NASCAR headlines you wish you were seeing/reading.....

NASCAR Returns to CBS and Turner Sports in Shocking Announcement

DAYTONA BEACH (AP) -- NASCAR is reuniting with the network that gave birth to its explosion in popularity.

NASCAR chairman Steve O'Donnell announced Wednesday that CBS Sports would be airing NASCAR races starting with the 2019 Daytona 500. The surprise announcement comes after a major restructuring at Fox Sports. CBS will air eight Cup races while TBS and TNT will air the rest of the first half of the season. CBS will also air four XFINITY races with the rest of the package being shown on TNT.

CBS and CBS Sports Network gain exclusive broadcast rights to the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series.

During the teleconference, CBS Sports announced Allen Bestwick would be joining the network to call the Cup and XFINITY Series races while Ralph Sheheen would call the Truck Series and select XFINITY races for CBS and TBS.
 
NASCAR CEO Brian France Dies of Suspected Cocaine Overdose
While attending this year's Bojangles Southern 500 race in the company of France family friends, NASCAR CEO Brian France died of an apparent drug overdose. Reportedly his last words were, "Oh wow that's some good **** Mike! aaaaarrrrgghh!". While in the process of collapsing onto the suite floor, his body also pushed a hitherto unknown "caution button" within the executive suite which caused Martin Truex Jr's stunning late-race tire failure and ensuing wreck while he was leading.
 
NASCAR Returns to CBS and Turner Sports in Shocking Announcement

DAYTONA BEACH (AP) -- NASCAR is reuniting with the network that gave birth to its explosion in popularity.

NASCAR chairman Steve O'Donnell announced Wednesday that CBS Sports would be airing NASCAR races starting with the 2019 Daytona 500. The surprise announcement comes after a major restructuring at Fox Sports. CBS will air eight Cup races while TBS and TNT will air the rest of the first half of the season. CBS will also air four XFINITY races with the rest of the package being shown on TNT.

CBS and CBS Sports Network gain exclusive broadcast rights to the NASCAR Camping World Truck Series.

During the teleconference, CBS Sports announced Allen Bestwick would be joining the network to call the Cup and XFINITY Series races while Ralph Sheheen would call the Truck Series and select XFINITY races for CBS and TBS.
Yeah baby. Allen is back!
 
NASCAR CEO Brian France Dies of Suspected Cocaine Overdose
While attending this year's Bojangles Southern 500 race in the company of France family friends, NASCAR CEO Brian France died of an apparent drug overdose. Reportedly his last words were, "Oh wow that's some good sh!t Mike! aaaaarrrrgghh!". While in the process of collapsing onto the suite floor, his body also pushed a hitherto unknown "caution button" within the executive suite which caused Martin Truex Jr's stunning late-race tire failure and ensuing wreck while he was leading.
:eek2:
 
NASCAR CEO Brian France Dies of Suspected Cocaine Overdose
While attending this year's Bojangles Southern 500 race in the company of France family friends, NASCAR CEO Brian France died of an apparent drug overdose. Reportedly his last words were, "Oh wow that's some good sh!t Mike! aaaaarrrrgghh!". While in the process of collapsing onto the suite floor, his body also pushed a hitherto unknown "caution button" within the executive suite which caused Martin Truex Jr's stunning late-race tire failure and ensuing wreck while he was leading.

Horrible.

I don't wish death on anyone. Not even the pumpkin faced, weasel headed rodeo clown that's on TV every day.
 
NASCAR and Pokemon Go creator announce partnership

In an effort to attract new eyes to to the once popular sport of NASCAR, as a last-ditch effort, Brain France announced a partnership with Pokemon Go creator Niantic's CEO John Hanke. Niantic will be creating "PokéStops" in and around NASCAR seating areas on race weekends. As the unsuspecting youth of America wonder in and around the seating areas, it will give the home viewers the illusion that the sport is once again popular in the hopes that it will create a new demand for the once tough to get NASCAR ticket. Brian France stated that if this idea does not work, he will turn in his resignation effective immediately.
 
NASCAR moves Pocono Date to Eldora

After the eighth consecutive postponement of a NASCAR race at Pocono Raceway, the series has announced that one of the track's two dates will be moved to Eldora Speedway, marking the first time NASCAR's premier series has raced on dirt since a race at the North Carolina State Fairgrounds in Raleigh back in 1970.
 
FOX Sports; NBC Sports To Showcase Overlooked American City

Fort Worth (TMS) -- One major city is hoping to receive an image boost. Starting with the Fort Worth 500 race weekend at Texas Motor Speedway, NBC will position one of their two blimps outside of downtown Fort Worth to broadcast live images of the city's skyline whenever they return from a commercial break under caution. During events in Fort Worth, media outlets like FOX and NBC often showcase the Dallas skyline and refer to the area as Dallas. "This is the reason many people incorrectly think of Fort Worth as a suburb of Dallas instead of thinking of Fort Worth as a metropolitan anchor," stated one Fort Worth-area resident. "Many people are going to be surprised to learn Fort Worth is a major city with a skyline." Shortly after the announcement, TMS announced they will remove signs around the speedway stating the location as "No Limits, Texas," and replace them with signs stating the location as "Fort Worth, Texas."
 
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FOX Sports; NBC Sports To Showcase Overlooked American City

Fort Worth (TMS) -- One major city is hoping to receive an image boost. Starting with the Fort Worth 500 race weekend at Texas Motor Speedway, NBC will position one of their two blimps outside of downtown Fort Worth to broadcast live images of the city's skyline whenever they return from a commercial break under caution. During events in Fort Worth, media outlets like FOX and NBC often showcase the Dallas skyline and refer to the area as Dallas. "This is the reason many people incorrectly think of Fort Worth as a suburb of Dallas instead of thinking of Fort Worth as a metropolitan anchor," stated one Fort Worth-area resident. "Many people are going to be surprised to learn Fort Worth is a major city with a skyline." Shortly after the announcement, TMS announced they will remove signs around the speedway stating the location as "No Limits, Texas," and replace them with signs stating the location as "Fort Worth, Texas."
I see what you're doing there. ;)

But, I'm sure the debate will continue.....
 
NASCAR REMOVES TEXAS FROM SCHEDULE OVER NAME DEBATE

NASCAR announced today Texas will no longer be on the schedule due to the long running debate about what city it's in. "We are just tired of it" said NASCAR spokesman Steve O'Donnell "No one really likes the racing and the constant fan uproar over this has become a real drag" Other factors cited include the tracks horrible choices of race sponsors including the NRA 500 and Duck Commander 500. No word yet on what will replace these races on the calender, but almost anywhere else would be better at this point.
 
NASCAR REMOVES TEXAS FROM SCHEDULE OVER NAME DEBATE

NASCAR announced today Texas will no longer be on the schedule due to the long running debate about what city it's in. "We are just tired of it" said NASCAR spokesman Steve O'Donnell "No one really likes the racing and the constant fan uproar over this has become a real drag" Other factors cited include the tracks horrible choices of race sponsors including the NRA 500 and Duck Commander 500. No word yet on what will replace these races on the calender, but almost anywhere else would be better at this point.
LMFAO

I don't care what @PeopleAreStrange says about you. That there is funny. :D
 
NASCAR CEO Brian France Dies of Suspected Cocaine Overdose
While attending this year's Bojangles Southern 500 race in the company of France family friends, NASCAR CEO Brian France died of an apparent drug overdose. Reportedly his last words were, "Oh wow that's some good sh!t Mike! aaaaarrrrgghh!". While in the process of collapsing onto the suite floor, his body also pushed a hitherto unknown "caution button" within the executive suite which caused Martin Truex Jr's stunning late-race tire failure and ensuing wreck while he was leading.

I don't like him, he is despicable and I rail against him. But I dont want him to die.

Maybe a convinction for some crime and years of greif in solitary confinement, but still the same I dont wish death upon him.
 
FOX Sports; NBC Sports To Showcase Overlooked American City

Fort Worth (TMS) -- One major city is hoping to receive an image boost. Starting with the Fort Worth 500 race weekend at Texas Motor Speedway, NBC will position one of their two blimps outside of downtown Fort Worth to broadcast live images of the city's skyline whenever they return from a commercial break under caution. During events in Fort Worth, media outlets like FOX and NBC often showcase the Dallas skyline and refer to the area as Dallas. "This is the reason many people incorrectly think of Fort Worth as a suburb of Dallas instead of thinking of Fort Worth as a metropolitan anchor," stated one Fort Worth-area resident. "Many people are going to be surprised to learn Fort Worth is a major city with a skyline." Shortly after the announcement, TMS announced they will remove signs around the speedway stating the location as "No Limits, Texas," and replace them with signs stating the location as "Fort Worth, Texas."

Fort Width can only blame themselves for being overlooked. They should not have let Dallas outbid them for an epic event like the JFK assassination. A much bigger fail than loosing an Olympic bid, as demonstrated by loosing a book, documentary, movie industry that has thrived for half a century.

The big D kilt Fort Width before JKK with that move.
Sad, but how else can one appraise the Lee Harvey rejects.
 
Fort Width can only blame themselves for being overlooked. They should not have let Dallas outbid them for an epic event like the JFK assassination. A much bigger fail than loosing an Olympic bid, as demonstrated by loosing a book, documentary, movie industry that has thrived for half a century.

The big D kilt Fort Width before JKK with that move.
Sad, but how else can one appraise the Lee Harvey rejects.

What the....?
 
TOYOTA SENDS FOUR TRD POWERED CAMRYS TO THE FINAL AT HOMESTEAD
Reigning Champion Kyle Busch: "It's on bitches!"
 
Sorry, but Kevin Harvick makes it almost by default thanks to the 2nd to last race being Phoenix.
 
This thread is hit and miss, I still have a hope boner tho.
 
NASCAR's All Wet - Panic at Pocono

NASCAR's experiment goes awry. After buckling to pressure by many fans that have long called for racing in the rain, NASCAR announced going into this past weekend's event that the show would go on rain or shine. Numerous weather forecasters called for the weekend to be a complete washout which drastically reduced the walk-up ticket sales the day of the event. The diehard few fans that remained were treated subjected to an event that will be hard to forget. A record 35 cautions for 148 of the 160 laps were run under caution. Of the 12 laps that were ran under green flag conditions, speeds were never in excess of 35mph. After what is being referred to as the worst race since the 2008 tire fiasco at the Brickyard, NASCAR has announced a full refund to all in attendance. NASCAR is also considering financial restitution to all home viewers having subjected them to such a lackluster and chaotic event.
 
Just to sh!t on the current chase format:

"All Four Championship Contenders Crash Out on Lap 1 at Homestead"

I can imagine the commentators hyperventilating as the contenders rolled around the track at just over minimum speed. :D
 
Brad Keslowski signs with Hendrick Motorsports for the 2011 season

85 year old Mark Martin will be replaced by Keslowski the 2010 Nationwide series champion. Hendrick didn't want to lose the young Brad K who drove for Hendrick Motorsports driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Junior Motorsports the Nationwide program for Hendrick. Brad will drive the #5 with sponsorship from godaddy.com and associate sponsorship from Kellogg's and Carquest
 
NASCAR REMOVES TEXAS FROM SCHEDULE OVER NAME DEBATE

NASCAR announced today Texas will no longer be on the schedule due to the long running debate about what city it's in. "We are just tired of it" said NASCAR spokesman Steve O'Donnell "No one really likes the racing and the constant fan uproar over this has become a real drag" Other factors cited include the tracks horrible choices of race sponsors including the NRA 500 and Duck Commander 500. No word yet on what will replace these races on the calender, but almost anywhere else would be better at this point.

Okay, I admit that's a little funny.
 
NASCAR Enhances Stage Racing Again - 18th Stage Added

In in unprecedented move, NASCAR's Brian France has increased its number of stages per race to eighteen. Brain France recently had time on his hands over the 4th of July holiday deciding to watch some television. Thinking he was tuning into a French version of a France Family Documentary, he tuned into the Tour De France by mistake. When he found that the 2017 Tour De France was divided up into seventeen stages, he then realized that this is what the NASCAR fans would want. Starting with this weeks race in Kentucky, eighteen stages will become the new norm of the weekly series. It will feature a minimum of 25 exciting restarts, (due to multiple lengthy Competition Cautions)! Again, what the fans have been told that they have asked for.

Breakdown of the 2017 Kentucky Quaker State 400 this weekend is as follows.....

Stage #1 - 14 laps*
Stage #2 - 14 laps
Stage #3 - 14 laps
Stage #4 - 14 laps*
Stage #5 - 14 laps
Stage #6 - 14 laps
Stage #7 - 14 laps*
Stage #8 - 14 laps
Stage #9 - 14 laps
Stage #10 - 14 laps*
Stage #11 - 14 laps
Stage #12 - 14 laps
Stage #13 - 14 laps*
Stage #14 - 14 laps
Stage #15 - 14 laps
Stage #15 - 14 laps*
Stage #16 - 14 laps
Stage #17 - 14 laps
Stage #18 - 29 laps*

* - denotes Competition Caution 7 laps into segment.
 
NASCAR Enhances Stage Racing Again - 18th Stage Added

In in unprecedented move, NASCAR's Brian France has increased its number of stages per race to eighteen. Brain France recently had time on his hands over the 4th of July holiday deciding to watch some television. Thinking he was tuning into a French version of a France Family Documentary, he tuned into the Tour De France by mistake. When he found that the 2017 Tour De France was divided up into seventeen stages, he then realized that this is what the NASCAR fans would want. Starting with this weeks race in Kentucky, eighteen stages will become the new norm of the weekly series. It will feature a minimum of 25 exciting restarts, (due to multiple lengthy Competition Cautions)! Again, what the fans have been told that they have asked for.

Breakdown of the 2017 Kentucky Quaker State 400 this weekend is as follows.....

Stage #1 - 14 laps*
Stage #2 - 14 laps
Stage #3 - 14 laps
Stage #4 - 14 laps*
Stage #5 - 14 laps
Stage #6 - 14 laps
Stage #7 - 14 laps*
Stage #8 - 14 laps
Stage #9 - 14 laps
Stage #10 - 14 laps*
Stage #11 - 14 laps
Stage #12 - 14 laps
Stage #13 - 14 laps*
Stage #14 - 14 laps
Stage #15 - 14 laps
Stage #15 - 14 laps*
Stage #16 - 14 laps
Stage #17 - 14 laps
Stage #18 - 29 laps*

* - denotes Competition Caution 7 laps into segment.
LMAO!!
 
NASCAR Enhances Stage Racing Again - 18th Stage Added

In in unprecedented move, NASCAR's Brian France has increased its number of stages per race to eighteen. Brain France recently had time on his hands over the 4th of July holiday deciding to watch some television. Thinking he was tuning into a French version of a France Family Documentary, he tuned into the Tour De France by mistake. When he found that the 2017 Tour De France was divided up into seventeen stages, he then realized that this is what the NASCAR fans would want. Starting with this weeks race in Kentucky, eighteen stages will become the new norm of the weekly series. It will feature a minimum of 25 exciting restarts, (due to multiple lengthy Competition Cautions)! Again, what the fans have been told that they have asked for.

Breakdown of the 2017 Kentucky Quaker State 400 this weekend is as follows.....

Stage #1 - 14 laps*
Stage #2 - 14 laps
Stage #3 - 14 laps
Stage #4 - 14 laps*
Stage #5 - 14 laps
Stage #6 - 14 laps
Stage #7 - 14 laps*
Stage #8 - 14 laps
Stage #9 - 14 laps
Stage #10 - 14 laps*
Stage #11 - 14 laps
Stage #12 - 14 laps
Stage #13 - 14 laps*
Stage #14 - 14 laps
Stage #15 - 14 laps
Stage #15 - 14 laps*
Stage #16 - 14 laps
Stage #17 - 14 laps
Stage #18 - 29 laps*

* - denotes Competition Caution 7 laps into segment.
:XXROFL::XXROFL:
 
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