Jumping to Conclusions

[sdj]

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down, next to a Priest, on a subway

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,

and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat

pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the Priest and asked, "Say

Father, what causes arthritis?"

The Priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living being with

cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,

sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned", then returned

to his paper.

The Priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and

apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How

long have you had arthritis ?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here

that the Pope does."

 

[Racer1930]

(Repeat from a few years ago but funny)

A retired Airline pilot is sitting at the bar going over old times with one of his co-airline pilots - talking about the days of DC-3's and propeller planes when his buddy gets a call and has to leave. Tom says "see you next week, my drink is still full so I think I'll finish it here".

In no time at all a husky woman named Midge takes his friend's seat - orders a double Scotch - and introduces herself:

Somewhat quickly she says: "Hi, my name is Wanda, what do you do for a living?"

Tom (wanting to be sociable as he finishes his drink) says:

"My name is Tom. I'm a retired airline pilot. I have flown around the world in various planes...I have landed in almost every country in the world...what do you do Midge?"

Midge: "Well I am a Lesbian. When I wake up in the morning I think about *****...all day long I think about *****...and when I go to bed at night I am still thinking about *****...but I have to run - good talking to you"

Next guy takes a seat beside Tom since he hasn't finished his drink yet.

"Hi, my name is Jim, I run a Trucking Company...what do you do?"

Tom: "Well...until recently I figured I was primarily an airline pilot...but apparently I have been a Lesbian for my whole life"