I will never forget the coolest practical joke I ever played on a buddy of mine at Camp Shelby Mississippi several years ago. I was winding up my tour in the Army and was riding out my last two weeks in Hattiesburg along with several of the other guys in my outfit.
This friend of mine was a big guy from Oklahoma and several of the guys really didnt like him. He was grating but turned out to be a pretty good sport.
Anyhow, one friday night we had all been drinking and went to the on-base theatre to watch "Breathless" with Richard Geer in it and had a two mile walk back to the barracks when the show was over. Along the way back, my buddy---who's name was Threllkeld---had been griping about how gay Richard Geer was, what a flaming homosexual he was. We all got tired of his ranting by the time we were back to the barracks.
Once there , I begin to brainstorm though and came up with what is quite possibly the coolest gag since fart-lighting was in vougue.
After a few minutes I had formulated the plan against old Richard "Queer" hater....all it would take was my other buddy DeVano's help and a single winnie. As in Oscar Meyer Weiner, that is.
Simple enough to "requisition" from the mess hall if one had the courage...and in those days, I did. One winnie, coming up.
After the single food item was taken all that was left was for the half drunk Okie to fall asleep which he did in short order. Then I filled DeVano in on the plan.
The bunks in the barracks were in a long line with space to walk between them. I had Dev position himself on the right hand side of Threllkelds bunk and
I took the left while he snored away...
Devano knew his role and I tossed him the winnie.
A simple matter to lean over and rub it ever so slightly against old buddy's lips....yep. Rub the wiener over the guys mouth, like you would a feather or something.
It took a minute or so before Threllkeld actually moved any and then he just sorta snorted. I motioned for Dev to try again...
This time it worked and the Okie's eyes opened after he realized with shock something was rubbing across his lips!
While in the meantime, I was standing on the side he was facing when he first opened his eyes and pretending to button up my BDU pants!!! In other words , the first thing he saw was me standing near him doing this.
Now, all the Oklahoma natives I have ever known have been less than rocket-science quick , but this one figured pretty quickly that something was not as it should be---the remembrance of the hot dog winnie across his lips had to still be pretty fresh in his sleepy mind. As did the sight of me fumbling with my pants...
Anyhow, long story short. Devano dropped the winnie and ran and I commenced to get the hell out of there pretty quickly myself.
The whole time I was running I was attempting to explain. Those Okies can be a mean bunch, no doubt about it. It was two years before the guy ever spoke to me again, but to my knowlegde he never watched another Richard Geer movie!
