The Pet Store Parrot

Magnethead

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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's really not so bad."
When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband 'Keith' came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
"Hi, Keith!"
 
Another Bird Joke -The Swearing Parrot

There was a man that received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

The man tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, he put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming, and then, suddenly, there was quiet.

The man was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said:"I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour.

"The man was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him ... when the parrot continued:"May I ask what the chicken did wrong?"
 
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