sdj
Just a race fan
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
People get out of the way much faster now.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when
you really like someone? That's common sense
leaving your body.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes
five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John”
and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much
better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time. When
I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a
punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small
vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to
write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights."
I'm just very wise. (I'm going to use this one lol)
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a
restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He
would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined support group for
procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English
when you're just going to transfer me to
someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes
I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking
into a room and remembering what I came
in there for.
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have
everything that I wanted as a teenager,
only 60 years later:
I don’t have to go to school or
work.I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the
whisky store.
The people I hang around with are not
scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
People get out of the way much faster now.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when
you really like someone? That's common sense
leaving your body.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes
five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John”
and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much
better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time. When
I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a
punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small
vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to
write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights."
I'm just very wise. (I'm going to use this one lol)
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a
restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He
would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined support group for
procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English
when you're just going to transfer me to
someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes
I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking
into a room and remembering what I came
in there for.
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have
everything that I wanted as a teenager,
only 60 years later:
I don’t have to go to school or
work.I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the
whisky store.
The people I hang around with are not
scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
