WhiningSmoke
Team Owner
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2013
- Messages
- 347
- Points
- 393
Forgive me for my absence everybody, as I’ve just been released from prison on bail for committing marriage fraud. But to be fair, I was under the impression that fraud was legal.
In November, live on NBC, I witnessed Ryan Blaney win a Cup Title. Dude was tied for 3rd most wins, had the 5th most top fives, the 7th best average finish, 0 poles, tied for 4th most top tens, led the 7th most laps, scored the 6th most points, and got beat by a watermelon farmer in the championship race. Even in the Final 4 era, he’s literally the only driver in ten years not to win the last race of the season. Dude LITERALLY could not beat Ross Chastain. He LOST his own championship race.
Upon the conclusion of the final race, where everybody was celebrating Blaney and treating him like a legitimate NASCAR Cup Series Championship, I decided to take payment to marry a gorgeous 23-year old exotic dancer from Cuba for $50,000 so she could obtain a VISA. This backfired when I was being interviewed and did not know her name. To be fair, I had met her in a strip club so I legitimately did not know her real name. I argued that there were plenty of women who I’d been with in the past that I didn’t know the names of, but unfortunately the interviewer wasn’t hearing it. I then informed the interviewer that Ryan Blaney was being allowed to parade around with a NASCAR Cup Series title despite having the 6th best season in the sport, but that did me no good either. He’s literally in the 83rd percentile of NASCAR Cup Series drivers, but he’s our champion.
Ryan Blaney committed fraud live on NBC and he gets rewarded with money, fame, a trophy, and recognition. I commit fraud live in a strip club and all that happens is that I am arrested and my beautiful fiancé, Elektra, gets deported.
Not since Chase Elliott’s championship has such a Mickey Mouse championship been won.
In November, live on NBC, I witnessed Ryan Blaney win a Cup Title. Dude was tied for 3rd most wins, had the 5th most top fives, the 7th best average finish, 0 poles, tied for 4th most top tens, led the 7th most laps, scored the 6th most points, and got beat by a watermelon farmer in the championship race. Even in the Final 4 era, he’s literally the only driver in ten years not to win the last race of the season. Dude LITERALLY could not beat Ross Chastain. He LOST his own championship race.
Upon the conclusion of the final race, where everybody was celebrating Blaney and treating him like a legitimate NASCAR Cup Series Championship, I decided to take payment to marry a gorgeous 23-year old exotic dancer from Cuba for $50,000 so she could obtain a VISA. This backfired when I was being interviewed and did not know her name. To be fair, I had met her in a strip club so I legitimately did not know her real name. I argued that there were plenty of women who I’d been with in the past that I didn’t know the names of, but unfortunately the interviewer wasn’t hearing it. I then informed the interviewer that Ryan Blaney was being allowed to parade around with a NASCAR Cup Series title despite having the 6th best season in the sport, but that did me no good either. He’s literally in the 83rd percentile of NASCAR Cup Series drivers, but he’s our champion.
Ryan Blaney committed fraud live on NBC and he gets rewarded with money, fame, a trophy, and recognition. I commit fraud live in a strip club and all that happens is that I am arrested and my beautiful fiancé, Elektra, gets deported.
Not since Chase Elliott’s championship has such a Mickey Mouse championship been won.