speaking the whole time. Screw with their mind)

Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.

Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "

Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"

Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"

Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.

Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.

Make him/her sing to get a sale

Act drunk.

Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone down to hang up.
 
Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"

I always answer it and say, "City Morgue... you kill it, we chill it.."
 
A friend sent me a e-mail of thing to do with junk mail. I can't remember all of them....
Send the "extra stuff" that comes with your gas,phone or whatever bill back to them with the check.

If you get junk mail and it has a prepaid envolope send it back just like it came to you. (don't fill anything out)

I know there were more I just can't remember.
 
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