Two Irish nuns

[Joniki]

Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your ****, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculate, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross."

So Sister Immaculate rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Immaculate looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"

 

[Racer1930]

Continuing along the same lines :

Father Michael was walking along the river by his home Parrish when he noticed a young teenager of his flock reeling in a very nice fish. As the boy brought it to the bank Father Mike said "Bravo"! The young boy (not knowing the man behind him was Father Mike) turned around and yelled "look at this big son of a b!tch!"

Father Mike was taken aback until the boy (haltingly) told him that the fish he had caught was actually called a "son-of-a-b!tch" fish, and that it was good eating and he would give it to the church (possibly to avoid trouble).

Father Mike said thank you son and took the fish back to the Parrish. When he got there he met his Apprentice and the Mother Superior and exclaimed "Look at this big son-of-a-b!tch our young man caught"!. They both were aghast but he explained that the name of the fish was a "son-of-a-b!tch" fish...and then they understood.

Soon after, word came from the town that the Pope was coming through the area and had picked their Parrish to visit and to dine with them. "How will we feed the Pope?" said the Mother Superior..."He is used to the finest of fare". "We will feed him with this fine fish from our own river" said the Father..."you clean it and you cook it...God has provided".

Later (after a walk around) they settled to dinner and the youngest Nun served the fish to the Pope, the Father, the young Apprentice, and the Mother Superior. The Pope was impressed at the freshness and asked what monger they bought the fish from?

"We didn't buy the son-of-a-b!tch" proclaimed the Father, it was given to us. His Apprentice chimed in "Yes your Excellency, and I cleaned the son-of-a-b!tch". Not to be left out the Mother Superior said "Begging your pardon - but I cooked the son-of-a-b!tch".

The Pope narrowed his eyes a bit and he told the young serving Nun to leave the room and shut the door. The local Father was concerned about not explaining and was about to say something - when the Pope broke out in a big smile and said...

"You ****ers are OK...let's have some Wine!"

 

[StandOnIt]

Young blond girl started her first job as a clerk in a hardware store. She was doing well until a man came in and asked for a file. she asked him "what kind of file would you like sir?". He said, "I would like a flat bastard". After he left, she went up to her boss and said she was a little put off about the language used by the last customer and told her boss what had happened. He laughed and told her that was a type of file a bastard file. A few days later a man came in and asked for a file. Her face lit up with her new knowledge as she took him back to the files and asked "sir, would you like a flat bastard?". He said "no, just give me one of those round son of a bitches"