the personals

[The_Mad_Hatter]

WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish...................... 49
Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends
Athletic.................... No tits
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated
Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster
Free spirit................. Junkie
Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................... Annoying
Gentle...................... Comatose
Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic
New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only, no
BJs
Open-minded................. Desperate
Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk
Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional................ Certified Bitch
Redhead..................... Bad dye-job
Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat
Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light
Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors
d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.................. Very Fat
Weight Proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker
Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.............. Old bat

MEN'S ADS

40-ish...................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.................... Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking............. Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & back
Educated.................... Will patronize the **** out of you
Free Spirit................. Banging your sister
Friendship first............ As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun......................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking................ Arrogant
Very good looking........... Dumb as a board
Honest...................... Pathological Liar
Huggable.................... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Mature...................... Older than your father
Open-minded..................Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's
not interested
Physically fit.............. Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet........................ Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive................... Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.............. Gay
Spiritual................... Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable...................... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

 

[Walrus_3]

Thanks Hatter,
I been trying to break the code for years.

 

[The_Mad_Hatter]

Originally posted by Walrus_3
Thanks Hatter,
I been trying to break the code for years.

I wish I would've had that list four years ago!

 

[Walrus_3]

I've read 'em, but I've never done anything more than that, HONEST!

 

[4xchampncountin]

Some of those crack me up. I read them every once in a great while when I need a laugh. I always crack up when I see something like "proportionately sized" or "voluptuous(sp?)". I picture a woman big enough to keep you warm in the winter and big enough to give you shade in the summer.

 

[Awesome_Bill]

4x...thats my kind of woman...lol...jk

 

[4xchampncountin]

My brother likes really big women. He says they are more appreciative when they get it. I'll have to take his word for it.

 

[Awesome_Bill]

O yeah...I'll have to take it too and congrats on the Member status.

 

[judas1]

Thats funny, good stuff, lol
still lmao

 

[4xchampncountin]

Thanks Awesome Bill