dpkimmel2001
Team Owner
Editor’s note: Periodically throughout the 2015 season, our new guest blogger, Clint Bowyer’s Inner Monologue, will be providing us with its commentary as only it is capable of doing. Please read along and try to keep up.
Well that race at Atlanta sure sucked. So tired of parts breaking on my race car. Was really hoping to have a better start to the year. Gets really frustrating and…well, green gopher guts -- have I always had this picture Waylon Jennings as my desktop background on my computer machine here? That’s weird. But Waylon is one bad-ass honky-tonk tail-kicker, boy. I should download some more of his tunes when I’m done with this here blog.
OK -- back to the race -- weird weekend! Cars gettin’ stoled and stuff. Who steals a race car? Very bad for Team Xtreme…EXTREME, now THERE’S a great band. "More Than Words" -- great tune. I remember listenin’ to that back in high school. Think they played it at the Homecoming dance? Wait -- what was the name of the gal I took? She was finer n’ kitten fur. What was it? Daisy Mae? Ruby Jane Delilah? OK, FOCUS -- back to the blog.
Gotta concentrate and get this done. Focus on the race and what happened in Atlanta. Stop looking out the window and JESUS H. KRISPY KREME LORD ON RUBBER CRUTCHES is that a tufted titmouse in the bird feeder? Well holy (expletive)! Now that there’s a pretty bird. …….. DAMN, it’s hungry, chowin' on that birdseed like hungry buzzards on a day-old dead antelope. ………. Keep eatin' away, pretty titmouse. …….. OK DUDE, CLINT -- close the blinds -- finish the blog.
OK back to this blog. Concentrate. You ain’t lettin' yourself blow up that tree stump in your backyard until you're done. SO THE RACE. MAN THAT TRACK IS AWESOME. It’s old, rough, weathered, and makes for some pretty exciting racing. ………………………. What’s that shiny thing over on the bookcase? Looks like a race trophy or something. Has that thing always been there? Go look and see what it is. HOLY CRAP LOOK AT ALL THEM BOOKS. Have they always WAIT. NO, NO, NO, finish the blog.
OK so Atlanta -- think I started 24th or something and finished 25th. Doesn’t that just suck rocks, man? We were making pretty steady progress, but then that HOLY JUMPIN’ JACKRABBITS ON A HOT CROSS BUN nearly forgot I gotta find a taxidermist to stuff that moose I accidentally hit with my Tundra the other day. Gonna name him Bullwinkle. Put him in Cash's room. Babies don't mind a stuffed moose in their room, do they? Google that right now n' find out. WAIT NO -- THE BLOG. Finish the blog.
OK so that race was disappointing, but I have high hopes for Vegas. We typically run pretty dang well there. WELL TIE ME DOWN AND SLAP MY BUTT WITH A WET HALIBUT the titmouse is back in the bird feeder. …………..OK, FOCUS -- yeah Vegas -- think we can recover well there. We got 24 races to get this thing turned around. GAH, 24 -- I HATE that number. Wait, why do I hate that number? OH YEAH, Goldenboy’s number. Is he retiring?
And I really think NASCAR's gotta do something with the qualifying. It's like 45 punch-drunk goats tryin' to hump the same wagon wheel out there. I'm still upset about Daytona. I was madder n' a dog crappin' hammer handles. HOLY CRAP, I remembered something from over 5 minutes ago!
So I genuinely hope y'all enjoyed my first blog, and throughout the season you will HOLY JUMPING MOTHER O'PEARL IN A SIDE-CAR WITH HAM GRAVY AND A LOBSTER BIB I think that's a duck in the pond over there. Get the shotgun and the duck call. WHOOOOOOOO.
Wait -- hit "SEND" first.
Hmmmm.
