THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2004

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1. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

5. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

6. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

7. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

8. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

9. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

10. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

11. War Dims Hope for Peace

12. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

13. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

14. Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

15. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

16. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

17. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

18. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

19. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

20. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

21. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

22. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

And last:
23. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
 
"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"

Man those union guys don't wanna do nothin' you want 'em to do.
 
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