ToyYoda
Team Owner
Brian France had been a popular man these days. His new Chase for the Sprint Cup has generated a lot of buzz, created a lot of drama, and has guaranteed those "Game 7" moments that sports fans love.
Well, the rest of the sporting world has taken notice. With TV viewership for this past week's Chase race at Talladega down a mere 15% from last year, other leagues want a taste of NASCAR's newfound success. Several struggling sports have retained Mr. France's services, in hopes that he can point their sports in the right direction as well. Here are just a few examples of what he's working on:
PGA:
Any golfer who wins a tournament during the season will be entered into one last even to be played in Miami at the end of the year to be known as the "Chase for the Tin Cup". Golfers will be eliminated after the 6th, 11th, and 17th holes, with the remaining golfers scorecards wiped clean. The remaining four golfers will settle the PGA Championship on the 18th hole. All eliminated and non-playoff golfers will participate through the entire event, however.
PBA:
Bowlers will have their scores reset after every three frames, with everything settled in the 10th. Look for records to fall, as scores of 5,000+ will become commonplace, shattering the previous record of 300.
MLS:
Major League Soccer is very excited about Mr. France's ideas. Since the score in soccer games is 0-0 about 90% of the time and there are no points to reset, France has decided to remove the goalies and widen the goals to 100 feet. Instead of rotating the championship game, every year the title game will be held in Miami.
NBA:
Everybody knows there's nothing worse than watching a basketball game in mid-January where one team has gone up 20-30 points on their opponent. So to fix that, Brian has replaced the 3-point shot with the "catch-up" shot. Any shot from what was previously 3-point-land now automatically ties the game. You're down 98-61? You hit a shot from beyond the arc? Boom! It's now 98-98 and a whole new ballgame.
NFL:
Roger Goodell said "No thanks Brian, we're good".
MLB:
Just like winning is everything in NASCAR, the home run is everything in baseball. So going forward, only home runs will count toward a team's score. Nobody wants to see a team score simply by getting on base and gradually advancing toward home. Fans are tired of RBI baseball. In addition, the first six games of the World Series have been eliminated, leaving only game 7, which will be played in the Miami Marlins' ballpark every year.
NCAA Football and Basketball:
To increase fan interest, NFL players may now compete in college football games, and NBA players may now compete in college basketball games. The Orange Bowl will annually determine the football champion, and the Final Four will be annually held in Miami.
When reached for comment about all these changes and what possible fan reaction might be, Mr. France responded, "I can't see things like the fans see them. I have other things to worry about. I'm just trying to put my stamp on these sports. We just signed a big TV deal with Fox Sports 1 and NBCSN, two networks that badly needed programming. Fox Sports 1 mainly had college games nobody else wanted, and NBCSN had mainly outdoors shows and NHL.....wait...NHL....that gives me another idea......."
Well, the rest of the sporting world has taken notice. With TV viewership for this past week's Chase race at Talladega down a mere 15% from last year, other leagues want a taste of NASCAR's newfound success. Several struggling sports have retained Mr. France's services, in hopes that he can point their sports in the right direction as well. Here are just a few examples of what he's working on:
PGA:
Any golfer who wins a tournament during the season will be entered into one last even to be played in Miami at the end of the year to be known as the "Chase for the Tin Cup". Golfers will be eliminated after the 6th, 11th, and 17th holes, with the remaining golfers scorecards wiped clean. The remaining four golfers will settle the PGA Championship on the 18th hole. All eliminated and non-playoff golfers will participate through the entire event, however.
PBA:
Bowlers will have their scores reset after every three frames, with everything settled in the 10th. Look for records to fall, as scores of 5,000+ will become commonplace, shattering the previous record of 300.
MLS:
Major League Soccer is very excited about Mr. France's ideas. Since the score in soccer games is 0-0 about 90% of the time and there are no points to reset, France has decided to remove the goalies and widen the goals to 100 feet. Instead of rotating the championship game, every year the title game will be held in Miami.
NBA:
Everybody knows there's nothing worse than watching a basketball game in mid-January where one team has gone up 20-30 points on their opponent. So to fix that, Brian has replaced the 3-point shot with the "catch-up" shot. Any shot from what was previously 3-point-land now automatically ties the game. You're down 98-61? You hit a shot from beyond the arc? Boom! It's now 98-98 and a whole new ballgame.
NFL:
Roger Goodell said "No thanks Brian, we're good".
MLB:
Just like winning is everything in NASCAR, the home run is everything in baseball. So going forward, only home runs will count toward a team's score. Nobody wants to see a team score simply by getting on base and gradually advancing toward home. Fans are tired of RBI baseball. In addition, the first six games of the World Series have been eliminated, leaving only game 7, which will be played in the Miami Marlins' ballpark every year.
NCAA Football and Basketball:
To increase fan interest, NFL players may now compete in college football games, and NBA players may now compete in college basketball games. The Orange Bowl will annually determine the football champion, and the Final Four will be annually held in Miami.
When reached for comment about all these changes and what possible fan reaction might be, Mr. France responded, "I can't see things like the fans see them. I have other things to worry about. I'm just trying to put my stamp on these sports. We just signed a big TV deal with Fox Sports 1 and NBCSN, two networks that badly needed programming. Fox Sports 1 mainly had college games nobody else wanted, and NBCSN had mainly outdoors shows and NHL.....wait...NHL....that gives me another idea......."
