T
TonyB
Guest
A good friend of mine did this a couple of years ago and after discussing it with her and deciding that only the criminally insane would attempt such a task, I decided to give it a shot. I put my nose to the grindstone and got right on it.
If you will lend me you ear in the end you may decide that it’s the cat’s meow, much ado about nothing, or not worth a hill of beans. Well enough beating around the bush. Gentle readers, here it is, for what it’s worth.
The men and their machines started the season when by the luck of the draw Mayfield was on the pole for the Budweiser Shootout. It didn’t last long as Gordon went by him like a bat out of hell to take the lead before the first circuit was completed. Gordon couldn’t stand the prosperity, that or he wanted to share the wealth as seven other drivers took their share of the lead in 70 short laps.
The boys all settled in for the push to the finish. No one saw it coming, but Dave Blaney was in the thick of things when he mixed it up with Mayfield with 11 laps to go and suffered the unkindest cut of all.Of course Junior came along for the ride, but he made no friends along the way and was left to go it alone.
Some were saying that Dale Jarrett was getting long in the tooth, that he simply couldn’t cut it any more. The old codger was out to prove them all wrong and went on to grab the bull by the horns and stick a new feather in his cap.
With the fun and games over, it was time for some serious work as the boys got down to the business of determining the front row for the Daytona 500. Lepage got things started but only stayed out front for a short while as the M&M’s boys charged to the front and snatched the golden prize away from the #4. Sadler was sitting on pins and needles as he waitied for the other shoe to drop. It finally happened when Greg Biffle shocked us all by being as quick as a wink and sitting atop the world… at least for a little while.
With the preliminary events out of the way, the teams took a day off for some serious recreation on Monday while they were pointing to the important activities to come on Thursday.
Now everyone knows that the real McCoy when it comes to grabbing a spot in the big show happens on Thursday in the Twin 125s. In Race #1 is was like father, like son, as Dale Earnhardt Jr grabbed spot #3 for the big enchilada. The old coot who won the race on Saturday was virtually speechless as he struggled mightily and finished 17th. The golden boy, Jeff Gordon was simply aghast as he had to take advantage of charity for the second time is career (heck it is virtually getting to be a habit.)
In Race #2, Elliott Sadler had it riding on a rail and simply pulled away from the field to set himself up as a favorite to win when the big show finally started on Sunday.
Biffle’s day in the sun was over in a flash as his engine couldn’t stand the heat and had to be changed sending him to the back of the field. As fate would have it, Junior had the pole fall in his lap.
Sunday dawned as the real big cheese (that would be the el presidente) decided to pay the huddle masses a visit and utter the most famous words in motorsports (and no it isn’t “the other guys have an unfair advantage”.) In the early going we learned that Martin and Burton’s engines weren’t worth a hill of beans. Was it going to be back to square one for the new Jack Bob engines?
With the pack running closer than a dog to his fur, the inevitable couldn’t be avoided for long. A little big one sent 4 cars to the showers early. Soon thereafter, the really big one showed up and a bunch of cars were blown to smithereens and several more weren’t worth a plug nickel afterwards.
Michael Waltrip went for a really wild ride and then had a bone to pick with the rescue workers who simply wouldn’t listen when Mikey told them to roll the car over. In the end they did it Mikey’s way and all walked away safe and sound.
The outcome was as predictable as sunset and Junior stalked away from Daytona the King of the Hill.
The boys with the expensive toys moved on to “The Rock” for the next Battle Royale. Ryan Newman picked off where he left off last year grabbing the pole. It seemed that everyone else was simply fighting for second place.
Joe Ruttman drew the ire of almost every one. They said he simply wasn’t trying at all. Was his pit crew absent without leave or simply never invited to the dance? And what about these other guys? They are slower than a three-legged snail. Surely they don’t belong in the big leagues.
Carl Long’s car looked like it was beaten by an ugly stick and their wasn’t enough of it left to carry home in a coke bottle after he flipped and rolled it all over the track.
Early on Ken Schrader and Kyle Petty tried to tear down the wall with their cars. Later while trying to pit, Kevin Harvick simply couldn’t make up his mind and went back out on the track just a little to late. Kevin had NASCAR all over him like ugly on an ape.
In the end it was one for the ages as a wet behind the ears kid battle the current cream of the crop to the finish line and lost it by and eyelash.
Week 3 of the young season and already the circuit is taking a break. What is up with that? NASCAR said to blame the calendar; it simply wasn’t their fault.
After the rest and recuperation was over the series headed to Sin City for a duel in the desert. In a sign on the times, Kahne continued to show that he was a quick study (and a force to be reckoned with) grabbing the pole.
Junior was as slow as molasses in January all weekend. The #8 eight crew missed it by a mile. NASCAR come over the radio and told ‘em to get the lead out. After the race junior said they would pull out all the stops to get to the bottom of the problems.
Mikey’s awful season continued to go to hell in a basket. Harvick’s chances to win were gone with the wind when the team failed to add 2 plus 2 and get 4 as the #29 ran out of go juice with 5 to go.
Matt Kenseth pulled away from Kasey Kahne for the win. Kenseth praised his off-season critics for motivating him proving once again that it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.
For race #4 in was on to Atlanta where NASCAR told Cope that RedNeckJunk.com simply didn’t cut it. Once again running like greased lightning Ryan Newman grabbed the pole.
Poor Bobby Labonte. This used to be his playground, but they simply couldn’t get a handle on it.
For the #8 crew this was the moment of truth and the rose to the occasion and grasped victory from the jaws of defeat.
For race #5 it was back home again to Darlington. Kasey Kahne is really taking the circuit by storm winning the pole at the Lady in Black.
Michael Waltrip can certainly attest to the fact that when it rains it pours. Morgan Shepherd grabbed a brief moment in the spotlight but could it be his swan song? As the race developed we learned that Tony Stewart certainly doesn’t have the patience of Job and that may be his Achilles Hill.
Matt Kenseth pitted too soon and then wanted to have his cake and eat it too. NASCAR said hold your horses and the #17 bunch was mad as a wet hen. So much for the best-laid schemes of mice and men.
Bobby Labonte took his Atlanta disaster to heart and turned it all around at Darlington. But it was the #48 crew that signed, sealed, and delivered the victory to Jimmie Johnson.
For Race #6 Ryan Newman proved his was a man amongst men when it comes to this qualifying stuff. For him it is child’s play to hog the limelight. In the land of bad blood, Kahne and Jamie McMurray tangled and Kahne was shaking like a leaf on his tree and said the McMurray would get his just deserts.
Junior said he spun himself out on purpose. He thought he was too clever by half but he really had foot-in-mouth disease. Those will a jaundiced eye said NASCAR would never throw the book at Junior. In the end was in the doghouse and there was hell to pay.
Busch said he simply missed the mark when he decided not to pit, but he made a virtue of necessity and came out smelling like a rose.
After all was said and done, McMurray spun Kenseth and said it was in the heat of battle. But Jamie didn’t get off scot-free as he was called on the carpet and told to mind his Ps and Qs for the rest of the year.
One more race before the well deserved break and Bobby Labonte let it all and hang and it was de ja vu all over again when it came to the pole at Texas.
The track in Texas said they had ‘em packed in like sardines but the boys in the press called their bluff and they had to admit there was just a little elbowroom to be found.
The racing for most of the day was simply not my cup of tea. It only got interesting when the young Mr. Kahne suffered the sling and arrows of cruel fortune getting caught having pitted just before the yellow flew. “What is with all the caution laps?” asked Kasey. “It is simply not cricket.” He was told to quit crying over spilled milk and be careful not to bite the hand that feds you or you may fall from grace.
Elliott Sadler was in the lead but he was keeping an eye peeled for Kahne who was driving like a man possessed. In the end it was a red letter day for Mr. Sadler as Mr. Kahne had another one slip through his fingers.
And now we look forward to rest of the season. Whose championship hopes will prove to simply be fool’s gold? When all is said and done who will be living in land of milk and honey?
I look in my clouded crystal ball, lo and behold, it’s a plain as the nose on your face, mark my words, you can bet your bottom dollar that I don’t have a clue.
And you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.
If you will lend me you ear in the end you may decide that it’s the cat’s meow, much ado about nothing, or not worth a hill of beans. Well enough beating around the bush. Gentle readers, here it is, for what it’s worth.
The men and their machines started the season when by the luck of the draw Mayfield was on the pole for the Budweiser Shootout. It didn’t last long as Gordon went by him like a bat out of hell to take the lead before the first circuit was completed. Gordon couldn’t stand the prosperity, that or he wanted to share the wealth as seven other drivers took their share of the lead in 70 short laps.
The boys all settled in for the push to the finish. No one saw it coming, but Dave Blaney was in the thick of things when he mixed it up with Mayfield with 11 laps to go and suffered the unkindest cut of all.Of course Junior came along for the ride, but he made no friends along the way and was left to go it alone.
Some were saying that Dale Jarrett was getting long in the tooth, that he simply couldn’t cut it any more. The old codger was out to prove them all wrong and went on to grab the bull by the horns and stick a new feather in his cap.
With the fun and games over, it was time for some serious work as the boys got down to the business of determining the front row for the Daytona 500. Lepage got things started but only stayed out front for a short while as the M&M’s boys charged to the front and snatched the golden prize away from the #4. Sadler was sitting on pins and needles as he waitied for the other shoe to drop. It finally happened when Greg Biffle shocked us all by being as quick as a wink and sitting atop the world… at least for a little while.
With the preliminary events out of the way, the teams took a day off for some serious recreation on Monday while they were pointing to the important activities to come on Thursday.
Now everyone knows that the real McCoy when it comes to grabbing a spot in the big show happens on Thursday in the Twin 125s. In Race #1 is was like father, like son, as Dale Earnhardt Jr grabbed spot #3 for the big enchilada. The old coot who won the race on Saturday was virtually speechless as he struggled mightily and finished 17th. The golden boy, Jeff Gordon was simply aghast as he had to take advantage of charity for the second time is career (heck it is virtually getting to be a habit.)
In Race #2, Elliott Sadler had it riding on a rail and simply pulled away from the field to set himself up as a favorite to win when the big show finally started on Sunday.
Biffle’s day in the sun was over in a flash as his engine couldn’t stand the heat and had to be changed sending him to the back of the field. As fate would have it, Junior had the pole fall in his lap.
Sunday dawned as the real big cheese (that would be the el presidente) decided to pay the huddle masses a visit and utter the most famous words in motorsports (and no it isn’t “the other guys have an unfair advantage”.) In the early going we learned that Martin and Burton’s engines weren’t worth a hill of beans. Was it going to be back to square one for the new Jack Bob engines?
With the pack running closer than a dog to his fur, the inevitable couldn’t be avoided for long. A little big one sent 4 cars to the showers early. Soon thereafter, the really big one showed up and a bunch of cars were blown to smithereens and several more weren’t worth a plug nickel afterwards.
Michael Waltrip went for a really wild ride and then had a bone to pick with the rescue workers who simply wouldn’t listen when Mikey told them to roll the car over. In the end they did it Mikey’s way and all walked away safe and sound.
The outcome was as predictable as sunset and Junior stalked away from Daytona the King of the Hill.
The boys with the expensive toys moved on to “The Rock” for the next Battle Royale. Ryan Newman picked off where he left off last year grabbing the pole. It seemed that everyone else was simply fighting for second place.
Joe Ruttman drew the ire of almost every one. They said he simply wasn’t trying at all. Was his pit crew absent without leave or simply never invited to the dance? And what about these other guys? They are slower than a three-legged snail. Surely they don’t belong in the big leagues.
Carl Long’s car looked like it was beaten by an ugly stick and their wasn’t enough of it left to carry home in a coke bottle after he flipped and rolled it all over the track.
Early on Ken Schrader and Kyle Petty tried to tear down the wall with their cars. Later while trying to pit, Kevin Harvick simply couldn’t make up his mind and went back out on the track just a little to late. Kevin had NASCAR all over him like ugly on an ape.
In the end it was one for the ages as a wet behind the ears kid battle the current cream of the crop to the finish line and lost it by and eyelash.
Week 3 of the young season and already the circuit is taking a break. What is up with that? NASCAR said to blame the calendar; it simply wasn’t their fault.
After the rest and recuperation was over the series headed to Sin City for a duel in the desert. In a sign on the times, Kahne continued to show that he was a quick study (and a force to be reckoned with) grabbing the pole.
Junior was as slow as molasses in January all weekend. The #8 eight crew missed it by a mile. NASCAR come over the radio and told ‘em to get the lead out. After the race junior said they would pull out all the stops to get to the bottom of the problems.
Mikey’s awful season continued to go to hell in a basket. Harvick’s chances to win were gone with the wind when the team failed to add 2 plus 2 and get 4 as the #29 ran out of go juice with 5 to go.
Matt Kenseth pulled away from Kasey Kahne for the win. Kenseth praised his off-season critics for motivating him proving once again that it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.
For race #4 in was on to Atlanta where NASCAR told Cope that RedNeckJunk.com simply didn’t cut it. Once again running like greased lightning Ryan Newman grabbed the pole.
Poor Bobby Labonte. This used to be his playground, but they simply couldn’t get a handle on it.
For the #8 crew this was the moment of truth and the rose to the occasion and grasped victory from the jaws of defeat.
For race #5 it was back home again to Darlington. Kasey Kahne is really taking the circuit by storm winning the pole at the Lady in Black.
Michael Waltrip can certainly attest to the fact that when it rains it pours. Morgan Shepherd grabbed a brief moment in the spotlight but could it be his swan song? As the race developed we learned that Tony Stewart certainly doesn’t have the patience of Job and that may be his Achilles Hill.
Matt Kenseth pitted too soon and then wanted to have his cake and eat it too. NASCAR said hold your horses and the #17 bunch was mad as a wet hen. So much for the best-laid schemes of mice and men.
Bobby Labonte took his Atlanta disaster to heart and turned it all around at Darlington. But it was the #48 crew that signed, sealed, and delivered the victory to Jimmie Johnson.
For Race #6 Ryan Newman proved his was a man amongst men when it comes to this qualifying stuff. For him it is child’s play to hog the limelight. In the land of bad blood, Kahne and Jamie McMurray tangled and Kahne was shaking like a leaf on his tree and said the McMurray would get his just deserts.
Junior said he spun himself out on purpose. He thought he was too clever by half but he really had foot-in-mouth disease. Those will a jaundiced eye said NASCAR would never throw the book at Junior. In the end was in the doghouse and there was hell to pay.
Busch said he simply missed the mark when he decided not to pit, but he made a virtue of necessity and came out smelling like a rose.
After all was said and done, McMurray spun Kenseth and said it was in the heat of battle. But Jamie didn’t get off scot-free as he was called on the carpet and told to mind his Ps and Qs for the rest of the year.
One more race before the well deserved break and Bobby Labonte let it all and hang and it was de ja vu all over again when it came to the pole at Texas.
The track in Texas said they had ‘em packed in like sardines but the boys in the press called their bluff and they had to admit there was just a little elbowroom to be found.
The racing for most of the day was simply not my cup of tea. It only got interesting when the young Mr. Kahne suffered the sling and arrows of cruel fortune getting caught having pitted just before the yellow flew. “What is with all the caution laps?” asked Kasey. “It is simply not cricket.” He was told to quit crying over spilled milk and be careful not to bite the hand that feds you or you may fall from grace.
Elliott Sadler was in the lead but he was keeping an eye peeled for Kahne who was driving like a man possessed. In the end it was a red letter day for Mr. Sadler as Mr. Kahne had another one slip through his fingers.
And now we look forward to rest of the season. Whose championship hopes will prove to simply be fool’s gold? When all is said and done who will be living in land of milk and honey?
I look in my clouded crystal ball, lo and behold, it’s a plain as the nose on your face, mark my words, you can bet your bottom dollar that I don’t have a clue.
And you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.
