How to live a long life

[Bobw]

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

 

[Professur]

When I went to have my funeral prearranged, the mortician wasn't impressed when my daughter asked if the crematorium had a fire suppression system or if they were just going to wait the 3 days until all the alcohol burned off.

 

[Racer1930]

They had an ad on TV the other day about taking a sample of one's DNA to find out your roots...LOL...I thought....no DNA could survive the amount of alcohol I have subjected it to. Dad had a few drinks in his time too so I called and asked if they could dig up my Grandfather and use his DNA since he was a Baptist Preacher.

They said that probably wouldn't work either since we have Irish roots