G
Gordon Fan
Guest
“BLT Man of Alcatraz”
Making a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich is not to difficult, if you’re on the “outside”. Being a prisoner in one of the world’s toughest correctional institutions combined with the lack of the barest essentials, makes this sandwich a prison favorite among the meanest bastards that ever roamed the planet.
For optimum results it is recommended that you have a single cell located on the top tier, preferably with a window or a vent to the outside. If you share a cell with another “innocent” soul, just double the recipe and he will become “indebted” to you for the duration of your sentence. (wink).
The ingredients are as simple as they appear. The “art” of making this sandwich lies in the acquisition of said ingredients without getting caught by anyone. Punishment for these infractions cannot be printed in this book, but we can say that your “manhood” may be in jeopardy.
Ingredients:
2 slices of bread (preferably made the same year)
6 slices of bacon (spam can be substituted only if there are no rats available)
1 large tomato (prison yard privileges required)
1 handful of lettuce (no substitute, you have the time)
Utensils required:
1 shiv (every prisoner has one)
1 candle and 1 match (easily obtained from a Jewish prisoner for not killing him)
1 flat metal object (be creative)
2 contacts (one with kitchen duty and one with library privileges)
4 packs of cigarettes or gum (for payola, no favors go unrewarded)
Preparation:
Get a good nights rest the night before, because you must be on your toes at all times through every phase of this operation. The mornings first bell brings us roll call with you being fully dressed and standing in front of your cell. You must be wearing an extra pair of skivvies to help conceal the contraband without tainting them with bodily fluids and have 2 packs of smokes or gum for the first payoff. Place yourself strategically between two of the biggest bastards in the breakfast line so that the screws won’t notice your transaction with the food slinger. Place both packs of smokes on your tray, covering them with your hand. When you arrive in front of the toast man it is time to make your move quickly. Show him both packs of smokes and make your request softly for 2 slices of non-toasted bread on your tray and six slices of raw bacon to be given to the library cart man after lunch. This is a crucial time, do not stutter and do not make a scene or slow up the line. Immediately place the bread in between your two sets of underwear, eat fast and head back to your cell by faking a mild stomach ache. Don’t go for the Oscar here, because you will be sent to the infirmary and you will be busted. When the screw arrives at your cell to check on you, tell him that you feel much better and would like to go out in the yard for some fresh air, but you will require a hat to protect you from the sun. This is crucial for you to pull this off so that you have a place to hide the tomato and lettuce that you collect in the prison yard garden, because if you don’t, you will have a huge bulge in your pants that may draw attention from some of the undesirable prisoners. Getting all of the ingredients from the cafeteria would cost you too much and take the fun out of this project. Don’t worry about stealing from the prisoner’s garden, we are pretty sure that you can kick any prisoners ass that tends to the garden if they catch you. After lunch you are back at your cell awaiting the library cart man. He shows up with your bacon filled best seller as you reward him with the final 2 packs of smokes. You now have all the ingredients, but you must wait until lights out before you administer your culinary skills. First, light your candle and sterilize your shiv and slice the tomato into just 3 slices. Cut 2 or 3 slices of lettuce and set aside with the tomato. Place your flat metal object above the candle to heat it up. After a few moments you may lay the bread slices on there to toast if you desire. Next, crack your window or vent and remove bacon slices from your novel and place them on the hot metal object. Be sure that the flame is not too close, because it will burn your bacon and make too much smoke. When your bacon starts to sizzle, you must fake snoring to cover up the sound of the sizzling bacon. Not too loud, you don’t want to cause a riot, just loud enough. Turn bacon over with your shiv and continue to cook and snore. Don’t worry about the smell of bacon lingering within the cell blocks, no one will really believe that they actually smell bacon and think they might be going insane. When the bacon is fully cooked, remove it and place it on a clean towel or shirt to drain off the excess grease. Put the tomato slices and the lettuce on the bread and then put on the bacon. While the bacon is cooling, you must clean up your mess by not leaving a trace of what has just transpired. Now, while everyone is asleep and dreaming of the smell of bacon, you can sit back and enjoy your midnight snack that will be the best BLT sandwich that you ever had.
Making a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich is not to difficult, if you’re on the “outside”. Being a prisoner in one of the world’s toughest correctional institutions combined with the lack of the barest essentials, makes this sandwich a prison favorite among the meanest bastards that ever roamed the planet.
For optimum results it is recommended that you have a single cell located on the top tier, preferably with a window or a vent to the outside. If you share a cell with another “innocent” soul, just double the recipe and he will become “indebted” to you for the duration of your sentence. (wink).
The ingredients are as simple as they appear. The “art” of making this sandwich lies in the acquisition of said ingredients without getting caught by anyone. Punishment for these infractions cannot be printed in this book, but we can say that your “manhood” may be in jeopardy.
Ingredients:
2 slices of bread (preferably made the same year)
6 slices of bacon (spam can be substituted only if there are no rats available)
1 large tomato (prison yard privileges required)
1 handful of lettuce (no substitute, you have the time)
Utensils required:
1 shiv (every prisoner has one)
1 candle and 1 match (easily obtained from a Jewish prisoner for not killing him)
1 flat metal object (be creative)
2 contacts (one with kitchen duty and one with library privileges)
4 packs of cigarettes or gum (for payola, no favors go unrewarded)
Preparation:
Get a good nights rest the night before, because you must be on your toes at all times through every phase of this operation. The mornings first bell brings us roll call with you being fully dressed and standing in front of your cell. You must be wearing an extra pair of skivvies to help conceal the contraband without tainting them with bodily fluids and have 2 packs of smokes or gum for the first payoff. Place yourself strategically between two of the biggest bastards in the breakfast line so that the screws won’t notice your transaction with the food slinger. Place both packs of smokes on your tray, covering them with your hand. When you arrive in front of the toast man it is time to make your move quickly. Show him both packs of smokes and make your request softly for 2 slices of non-toasted bread on your tray and six slices of raw bacon to be given to the library cart man after lunch. This is a crucial time, do not stutter and do not make a scene or slow up the line. Immediately place the bread in between your two sets of underwear, eat fast and head back to your cell by faking a mild stomach ache. Don’t go for the Oscar here, because you will be sent to the infirmary and you will be busted. When the screw arrives at your cell to check on you, tell him that you feel much better and would like to go out in the yard for some fresh air, but you will require a hat to protect you from the sun. This is crucial for you to pull this off so that you have a place to hide the tomato and lettuce that you collect in the prison yard garden, because if you don’t, you will have a huge bulge in your pants that may draw attention from some of the undesirable prisoners. Getting all of the ingredients from the cafeteria would cost you too much and take the fun out of this project. Don’t worry about stealing from the prisoner’s garden, we are pretty sure that you can kick any prisoners ass that tends to the garden if they catch you. After lunch you are back at your cell awaiting the library cart man. He shows up with your bacon filled best seller as you reward him with the final 2 packs of smokes. You now have all the ingredients, but you must wait until lights out before you administer your culinary skills. First, light your candle and sterilize your shiv and slice the tomato into just 3 slices. Cut 2 or 3 slices of lettuce and set aside with the tomato. Place your flat metal object above the candle to heat it up. After a few moments you may lay the bread slices on there to toast if you desire. Next, crack your window or vent and remove bacon slices from your novel and place them on the hot metal object. Be sure that the flame is not too close, because it will burn your bacon and make too much smoke. When your bacon starts to sizzle, you must fake snoring to cover up the sound of the sizzling bacon. Not too loud, you don’t want to cause a riot, just loud enough. Turn bacon over with your shiv and continue to cook and snore. Don’t worry about the smell of bacon lingering within the cell blocks, no one will really believe that they actually smell bacon and think they might be going insane. When the bacon is fully cooked, remove it and place it on a clean towel or shirt to drain off the excess grease. Put the tomato slices and the lettuce on the bread and then put on the bacon. While the bacon is cooling, you must clean up your mess by not leaving a trace of what has just transpired. Now, while everyone is asleep and dreaming of the smell of bacon, you can sit back and enjoy your midnight snack that will be the best BLT sandwich that you ever had.