So it seems I've been reminded to post my feelings and concerns here, which is good, because after the first day of classes, I completely forgot.
So...without any further ado...here goes...
Being only 24 years old, many would question not only my authority on the subject, but also my experience in matters. I, however, have an old heart which has been accused of loving and caring too much. Though being a man does not have its limits in love. They say that you learn only through experience, yet I feel that is a strong oversight on the perceptiveness of children and their ability to learn from the good and bad examples from others. For instance, when I see a friend hit by a car when crossing the street, I learn, through his experience, to look both ways.
Growing up in an environment consisting of home, friends' houses, my Dad's Gas Station, and Sears Point (for drag races, every weekend in season), I was privy to a broad spectrum of male behavior. I was able to encounter many different examples from many different walks of life.
-My Dad's other "son", who adopted my Dad when he allowed him to work open to close at the station seven days a week while in jail for multiple DUI charges. Upon completing his time, he completely turned his life around and we even won a trophy at the drag races together (I as the co pilot at 6, still my only trophy from racing)
- My dad's business partner (and my little league coach) who spent too much time drinking at his shop after hours and not enough time at home with his kids.
-My friend's Dad who held back his money from his wife and consistently made them live with "good enough" instead of sharing his money.
-Abusive Uncles who used mind games to control my Aunts for years.
-A fussy Grandfather who had to have things done for him, but only his way...
These examples, while all negative, allowed me to see the mistakes and misadventures of others on their path to or away from becoming a "man". In this sense, my Dad's friend was able to show me the dangers of abusing alcohol and the results of such behavior. The imminent divorces of my friend's parents and my aunts with their husbands showed me the give and take aspect of marriage and the importance of treating others with respect. My Grandfather's death and the anger of his children toward him that was left unresolved taught me the importance of confronting problems when they come up and leaving nothing unresolved.
I was able to take their negative experiences and learn positive lessons. At the same time, I had a lot of positive influences, such as Mom and Dad, friends' parents, Uncles and other friends who showed me through their actions what it meant to be a "man".
Most importantly, I think even qualifying yourself as a "man" is something left to be determined by anatomy. Being a "human" is what we're really talking about here...being able to properly mix your youthful self with your adult self is the happy medium you must find to truly reach your potential as a human. Finding a way to be a responsible, loving, caring, supportive person who can remain happy, youthful and never losing sight of those things that are most important in life is the challenge of being a "man" or "human". But what are these things?
Responsibility? I believe responsiblity is simply doing that what is expected of you by your superiors and those who depend on you. Doing the things it takes to get along in life, not just what will get "you" along, but helping to promote the well being of others, especially those who depend on you...children, friends, pets, grandparents, parents...
Loving? To love is to live and to live is to love...loving consists of remaining free of anger in the face of bad times. Remembering that (because I don't have kids) when the dog goes pee on the floor that he was probably trying to get my attention and I didn't see him, and besides, he's a little older and sometimes he forgets...instead of yelling or getting upset, simply reminding him of where the potty is, cleaning it up and going on through the day like nothing happened.
Caring? This goes along with loving...best demonstrated when someone you love (and this is an all encompassing love, not a romantic love) is having a bad day (or week) and you listen to them cry about it, talk it out and help them figure out a better way to look at things...not because you feel an obligation, but because you love them and know they would do the same for you in a heartbeat.
Supportive? Being supportive means you give someone your full backing in any endeavor they choose to pursue...even if you think it's the worst idea on earth...swallow your opinions and just help them achieve their goals. This can range from getting a GED to a PhD or just backing up the kid in the sandbox who thinks he can dig a hole to China.
Happy? Maintaining a smile in the face of disappointment, a lost game...a missed opportunity...just trying to stand tall as the example of self satisfaction when adversity surrounds, whether to be supportive of a friend or simply to keep your own spirits up. If nothing else, reminding everyone, through your actions, that everything is okay.
Youthful? You don't have to be young to be youthful...retaining the spirit of youth, the fascination with things you don't understand, the willingness to try new things (food, movies, whatever). Laughing until your sides hurt, making others laugh, never being ashamed to ask questions about things you don't understand.
Never losing sight of those things that are most important in life? Family, friends, spirituality...all of these things serve to enrich our life as much as we enrich them with our participation in them. To forget this is a high offense, yet keeping these in mind and never forgetting to remind those most important to you just how important they are is one of the greatest things of all.
Of course, many of these things involve relationships with other people and things...how are we defined but by our interaction with others? On a more personal level, never being ashamed of your feelings and emotions and realizing that the way you express these things in your life provide other people with a clear example of who you are.
While this may sound like a lot of metaphysical hooey, and many of you will say this reflects my youth, I really feel that I've taken more from these lessons I've learned than many of my colleagues of age. I don't have the wisdom of a long life or the wisdom of raising children...heck, even still being in school prevents me from the wisdom of a career, but I think (and realizing all many of know of me is what I post on here about NASCAR, I don't expect you to believe me) I've managed to etch out a pretty good 24 years of experience in life. Does this make me a "man"? I don't know, I'd love to think I'm a great example of human, yet I know we all have our shortcomings. Seeing that "man"hood is judged by others, perhaps MaBelleMangrum (shhh...she's my girlfriend) can give you a better answer to that one.
