Ever since Tyler Redd*ck “won” at Kansas yesterday, my life has been on a downward spiral. After experiencing the pain of watching him do a burnout, I texted my ex-girlfriend and told her I missed her. I thought to myself that if I was going to destroy my own mental psyche, I might as well have some fun while doing it.
While I was with her, despite her beautiful Sicilian glow radiating at me, I couldn’t get my mind off something. Surprisingly, it was not Tyler Redd*ck. It was Chase Elliott!
Chase Elliott, who was handed a premium NXS ride despite his only career accomplishment being wrecking Ty Dillon. Chase Elliott, who got handed Jeff Gordon’s ride and became the biggest choker in NASCAR. Chase Elliott, who everybody loves despite being the biggest silver spoon child in NASCAR. Chase Elliott, who cut his own tire on Kevin Harvick’s car at Bristol in 2021 then proceeded to throw a hissy fit and get cheered. Chase Elliott, who NASCAR bends the rules for all the time. Chase Elliott, who has absolutely no personality. Chase Elliott, who isn’t funny. Chase Elliott, who won a rigged fraudulent Mickey Mouse championship off the back of Kevin Harvick in 2020. Chase Elliott, who permanently messed up Denny Hamlin’s foot when he intentionally wrecked him at Charlotte this year. Chase Elliott, who clearly sucks at snowboarding. Chase Elliott, who has been demoted to #3 at Hendrick and is so upset about it he doors his own teammate. Chase Elliott, who has a long history of being a dirty driver that nobody talks about.
As a matter of fact, Chase Elliott is the dirtiest driver in the Cup Series… and nobody talks about it.