Tiger Woods jokes

[Benevolent One]

I've been looking for some good Tiger Woods. Most of the jokes I've found haven't been very good. Here's a few I thought were pretty funny. Please post any good ones you have.


The police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She says, “I don’t know. Just put me down for 5″.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 "hoes".

Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.

Tiger Woods drove an Escalade into a tree. Pro golfers generally treat caddies better than that.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

 

[muggle not]

TIGER WOODS HOLIDAY POEM​

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.

She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,

Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.

He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.

Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,

With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.

From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.

Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',

Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,

"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."

She’s not pouting; in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

Her pre-nup made Christmas come early this year.

 

[Ward Burton]

That's pretty good.

 

[nascarwoman]