Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.
Recently, a female Sheriff's Deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22
year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle
of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA)
courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior,
public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that
he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session
when he decided to stop.
'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no
one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,'
he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of
the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his
purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.
'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an
approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy
Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for
sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just
humping away at this pumpkin.'
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence ... 'I said excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're
having sex with a pumpkin?’
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? **** ... Is it
The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence
was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10.00 and sent on
The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best
comeback line ever.”