This is an actual post from racer Mike Murillo. He sometimes moonlights as a comedian...with his true stories.
There is no way sh!t like this happens to only me y’all.. y’all just don’t share it! Well add this to your collection of MM hits
.. So... Since I’m 50 years old now Lisa schedules me for a colonoscopy tomorrow @ 9:30am. We are at track all day today with William Jr. Dragstering. While there mind you .. She gives me this drank that smells good but tastes like vomit covered in pretzel saltand tells me I have to take 2 doses 1 today and 1 tonite to clean my foondio out in preparation for tomorrow’s procedure. No biggie... right? I’ll just have to poop several times but hey that’s not that abnormal for me. So I down the first dose around 2.00pm today. All is well until around 4:00pm when it feels like I have a 6 pack of midgets wrastling in my bowels. I told Lisa, David, Jacquelyn and Harry Hewitt.. “help me load the trailer for the love of god I gotta make it home!”
We take off for the 20 min drive home. Lisa is riding next to me in her truck laughing at my faces of torment because I’m seriously thinking I’m not gonna make it. My contractions are coming at closer and closer and more painful intervals the closer I’m getting to the house. Lisa has passed me and is 2 cars in front of me as we exit our main road Judson. FUDGE!!! There is traffic and my butthole is quivering like a dam about to break when BAM the a**hole in front of me slams into the back of Lisa and William while they are waiting to turn!! OMG!! Lisa gets out of her truck and is motioning to the guy 
WTF?!?! Folks I am gonna **** my everloving britches right now!! With truck and stacker I throw it in reverse and I back the hell up and go around the whole mess yelling out the window to Lisa... “I’m sorry babe but I’m gonna **** my pants!! I’ll be no good for y’all!!”
I roll around them and am rolling down Judson at about 80mph.. I cut traffic off pulling into the neighborhood with contractions 30-45 seconds apart and each one more painful then the last .. OMG.. my daughter is parked in the only spot my truck and trailer will fit so I leave my truck and trailer parked halfway in the road.. I rapidly wobble to the front door with keys in hand. Get door open and haul ass to the restroom. In 1 fluid motion all at 1 time I throw the door open, lift toilet seat up, drop my britches and.....miss the target by about .20 seconds and 3-5inches .. not to gross y’all out but it looked like a crime scene from First48. Even on my shoes. Momma is still not home still waiting on cops but I just can’t risk it by going back. I’m still on toilet typing this. I’m sorry babe.. I knew this was a bad idea!
There is no way sh!t like this happens to only me y’all.. y’all just don’t share it! Well add this to your collection of MM hits
.. So... Since I’m 50 years old now Lisa schedules me for a colonoscopy tomorrow @ 9:30am. We are at track all day today with William Jr. Dragstering. While there mind you .. She gives me this drank that smells good but tastes like vomit covered in pretzel saltand tells me I have to take 2 doses 1 today and 1 tonite to clean my foondio out in preparation for tomorrow’s procedure. No biggie... right? I’ll just have to poop several times but hey that’s not that abnormal for me. So I down the first dose around 2.00pm today. All is well until around 4:00pm when it feels like I have a 6 pack of midgets wrastling in my bowels. I told Lisa, David, Jacquelyn and Harry Hewitt.. “help me load the trailer for the love of god I gotta make it home!” We take off for the 20 min drive home. Lisa is riding next to me in her truck laughing at my faces of torment because I’m seriously thinking I’m not gonna make it. My contractions are coming at closer and closer and more painful intervals the closer I’m getting to the house. Lisa has passed me and is 2 cars in front of me as we exit our main road Judson. FUDGE!!! There is traffic and my butthole is quivering like a dam about to break when BAM the a**hole in front of me slams into the back of Lisa and William while they are waiting to turn!! OMG!! Lisa gets out of her truck and is motioning to the guy
WTF?!?! Folks I am gonna **** my everloving britches right now!! With truck and stacker I throw it in reverse and I back the hell up and go around the whole mess yelling out the window to Lisa... “I’m sorry babe but I’m gonna **** my pants!! I’ll be no good for y’all!!” I roll around them and am rolling down Judson at about 80mph.. I cut traffic off pulling into the neighborhood with contractions 30-45 seconds apart and each one more painful then the last .. OMG.. my daughter is parked in the only spot my truck and trailer will fit so I leave my truck and trailer parked halfway in the road.. I rapidly wobble to the front door with keys in hand. Get door open and haul ass to the restroom. In 1 fluid motion all at 1 time I throw the door open, lift toilet seat up, drop my britches and.....miss the target by about .20 seconds and 3-5inches .. not to gross y’all out but it looked like a crime scene from First48. Even on my shoes. Momma is still not home still waiting on cops but I just can’t risk it by going back. I’m still on toilet typing this. I’m sorry babe.. I knew this was a bad idea!
hell of a story and totally relatable. I've had several,