Hanibal Lecter jokes...

4

4xchampncountin

Guest
These always crack me up. I don't have very many, but I'm hoping you guys can give me some too.

Why doesn't Hanibal Lector eat comedians?
because they taste funny.

Why doesn't he eat Brittany Spears?
because he doesn't like artificial toppings

I've heard quite a few, but I'm drawing a blank right now. You guys got any?
 
Why didn't Hanibal Lector eat Lawyers??

because it takes too long to get the bad taste out of his mouth!
 
What does Hannibal call several of Bill Clinton's girlfriends in a hot tub?

Chunky soup.
 
Jokes from the Tonight Show. The ones that need to be told very fast as to avoid the loud groans.

What does Hannibal call it when somebody on 'Survivor' falls into a fire in Australia?
Outback steakhouse.

What does Hannibal call a circus tight rope walker?
A well-balanced meal.

How does Hannibal lecter like Connie Chung?
In plum sauce.

What does Hannibal call Jehovah's Witnesses?
Free delivery.

Why won't Hannibal lecter eat Ben & Jerry's?
It goes straight to his thighs.

What's Hannibal's idea of a romantic dinner?
Eating Johnny Mathis.

What does Hannibal call Britney Spears?
Dinner at Hooters.

What do you call Hannibal lecter's stomach after he's eaten Tonya Harding?
White trash compactor.

What do you call Hannibal lecter on 'Survivor Island'?
The winner.

What does Hannibal lecter call a telephone book?
The menu.

What does Hannibal call a boy band?
An extra value meal.

Why would Hannibal lecter eat Jenifer Lopez last?
Cause there's always room for J.Lo.

What does Hannibal lecter call Britney Spears and Christina Agulera?
Poptarts.

What does Hannibal get when he crosses the President of France with George W. Bush?
A French Dip.

What does Hannibal leceter call Richard Simmons?
A flaming dessert.

What does Hannibal call George Michale?
Beef Jerky.

Hannibal gets very depressed after he orders one of those George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machines, and he realized it didn't come with George Foreman.

Hannibal's seeing some one new, She said today in the papers she hates talking to him when he's nauseous, because he keeps bringing up old Girl friends.

Do you know what the hungriest Hannibal has ever been?
When he has to wait allday for the Cable Guy.

Do you Know why Hannibal lecter won't eat any members of the Clinton family?
Too slimy.

What does Hannibal call the singer Meatloaf?
Meat Loaf.

I think that is more than enough for right now.
 
Okay since I got encouragement, another batch of them.

What does Hannibal put on his pancakes?
Aunt Jemima.

What does Hannibal call a train load of New Yorkers?
Subway Sandwich.

Why did Hannibal complain when the waiter brought him Robin Williams?
Too much hair in his food.

Why won't Hannibal eat Kathie Lee?
Dosen't like artifical sweeteners.

Why won't Hannibal eat any hookers?
Because Tricks are for kids, Basically is what it is.

Why does Hannibal like a women in a thong?
He can eat and floss at the same time.

Why does Hannibal like Jenifer Lopez?
Rump roast.

Why Does Hannibal like to ride with the fire fighters?
He likes his food extra crispy.

Why does Hannibal put cinnamon and sugar on Jenifer Lopez's chair?
He likes Cinn-Buns.

What does Hannibal call it when you eat straight out of the casket?
Box lunch.

What does Hannibal lecter call Hillary Clinton?
Frozen dinner.

What does Hannibal lecter call eating Abe Vigoda and Erik Estrada?
Fish and C.H.I.P.s.

Why is Hannibal sorry he ate the guy at the texaco station?
Gave him gas.

What does Hannibal call the women of 'Temptation Island'?
Whore-D'oeuvres.

What does Hannibal call a homeless guy?
A hungry man dinner.

What does Hannibal lecter call people he dosen't like?
Hard to swallow.

What does Hannibal call the guy who runs the Electric Chair?
Chef.

What does Hannibal call Mike Tyson?
A wanna Be.
 
Thanks mis-fit. That was some very funny stuff!:xxrotf:
 
OOOHHHHH mis-fit, you sure do fit in here:D :D

Another sick member, and I greatly admire that in a human being:p :p :xxrotf:

PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
 
Thanks, kat2220, being called sick is a compliment to me. I too admire others who appreciate and have sick minds. That cat picture is really funny too.

I am very sick so here are a few more thanks to the Tonight Show:

What did Hannibal Lecter say when he ordered the George Foreman grill? Keep the grill, give me George.

What does Hannibal Lecter call Anna-Nicole Smith?
An extra, extra value meal.

What does Hannibal Lecter call Whitney Houston and a scoop of ice cream? A coke float.

Why did Hannibal Lecter's doctor tell him to eat John Tesh? Because he's on a bland diet.

What did Hannibal Lecter get after he ate Carl Lewis?
The runs.

What does Hannibal Lecter call Michael Jackson?
The other white meat

What's the difference between Hannibal Lecter and Martha Stewart? One of them isn't in jail yet.

Why wouldn't Hannibal Lecter eat Joan Collins?
Because she's passed her expiration date.

What did Hannibal Lecter get kicked out of his apartment?
He put P. Diddy in a fry daddy.

What doesn't Hannibal Lecter eat Britney Spears?
Doesn't like artificial topping.

What does Hannibal Lecter call a supermodel from Wisconsin? A quarter-pounder with cheese.

What's Hannibal Lecter's favorite kind of Pepperidge Farm cookie? Alyssa Milano.

Why doesn't Hannibal Lecter eat Bill Gates?
Too rich.

What does Hannibal Lecter like with scrambled eggs?
Kevin Bacon.

What do Hannibal lecter and a frieght train have in common? They can both "Chew Chew" with people inside.

Why does Hannibal like a woman in a thong?
Because he can eat and floss at the same time.

What does Hannibal Lecter call the picture of the athlete on the Wheaties box? A serving size.

You know how Hannibal got straight "A’s" in school?
He buttered up the teacher.

The other day Hannibal was going to have shish-kabobs, but Bob never showed up.
 
A few more. I am running out of jokes. Someone else must have some. I can only be funny and sick for so long.

What does Hannibal call tattoos?
Food coloring

Do you know why Hannibal doesn't eat kids from Beverly Hills?
They are spoiled.

Do you know how Hannibal orders fettuccini alfredo?
Hold the fettuccini, just bring Alfredo

What does Hannibal call a hot tub?
Crock pot

What does Hannibal call Al Gore?
A square meal

Do you know what Hannibal calls people in the car pool lane?
Meals on wheels

What does Hannibal call the guy running the electric chair?
Chef

What does Hannibal call people in front of the water cooler?
Soup of the day

Why doesn't Hannibal date flight attendants?
He hates airline food

What flavor of pizza does Hannibal like?
Delivery man

Domino's has a Hannibal Lecter special. It has everybody on it.

Do you know why Hannibal invited Ralph Nader over?
He wanted to eat more greens

What does Hannibal call Kate Moss?
Lean cuisine

That's all for now, sorry for any repeats.
 
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