It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would
go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the
first person came to the gates of heaven. The Angel at the gate,
remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in,
I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor condominium
on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was
nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half
naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was
about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed
that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of
that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even
more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could
get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The
excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died
almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have
a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, Sir.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it
was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear
about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
on the balcony of my 26th floor condominium doing my daily exercises. I
had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve
my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips
on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes
running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.
Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which
broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on
the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push
his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors
and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story."I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well,"
the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets
Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me
what it was like the day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator...
admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would
go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the
first person came to the gates of heaven. The Angel at the gate,
remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in,
I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor condominium
on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was
nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half
naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was
about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed
that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of
that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even
more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could
get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The
excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died
almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have
a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, Sir.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it
was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear
about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
on the balcony of my 26th floor condominium doing my daily exercises. I
had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve
my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips
on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes
running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.
Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which
broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on
the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push
his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors
and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story."I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well,"
the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets
Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me
what it was like the day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator...
